You don't want to believe, or admit it is true because if you stay ignorant and in denial, there's just a tiny possibility a sliver of hope that it wouldn't be.
I did not realise it at first but the using, it increases, consumes more and more of your time, rather drastically I would dare say. Before you know it the lines turn to blur and your life as you know has become a turbulent sleep wake cycle of chasing rabbits in the sky, in a drug induced trance of sorts. All things magnified and twisted, yet null and absent; for the lack of ability to make lasting new memories. The pain & Joy's of forgetting, the forgotten, unsure if I want to recall.