I look into her eyes and I can see the pain and hurt she has been put through, I know that she says that she is fine and that nothing is wrong, but I can't help but to think that she is lying.

What am I even saying of course she is lying, everyone she has ever tried to talk to has away when she needed them the most.

I have tried to tell her that I'm here for her but she doesn't believe that someone actually cares about her and how she feels and what she is going through.

She doesn't believe that someone can see her pain and hurt just by looking at her eyes, but how you know the truth behind her red bloodshot eyes is by the tear stains that are permanently on her cheeks that you can only see if you actually pay attention to her.

I have never regretted a tattoo until now because you once again broke my heart so when you said goodbye I was sad you know I never regretted getting your initials on my wrist but what I do regret is getting them covered when I wasn't in the right head space and when I was sad and angry but now I'm beating myself up for doing it while I'm sitting here trying to get you back

I'm once again crying over you like an Idiot
I hate that I still love you
I hate that I still care for you
I hate that I can't let go of you
I hate that I still want you
I hate that you made me love you
I hate that you made me care about you
I hate that you made me feel safe
I hate that you made me feel loved
I hate that you left me like I was nothing
I hate that you had no problem leaving
I hate that you weren't even sad when I said goodbye
I hate that 5 months together was nothing to you when it was my everything
I hate that me still loving you is killing me slowly
I hate that you promised you wouldn't leave me and then you left
I hate that you played with my heart
I hate that you checked up on me when my dads death anniversary was coming up
I hate that you checked up on me when his birthday was coming up
I hate that you acted like you cared before we got together
You ******* broke my heart into two like it was nothing
And I hate you so much for that
But I know I would take you back
I hate that you were my everything and I was your nothing
What I hate more is that I will always love you even when I shouldn't

I hate my size
I hate my smile
I hate how I talk
I hate the way I look
I hate the way I sound
I hate the way I walk
I hate the way I laugh
I hate everything about me
But what I don't hate is another story
I love my eyes
I love how I dye my hair
I love the way I do photography
I love when I sing to my favorite song

The scars deep within my thighs I try to hide but sometimes its hard to do because they do tell a story
The scars deep in my thighs might be self inflicted but they do haunt at times
The scars might be new and they might be old but they are still apart of me

I hide behind my hazel eyes so no one can see the pain I hold inside
These hazel eyes of mine are beautiful and kind but
They can be harsh and rude when needed.
My hazel eyes once were always sweet but now they have seen hell and trauma.
These hazel eyes of mine don't always stay hazel so be careful with what you say to me and act around me because you will see how quick they will change with my mood in that moment.
These hazel eyes of mine aren't hazel all the time so be careful otherwise the  chameleon eyes will come out to play weather it's day or night.
My hazel eyes can be warm and sweet but you must leave before they change for the night.

Still to this day I can remember the day I had to say goodbye to you for good
It was the day I came home from the hospital we weren't even home for more.
Than 12 hours and then that night was the last night would ever hear your voice again and still to this day it haunts me because I lost my one and only dad.
I lost my best friend at the time and now I have to live with all the hurt from not having you there for me when I couldn't talk to my mom and finding you the morning you died.
You didn't get to see your youngest daughter graduate from high school or any of my other accomplishments but you will forever be in my heart.