Lila - Hello Poetry

Lila May 4

When did I stop being Lila?

Lila May 1

Lucky

Whenever I go through hard things people always tell me stores about people who have it worse..how I’m lucky.
Perhaps I’m selfish..not as empathetic as I thought..but when I am in pain, I don’t care about other peoples pain. I care about my pain.
I care that my joints feel like they are being ripped apart.
I care that my back is on fire.
I care that my stomach feels like it is being pulled open.
I care that my head feels like it’s exploding.
So forgive me if I don’t feel lucky that my pain is a 6 instead of an 8.

Lila Nov 2023

I’m sorry

I don’t know what I did in order to ******* such a forgiving God, but I’m sure he must be angry.
Why else would he put me in this God forsaken body…this ugly, painful body after I’ve begged for mercy many times.
I’m sorry…I’m SORRY…IM SORRY for whatever I did to make you hate me

Lila Apr 2023

Just anxiety

It’s just anxiety they said as my heart began to race
It’s just anxiety they said and I pass out straight on my face
It’s just anxiety they said as my body begins to shake
It’s just anxiety they said as my stomach continues to ache
It’s just anxiety they said and I slept through every day
It’s just anxiety they said, it’ll go away

About a year later I was diagnosed with a chronic illness called POTs

Lila Jan 2023

Listen to me

Get out of the house. That’s what they say
Do they not hear me?!
I say I’m exhausted
I say I’m in pain
I say I feel dizzy
Do they not hear me?!
Go to the gym. That’s what they say
Do they not hear me?!
I say I’m exhausted
I say I’m in pain
I say I feel dizzy
Do they not hear me?!
I’m not okay

Lila Aug 2022

Invaders

I’m a stranger in my own house
The others living here aren’t my family
These invaders took MY room, MY parents, and the rest of MY childhood
They took my life and my family because there’s was ****** and I am supposed to feel sorry for THEM!?

How and I supposed to feel bad for them when I despise them?

Lila May 2022

I wonder

I wonder how those two girls might have spent this day if there weren’t any flowers being placed on there grave
I wonder what kind of adventures they might have went on if the breath wasn’t cut short or how many more times they would have gotten to smile
These people who I never before spared a glance now fill my head with questions they fill my head with grief
I wonder why them why now?