It's a depressing night. I'm alone.
Remember my first entry, that I couldn't express myself? It translated through my writings.
It's hard, really. It's my first ever contest and I don't want to waste the opportunity given. But you see, it's hard to imagine yourself fighting a war you know you will loose.
Some may say, at least you fought trying. Well EFF that. It matters most and it's sentimental if you fought for something you truly love, but in my case it isn't. I love my org but never this genre.
Maybe I could, but time wouldn't permit.
I could try another genre where I could say I could fight my best and I could do my all to really best all the contestants. At least by this genre I could feature my very best. Winning or loosing, it will really matter because it's what I like.
There's a big difference.
And I thought a leader could talk me out through this depressing state, with all the expertise and experience.
But I think not.
He is with me on the notion of quitting. I guess it truly is the right decision. Who knows?
Give me a moment of silence and I couldn't defend myself. Give me encouragement and conversation; and maybe, just maybe, I could try and weigh things out and be the selfless and just contestant everyone is thinking of.
I was so depressed that night that I wrote this.