I'm once again crying over you like an Idiot
I hate that I still love you
I hate that I still care for you
I hate that I can't let go of you
I hate that I still want you
I hate that you made me love you
I hate that you made me care about you
I hate that you made me feel safe
I hate that you made me feel loved
I hate that you left me like I was nothing
I hate that you had no problem leaving
I hate that you weren't even sad when I said goodbye
I hate that 5 months together was nothing to you when it was my everything
I hate that me still loving you is killing me slowly
I hate that you promised you wouldn't leave me and then you left
I hate that you played with my heart
I hate that you checked up on me when my dads death anniversary was coming up
I hate that you checked up on me when his birthday was coming up
I hate that you acted like you cared before we got together
You ******* broke my heart into two like it was nothing
And I hate you so much for that
But I know I would take you back
I hate that you were my everything and I was your nothing
What I hate more is that I will always love you even when I shouldn't

I used to see love in your eyes but now all I see is hate and anger
I used to get lost in the beautiful eye but now I can't look at them
Without fear your eyes used to be my safe place now they are my fear

You once were the love of my life now you're just a memory
In my mind and in my heart now so all I have left of you is
The tattoo of your initials on my arm and honestly
All that does is break my heart more to know
That the love you gave and said that would
Be forever was only temporary but I
Still hope that you would come
Back to me and tell me you
Love me one more time
Before I leave this
World we live in
Forever.

Still to this day I can remember the day I had to say goodbye to you for good
It was the day I came home from the hospital we weren't even home for more.
Than 12 hours and then that night was the last night would ever hear your voice again and still to this day it haunts me because I lost my one and only dad.
I lost my best friend at the time and now I have to live with all the hurt from not having you there for me when I couldn't talk to my mom and finding you the morning you died.
You didn't get to see your youngest daughter graduate from high school or any of my other accomplishments but you will forever be in my heart.

I hide behind my hazel eyes so no one can see the pain I hold inside
These hazel eyes of mine are beautiful and kind but
They can be harsh and rude when needed.
My hazel eyes once were always sweet but now they have seen hell and trauma.
These hazel eyes of mine don't always stay hazel so be careful with what you say to me and act around me because you will see how quick they will change with my mood in that moment.
These hazel eyes of mine aren't hazel all the time so be careful otherwise the  chameleon eyes will come out to play weather it's day or night.
My hazel eyes can be warm and sweet but you must leave before they change for the night.

Still to this day I can't believe that I can ever be enough
Thanks to you I'm discussed with my own body
The body that you once touched.
You took my innocence away from me when I was only six years old
I thought that I could trust you because you were my
Family but you broke that trust when ***** me.
Thanks to you I can't trust anyone that says that they love me
I can't trust anyone that says that they care for me
I can't trust anyone anymore because of you.
You took my only innocence that I had when I was only six years old and
Yet I still cared for you because you were my family and now I
Wish I didn't because now that I'm older I realized what you did
Was wrong and it never ever should have happened.
You were my brother and you hurt me and you never ever should have
Done that I looked up to you, you were supposed to protect me
Not hurt me not be the reason for my hurt.

I hate my size
I hate my smile
I hate how I talk
I hate the way I look
I hate the way I sound
I hate the way I walk
I hate the way I laugh
I hate everything about me
But what I don't hate is another story
I love my eyes
I love how I dye my hair
I love the way I do photography
I love when I sing to my favorite song

The scars deep within my thighs I try to hide but sometimes its hard to do because they do tell a story
The scars deep in my thighs might be self inflicted but they do haunt at times
The scars might be new and they might be old but they are still apart of me

I have never regretted a tattoo until now because you once again broke my heart so when you said goodbye I was sad you know I never regretted getting your initials on my wrist but what I do regret is getting them covered when I wasn't in the right head space and when I was sad and angry but now I'm beating myself up for doing it while I'm sitting here trying to get you back