I dream of you
of your eyes filled with light happiness
of your smile that shines bright as the sun
of your laugh that lifts my heart
of your touch that I seem to crave for more
but I awake every morning
missing you more than words I can tell
I lie there waiting for the dream to pass
then wait for the heartache and loneliness that follows
after I dream of you

You said you loved me
And I believed you
Then you drifted away, slowly,
You finally stopped talking to me
You broke my heart with a few little words
I saw you every day but you never saw me
I heard you found a new girl
I wanted to go up to you to ask
"Are you going to play her too?"
But I didn't because I realized something
My feelings for you were an illusion
I didn't really love you
I just believed I did
Because I am too naive to know what love is

I look in your eyes
And I see such pain
I want to hold you close
But I know you'll withdraw
Your life has ended now
After what he did to you
You've never been the same

I'm trapped
I cant get out
I scream for help
'Help me!'
No one hears me
No one can see me
She laughs
I hear her
'You cant get out'
She sings
She won
The demon is out
Ready to create chaos
'Help me'
But they can't hear me
I'm trapped

I am not the moon
And you are not the stars
We are simply two beings in love
But our love is something so rare
The moon and stars are jealous

Your smile makes my day
Your eyes, I can get lost in forever
Your lips, always wanting your kisses
Your voice is my new favorite song
Your face is something I look for in the crowds
How did it come to this?
Me being in love with you

How am I?
Is the question you ask
But it seems I can't find the answer
Maybe the answer is I feel everything
Drowning with emotions I can't keep in
But then feeling nothing at all
Starving for water that isn't coming
But you don't care  
So my answer is
'I'm fine'

No matter what I do
I can never make you happy
You look at me with hatred
As if my presence sickens you
And maybe it does
But I want you to know
That I'm done fighting
These battles with you
I realized now your my demon
You bring me down worst than anyone
I hope you know that you won
I'm giving up
You can take my life now
Isn't that what you wanted?

I never knew it would come to this
Me loving you from afar
And you completely in love with her
But here I am in love with you
Knowing I can never have you
So I guess I'll just be here as your friend
Being here when you need me

I fell in love with a madman
He would not let me be
He stole my identity away
He changed me into something I never wanted to be
But I did it for him thinking I was in love with him
I tried everything in my power to keep him happy
It was not enough, he wanted more
So I took a knife to my skin
The blood rushing to the surface
Such pain but yet relief
I continued on in secret
Till one day he had me strip
He saw the scars looked at me in disgust
"No man can ever love you
Your too disgusting"
I took my life
Love is nothing but death

You tell me you in love with me
But you're not really
You just love the idea you have someone
We are too naive and young to understand what love is
What you feel is just an illusion
You'll find someone new
Someone pretty and smart
I'll just be replaced
Because that's me the replaceable
And no one wants her

The moon and the stars
are beautiful tonight
they remind me of your beauty
when I glance at you every moment

But you try to tell me
that you're not beautiful
I don't understand
how can you say that?
this beauty that I see
is perfect in the most imperfect way

No matter the times
you tell me you're not beautiful
I'll tell you of your beauties
I'll convince you of them
Because you deserve the world
As the moon and stars do

I ask myself these questions
Every night because of you
Do you want to hear them?
Then again you wouldn't care
But here they are
"Am I not worth it?"
"Did my love mean so little to you?"
"Does your heart hurt too or is it just mine?"
"I must've been a second option"
"Did you ever even love me?"

I try to change
But it seems I can't
These habits were built into me since the beginning
I need them gone
In order to heal
But how do you heal if you cannot
Forgive the person who ruined you
I wish I wasn't alive
Maybe then things will be better
I'm sorry mom to have done this to you
I tried to change for you
But I wouldn't let me change

This hurts and I can't put it into words
But all I know is you broke me
Through thick and thin you said
Yet you left me
Broken and bruised still loving you

Yesterday I spent the day with you
I was happy beyond words
The day was absolutely perfect
Your touches sparked electricity through me
Your kisses made my lips tingle
My hands danced along your body
We couldn't keep our hands from each other
And it wasn't just lust but love too
Evey moment counted
I fell more in love with you
I didn't want the day to end
But sadly it did
You had to leave back home
Our last hug and kiss seemed as if we couldn't part
When your car was no longer insight
I felt a great loneliness enter my heart
I knew right there that I could not be apart from you
I love you beyond words and crave for your presence as flowers crave the sun

Words are stuck in my throat
It hurts having them there
I want them out
But I can't let them out
I have to bite my tongue
These words are ruthless
I'll keep quiet

How could I mean so little to you?
Today you look at me as if I'm a stranger
Do our texting not mean anything?
Do us talking meant nothing?
Us spending time together just disappear?
But I guess this is the way life comes to
Even the closest people just become strangers all over again
Now I just have to pretend the last 8 months were nothing
I have to start all over again but how do I do that?
How do you go on so easily?
I guess I truly meant nothing

I wish I could start over and go back
Back to June 10
When I first saw you
First talked to you
It was a magical moment
Meeting this beautiful person
But I ruined it
I'm sorry
Maybe if I wasn't this way things could be different
Maybe if you hadn't met me you wouldn't be hurting
But these what ifs aren't going to change anything
We don't get to start over

She’s silently screaming
No one can hear her
We all see her but do we really see her?
Look in her eyes
See that she’s breaking inside
She’s holding back the tears you caused her
She goes home to her eternal darkness
She says ‘ I can’t take this anymore’
She takes the blade across her skin
Blood sliding down her arm and onto the floor
She smiles because it’s the only thing she knows
She starts cutting more
One, two, three ,four,
Five, six, seven, eight,
Nine, ten
She stops and lays down
She fall asleep
Where her dreams are better than her reality

My heart is broken
All I feel is this pain and sadness
I try not to think of for I would cry
But our memories together are the most precious
Our love is the most magnificent
It is the only love that I ever want to feel
But I cannot for there are obstacles in our way
I know we will not see each other till next year
But I desperately need to
I need to see your face one last time
I need to see you smile one last time
I need to hear your voice one last time
I need to feel your warmth one last time
I need to feel your lips one last time
I need to feel your hands one last time
But I know I will not
And that sadness me
Our future was so bright and clear
And now it is so not
Maybe we will see each other again
I hope so

I hurt you
In the most worst possible ways
But you didn't leave
Instead you stayed when I kept hurting you
You have to understand I never meant to
Hurt you like this
I told you to leave
I told you I would hurt you in every way I can
And I did it more times than we can count
You told me you loved me
And it didn't matter if I hurt you
You didn't want to leave me in my worse times
I wanted you to leave
I wanted you to hurt the way I did
I wanted you to hate me
I wanted you to bruise me
But you wouldn't so I turned your demons against you
The ones you fought so hard against
And for that I'm sorry
That is all I can say

I didn't think it would be this hard
Seeing you everyday
And not being to talk to you
To hug you, to laugh with you
I thought our friendship meant something
But it obviously did not
You dropped me as if I meant nothing to you
Did it even hurt you?
Did you even think about it?
Or maybe this was the excuse you needed
Maybe you didn't really care about me
Maybe this was all fake

My thoughts seem to be loud today
They're screaming
'Let me out'
But if they come out
Chaos would follow
I'm trying to hold them back
They're stronger
I don't know how much longer I can take
I should just give in
To their blood lust
To their anger
To their sadness
To their pain
Then maybe just maybe things will be better