I've been feeling extremely
Pointless
Lately
Like I don't know what to spend my time doing
I convince myself that nothing is a waste of your time if you enjoy it
But I still find myself bored
Stir-crazy
House-crazy
The idea of working
At home or not
Is so distant now
That it doesn't even feel like a possibility
I try not to be bitter
And angry towards the more fortunate
But it's so hard
Oh to be healthy
To have the health to do what I want
The money to to do anything I want
The vehicle to go where I want
I hope for the day when I'll have that freedom
Maybe not the health
Because it's no good to wish for miracles
But just a bit of freedom
Would fix the constant itch
Of being house-crazy
And feeling pointless.

Mystical and tempting
Beautiful but aware
She sings out for souls
You could try to refrain
But she’s hypnotic
Intoxicating
Drawing you in
She’ll pull you close
Then drag you under
And suffocate you with her icy ways
Never contempt with a sailor
Forever singing
Her dangerous lullabies

What an angry girl you are
So filled to the brim with jealousy and confusion
And hopelessness
That’s what fuels all of this
Isn’t it?
Can’t imagine living to thirty
Wishing your life away
Honestly believing with every fibre in your being
That no one will know you completely
And yet still love you
That alone is how you’ll stay
The sad brown eyes
And dark circles that are a testement to the nights you cry yourself to sleep
I wish
You would of learned earlier to love yourself
And actually cared for your wellbeing
I wish
you would of stood up for yourself
I wish
I could hug you and say that your body is beautiful
And it was his fault not your own
Negativity and resentment eat you up inside out
If only you let go of that earlier
Wasted years and wasted thoughts on those who didn’t deserve your tears

complainers, complaining
to repine and fret
my eyes roll and tone is hostile
jealously crawls up my throat and burns in my chest
at your mobility, and ingrate towards it
an aggressive pessimistic inert of a human being
three negative adjective’s and
never
any
positives.

I’m so lonely at night when I don’t have you.
you keep the demons away and out of my mind.

we fly to other galaxies
we stimulate our eyelids
driving in our rocket
sitting beside you
you’re the pilot
awaken our demons
move closer to you
I don’t want to go

there’s something really comforting
about the smell of cigarette on your fingertips
the act is disgusting
I loathe to partake in it
but the smell is warm
and comforting
like being around someone you’ve known
your whole life
like your father, lighter in hand, sneaking out the back door
and smiling and letting you sit with him
like lying in the grass
closing your eyes
and feeling your pores
engulf sun rays

I loathe the night
It’s too quiet
and too filled with words
that’ll never be said.

maybe it was a broken dream
maybe it was my imagination
but I swear I saw a ghost
flittering in the woods with matches
and maybe the feeling
was just a mirage
this lingering feeling
that clings onto you
of loss and regret
and disconnection
and wishful hoping
that whomever reads this
would accept my invite.