Dearest girl,
there are things I must tell you
that have happened
they are happening
and they will happen

Dearest girl the world,
as so many have said,
is a terrible place
there are things like guns,
and violence
****
and it's justification

And all you can do is
breathe it out
and breathe it out
breathe

Dearest girl, the world,
as my mother once said,
Is a beautiful place
there's things like the sun
and it's guidance
capes
and flying to your safe haven

and all you have to do is
breathe it in
and breathe it in
breathe

You don't walk in my skin
& I don't in yours.
So darling,
stop telling me
how to cover it,
treat it,
work it,
wash it
or put art on it,
you have your own
to worry about.

I really wish you guys knew just what it does to me, and Emmy, and Trusty,
when you fight.
I hate it when you guys fight. I hate it so much. It makes me want to cry.
You guys just don't understand...
It really ***** us up. I'm scared to look you guys in the face now.
I hate feeling like a stranger in my own home.
Is this even a home?
I don't think I know what a home is, or if I ever have...
Or if I ever will.

I understand we're all pretty broken people, but that doesn't mean
we have to take it out on each other. I understand we aren't exactly whole, either. We're just kinda misguided, kinda lost. It's really sad, to think about it.
I just wish you guys knew how much this hurts all of us, more than just you...

Do you ever just want to **** yourself?
No letter, no explanation, no reasons why. Just because.
Do you ever just want to commit suicide?
Staying up late, rewriting the intricacies of your mind, planning everything, thinking everything through, apologizing for plaguing your family and friend's lives, yet doing a "kind deed" and getting rid of yourself so they don't have to.
Do you ever just want to be loved?
To be kissed and held and spoken to with such romantic intent, to be kissed and touched with an immense, undying passion. To feel important to someone. To have someone make up the hatred you hold within yourself with the love they expel for you. To be wanted, needed. To love with a love that is more than love.
Do you ever just want to love someone?
To kiss them all over, hold their hand, make them smile, and laugh. To hold them, steal away their sadness and insecurities. To be cute with them and write them love notes and poetry and tell them how much they mean to you. To make them feel wanted, important, needed. To make yourself feel like you have a purpose; loving them. Endlessly loving them.
Do you ever just want to break down?
To just cry out all the things you have held inside, for god knows how long? To just scream, yet be silent. To release the anguish, the pain, the hatred, the longing, the hopelessness, the emotions, everything. To get rid of the damaging thoughts. To feel something, anything; but still you want to feel nothing. To sob your **** heart out. To grasp onto something, someone, so very tightly, your wrists and knuckles turn white and ache. To punch everything and anything in your way.
Do you ever just want to cut yourself?
To dig so very deeply. To open your skin and watch the ebb and flow of the smooth crimson. To feel the relief. To feel something other than numb. To feel numb. To feel the pinch and you dig deeper into your skin, and muscle, all your precious tissues- ruined. Slashed. Gashed. To feel the delightful pleasure it brings you. To bleed until there is nothing left in your veins.
Do you ever just want to be happy?
To smile, and laugh, and not worry constantly. To enjoy life. To be alive. To be content. To sing, and dance, and feel complete. To feel whole, and worthy. To have motivation, to press on. To do everything you want. To find beauty in the simplest of things. To be happy with yourself. To not feel like a failure. To feel important. To feel okay.  To not be depressed. To love and be loved in return.
Do you ever just want to be able to love yourself?
To love your flaws. Your curves. Your skin. Your hair. Your teeth. Your laugh. The way you pronounce certain words. The way you stutter sometimes. The way you blush. The sparkle in your eyes when you speak about something you feel for passionately. To be happy with yourself. To be able to find good in all your qualities.
Do you ever just want to prove everyone wrong? (including yourself)
To be successful. To not fail. To not give up. To make good choices. To think before you act. To think before you speak. To be a good influence. To be motivated. To stop hating yourself. To prove your worth. To show them all they were ******* wrong.  To be a leader. To be fearless. To be feared. To be strong. To not **** yourself. To improve yourself. To be yourself.