I want to either be the favorite
Or the very bane of existence

I want to be the hero
Or the villain

I want to be the best
Or the worst

I don’t fear last place
I fear second place

I want to be something
Even if I’m the enemy

I don’t want to be the side character in my own story

My mom is my light house
From the day I was born she has guided me through the waters, rough and calm

My mom is my blanket
She keeps me safe from the cold and dark

My mom is my well
She lets me take and take until she is dried up so that i won’t thirst

My mom is my bed
She is my safe space after a hard day

My mom is my rock
She keeps me steady when I can no longer stand

My mom is my best friend
I love my mom

When I was 15 I decided that dying was better than not knowing

I sat in the doctors offices
Not caring what they found
Just praying they found something
Something that would prove I wasn’t crazy
That it wasn’t in my head
Something that would make people believe me
Believe my pain

Praying that they wouldn’t congratulate me for being healthy
Not because i wanted to be sick but because I was sick and no one believed me