the fragrance of this room
like stale beer and stale gloom
I sit on the floor with my heart
dreaming of something or someone new
but even if it comes along
I wouldn't know what to do
the signs all say I should change
but I don't know if I want to

I should learn to loathe the ones who hurt me
instead of loving them more deeply

an eventless day with loneliness by my side
I'm trekking the barren land in my mind
and I began to realize, the happiest period of my life
was nothing more than a waste of time
love comes so sweetly and calm
but leaves in a flash of light
it's giving me headaches
I've seen it so many times
I'm addicted to the feeling
but I'm becoming blind

Somebody once told a mendacity
that all humans are linked by an invisible thread
and I'd like to think you and I are meant to be
but I'm a maladroit when it comes to these things.
I just wish I could taste your lips,
the lips that I've dreamt of
upon nights of no end.
This unrequited sensation is unlimited.
And when you look at me and smile
I melt into water,
slipping further into cracks
so you can't see the green and blue monsters that harbor in my soul like the sea,
they crash and bang for
you.
Like the way you play your drums,
beating lust into my brain.
I feel no doubt,
I don't even want to get closer to you.
You will rip me apart time and time again,
just like every other god among men.

I want to make you happy, I want to make those tears stop rolling down your face
Leaving wet trails on your skin, your eyes red, your voice lowers
I can hear that audible tone of depression for a moment
I tell you everything is going to be okay
Your lips start moving, pacing more quickly
"It's my fault"
I tell you to be quiet for a second
I tell you to breathe
"Everything is going to be alright, I promise" I mutter
You disagree but as my attempts to make you feel better move forward the tears slowly fade
Your tone changes, I keep telling you things, you may think that I'm just saying them
But I can honestly tell you I mean everything
and the best feeling I can get is knowing you're okay
I hear that adorable giggle, and my stomach tightens
There's nothing I want more than you to be happy

I can look in the mirror and picture myself dead
It's rather peculiar the constant thought of death
The constant thought if anybody truly cares for me
One day I just want to leave
I want to run
I want to see if anybody would notice
If anybody care
But as I lay, sinking into my bed
The more I wish that I was dead

The voices inside her head its where her demons hide
time is paralyzed and  she catches her breath
where there is a flames someone’s bound to get hurt the
blade as the brush with slowly skimming on the canvas
the crimson paint will steadily dribble down the pale canvas
she has a story to her hazy existence and if she is to let her walls come
down, the inside wall be annihilated by shallowness and cruelty
in the past she was isolated so she covered her feelings with a tight
smile, she goes through life aching with eternal agonizing pain
there is no one to have faith in if one shall live on this sadistic  earth
no one is there to be her superhero before the hour has come,
before it is too late, the spell must be broken
before it all scatters on the floor; before it goes boom; before
it drains out on the white floor; before the stool is pushed away; before it
thuds in the city lights; before it makes a splash in the navy pool of salt;
before those gray eyes shut completely, exiting the world
just before it is too late
but wait, are those five guys, running towards her? They are quite
unnoticeable, who can they be?
These boys saved her life before the time has come
they are her saviors, they understood the grief
for she is thankful and
they are in her heart, and she is in their hearts, engraved
forever

a.a