I look back on days when I didn’t care about anything
And each moment was an opportunity for adventure
I saw beauty in everything
Childhood was a wonderful thing
Now I stand on the line between being boy and man
The child in me fights to survive
And you draw the man out of me
While I struggle to grasp what remains of my childhood
I watch it dwindle away every time I’m with you

If the heart is glass, then its bound to shatter
If love is death, then a kiss is its dagger.

If the mind is ignorant, then the soul shall weep
If the body is stubborn, then there's nothing to keep.

And I did it.
I got an abortion.
I laid down that night and felt
My soft stomach.
Yesterday night,
Cells were multiplying
And they were becoming
Those little fingers and toes.
But I had to.
The women there were very supportive.
It's MY life.
MY choice.
MY baby.
But I'm going to miss
The feeling of love.
I turn around and lay on my side,
So I can't hold my lower belly.
That baby was my baby.
Now.... It isn't. It's gone.
It's dead. Was it even alive?
Did it have an heartbeat?
It soon would have.
And now I will never give birth to it,
Never hold it in my arms.
I can't watch them take their first step,
Or see their first smile or
Hear their first laugh or word.
I can't hold it when they cry,
Or pick out presents for their birthdays.
I'll never know that baby's
Personality,
I'll never be able to tuck it in at night
And sing it to sleep.
I can't check for monsters under their bed,
Or send them off to their
First day of school.
I can't see them at their last day.
I can't see them at their wedding.
Or hold their children.
Or bicker over wine with them.
No, those tiny little cells
Were mine. And my future.
And I took it away.
Now I'm **** sobbing,
Wishing of what could be.

You should do it, you know
Loose yourself in the blades
No one would notice or care
Don't you have any shame?
                      
                        Some one would care about her
                        Don't tell her different
                        Please don't **** us
                       Don't leave us

You're worthless, I swear
Death would be easier and simple
Don't you think so, Kaitlyn?
Just a few slices here and there
                
                        But you have life to live
                        And experiences to be had
                        I promise it will get better soon
                        I know life is bad

Ha, it will get better
If you pop a few dozen and wait
I promise it will get better soon
If you just stop breathing

No one wants you

                        Not true! I promise people do

Oh, like who?
    
                       Mom, what about mom?

She would live

                       *******, it would break her

What friends does she have?

                       Plenty and you know it too

Hah, can hardly call people
Who say they'll be there
But disappear friends

                       People have lives that don't
                       Revolve around her

But when she needs them
They never show
How is that friendship?

                       Words aren't always needed
                       To show love
      
                                    I'm done listening to this
                                    Leave me alone I
                                    Need to think
                                    And I can't do that with
                                    You two in my head

Whatever, I'll be back

                        Okay, but remember
                        We're always here
    
                                   Yeah I know
                                    That's the sad part...

That forced love
A meaningless kiss
Not push to shove
It's fading bliss
Rusting emotions
Bound to happen
Love without attraction
Liking the distractions
I turn my cheek from you
But you're still falling
I'm just stalling
Withdrawing that pain
For its me to blame
Pulling for love
That's no longer there
The empty stare
Thinking of what's next
My sanity or your happiness
Praying for the past to be the present
To you my reasons weren't relevant
Those rusting emotions
Bound to happen
Dying spark
There for a second
Never lasting
Kisses becoming meaningless
Waiting for my torn heart to mend seamless
But I already moved on

Sometimes I just feel like everybody hates me, perhaps I'm wrong as others tell me
Maybe in spite of just wanting to make me feel better because they are too nice of people to just throw me away like that, but I just want the truth
Even though the truth is hard it's something I need, just any form of closure even though it seems that the only truth I get is the truth that hurts
I just want to run away sometimes, just escape reality if its through my dreams, through films, just anything to isolate me from everything
I wish I could just die sometimes but I can't because as much as I don't need people, I need this one person
I really wish I could just completely shut off though, just instantly turn my thoughts off, my memories and become someone else for just a moment to relieve me of all this hatred, this stress, everything
Just to escape for one minute
One minute is all I need