I awake at 3 am I fill my cup with coffee open my front door and I sit on the top step and I light a cigarette.

It's dark the streets are wet because it had rained for most of the day.

There's a slight breeze so I hear the shaking leaves from the trees .

The whole world is still asleep .
I at that time feel so a peace.

Drips from water running from the drain pipes is a beatiful sound for a dark wet windy night .

This is my time when the world is mine that's why I wake at 3 am.

Little boys cry to get what they want.

Young men lie to get what they want.

A man tells the truth and always gets what he wants.

Not to long ago I saw a face with eyes that sparkled so Crystal clear.
Now those same eyes has come to me full of tears.

Not long ago when I had seen that same  face  with a smile that would imprint ones heart as the day was long.
Has come to me not with a smile but with a frown.

Not long ago when I would hear a voice that had laughter and a joyful pitch I can hear so clearly from afar.
Has come to me now with sorrow ,sadness and a nervousness that hurt my heart to hear.

And not long ago my friend stood tall and walked with confidence.
Now she has come to me and what I thought was her shadow has become more clear as I got near.
That's when I realized it wasn't her shadow it was the answer to my questions.
The dark sillouet was a man.The man whom changed a beautiful person in to a broken soul.

The very first time I saw her .
I couldn't see anything or anyone past her.

There she was in a tiny summer dress,that without doubt complimented her breast.
She had long legs covered in silky looking skin, and tanned from head to toe.
Eyes that glisten and a smile that glowed.
I couldn't  help staring, looking
at her and without even blinking. I was so amazed of this astonishing beauty, that stood right  in front of me.
     Here we are today  22 years later, And I still look at you the same exact way.

Out on the road the only thing one can see are the reflectors on the street.
  Looking out my window for miles it's pure darkness not even a sparkle of light can be seen.

Up above in the sky are trillions of stars sparkling bright against the dark sky

What a beautiful. Night......

The air we breathe
can you see it ?
The god we believe in,
do you see him ?
   Just because they're not there, doesn't actually mean it doesn't exist.
Believe in your dreams
even though you can't see them

A cold damp foggy October night.
As mist falls onto the ground and a slight breeze moves the fog sideways as the thick fog slams faces that are out and about roaming the streets of this small quiet town.
The sky is grey not one star in sight. The fog is so thick trees and roads can not be seen.
Growls and howled are heard in the distance . As we walk the road that's known for strange happenings.
Not one car has passes us in the past half hour .Feet and fingers are numb nose has a slight run and my eyes are wide open from fright of the creepy October night.
In the direction of the trees and thick brush a dollar is heard but it's faint as we walk towards it it becomes clearer sounds like a baby crying . I'm shaking as I walk towards it a shadow passes me and my heart stops it's beat lying in front of me is a mutilated baby pig with its mother hanging from a tree above I turn around and I'm hit hard as my body fell to the ground .

When every last soul is dead .We will rise to meet our maker. And when we are called for judgement lets hope our answers are the right ones when questioned about the wrongs we did in life. And could those who done horrific crimes be sent back to earth to relive those crimes.
Or cast down to watch a never ending tape of his wrong and pain he must feel just like he done to others. Every minute of everyday for eternity as the fire burns beneath the feet.

I cry from a commercial
I cry from a movie
I cry from a story
I cry looking at the homeless
I cry when life seems hard
I cry when I think of  losing a loved one
I cry when I think of my life
I cry from the thought if I raised my child right
I cry for many many things

I never cried from being happy.

I traveled many places.
I have seen many faces.
On a plane, to chicago I sat by a old man . He was nice very polite so we talked the whole trip through.Be we exited I turned towards him and
had a few kind words to him In hopes to boost his day.
     I took a trip on a ship I Ran into a  married couple.
       He looked lost and she looked troubled so I sat them down and gave the two some advise.
        "  When you find someone and your not miserable when your  with him or her , enjoy the time together".
I got up and left, in hopes all works out for the best.
    Short on cash so I took a bus I sat all the way in the back. Next to me were three young teens cursing and causing havac.
Before I got off the bus I turned to them and said .Excuse me kids I was just wondering if your mother's knew how you act.
     And I walked off the bus.
Maybe I gave the teens something to think about in hopes they change the way they act
I traveled many places and I saw many faces ,I wonder if anyone remembers me.
            

e

A life long friendship is everything to some.
And nothing to many.
    
A history of laughs ,joy and happiness, means everything to some people.
A history of good times, bad times, tears and grins can mean nothing to others.
    
Friends have a history of fights, late nights and all day chillin in the house means the world to some people.
      
Late night phone calls, break ups and make ups means nothing to others.
    
Loyalty compassion and under standing is something no one can take away.
    
  Late night calls of crying,
And shoulders to lean on means nothing to some.

Far away and stranded a friend is there in a minute is something money can't buy.
To others it's to far of a drive.
It means nothing to them.
      
  A friendship like this means everything to me..

Growing up in a family of five. 3 boys 2 girls.
    I'm sibling #4. 3 older 1 younger.
We're we close I don't think so.
   Having an older brother so mean and cold, I remember how I hated him I was only 11 years old.
    A little sister 6 years younger oh how I adored her so.
She grew up started to smoke and drink all of a sudden I became her worst enemy. Year's and years of fights and tears. I made it a point not to go home at night.
    When my brother wasn't being mean and hitting us he was locked up . And now many many years later with a kid of my own he's home to stay and that makes all okay.
     My,sister is now clean and sober she got her bachelors degree and I'm dispose to be cheerful and happy.
    A beautiful mother yes that's what we do have she always wants the family to get together. Although I say I will be there but something always enters my heart and I'm a no show. What can it be cause I'm still sad and hurt . It'll be a year and I don't see or hear from them. I know in my heart I don't really know them . And I know I don't like them . Although I do love them.

Darknes at times feels like my friend.
Early mornings brings me to a different state of mind.
A sunset changes the way I feel at that time

I love the dark because I can relate to dark places like the darkness that I feel is  in my heart.

I enjoy the  early morning it seems like the whole world is still asleep therefore Im feeling peaceful.

Sunsets remind me me to,get ready for the next day and that's why sunsets changes the way I was  feeling as I watched  the sun fade away.

We are born and taken care of
We grow up and our parents grow old and they are taken care of.
The style of fashions comes back in play, as we where that same style our parents wore back in the day.
Muscle cars are copied again. Movies are remade for us to see. Music movies on yet songs are resting. And old stuff becomes the new. The only thing that doesn't repeat or change is our government it just gets worse

I'm not a sentimental person,
nor am I a needy one. But I write a different kind of story when it comes to you.
    You have me always thinking of you which gives me a euphoric kind of high.
   And I become a fiend because I need you.
   Your like my personal brand of ******.
  I'm addicted to your being, and I'm strung out on your love

It was not love at first sight nor was it a liking it was when I got to know you is when my love grew now I can't even remember how life was before you and I don't want to know how life would be without you for my love has grown so much for you

A friend I have never had
A lover I have only dreamed

A friend to others I have tried to be
To love another was a little hard for me.

To be a friend to myself   many times I neglected
To love myself  came difficult for me to accept it.

So how can I have a friend and
How can I have love?

How can I be a friend to myself  and
how can I love another?

If I can't be any of those things to me.

How does one function when?
How does one sleep when?
How does one live when, the heart is missing someone.

It's said that time will heal all wounds.

    How does one think when,
How does one laugh when.
How does one eat when all you want is to be with the one you love.

It's  said that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

    How does one get through the hour.
How does one get through the day.
How does one get through the week when all you do is count down the hours ,the days, the weeks until you see the one you love .

It's said that out of sight out of mind.

How do you tell the heart that.

It's alright I'll take the blame.
I'll take the humiliation by showing my face at the very same places you talked about me.
      Time after time that I allowed you to take me for granted.
    As you would find a new toy I was pushed to the back seat. But at the snap of your finger how I hurried kneeled at your feet. Ready to be at your every beck and call until you filled up your character and I'm thrown to the back seat again.
       You may have personality and your looks arnt to bad neither you also have a gift for gab. People like you guys and girls the same
Some leave some stay . To me you were trouble , my free ticket to jail.
You were my ride to the unemployment line you were also my high. I'm to scared to leap and to afraid to jump. Into your world. I'm torn feom the thought whether to
love  You or leave you.
  Idk what to do.

If I were a poet I would write a new way.
If I were a chef  I would feed a nation
If  I were an artist I would paint all a smile
If I were the law I would have Justice for all.

I could be all those things .
If only I wasn't me.

I tried, I tried to live in your world
Your world that consists of joy laughter free spirits and days of sun and play.
     I tried, I tried to see the world as you saw it. A world filled with precious babies everywhere.
     Children running carefree and wild
Teenagers learning living and loving as each day passes on.
     I tried, I tried to live in your world where there are no room for tears no answers of no and people had fun on every angle of the world.
      I tried I tried to live in your world.

But you never tried to live in mine.

I work hard 5 days a week I sweat, I get ***** calus palms and ashy hands is what work does to me .

I get paid and still I haven't got a penny to my name .

Is this a freaking joke can anyone here me. ?

I just got paid and I'm still freakin broke.

It's a joke.

Every single penny went from rent down to gas . Are we stupid killing our selves to make honest cash.

Do u hear me does anyone comprehend? .

I work hard all week I get paid and I still have nothing to eat.

It's a freakin shame I can not catch a break.

This life we live it's a ******* joke.

Can anyone hear me ? Do you comprehend

I Just got paid and I'm still broke. It's a freakin joke.

I cry as I pass them by.
To shed a tear isn't enough.
For me.

My conscience won't let me take another step if I were asked for change, and I said no ,even though I did.

Is it wrong for me to lay warm in my bed. And fall fast asleep.

Knowing there are people sleeping on the cold concrete.
It's not enough to only wonder it's not enough for me

I weep, I weep indeed.
I wonder if they will eat.
I lay awake when it rains

I sometimes sit outside at night in hopes to see one pass by.

Maybe if I gave a dollar or two or  maybe offer him a bowl of soup . .
But that isn't enough.
For me.

Money! Money is what I need.
  I'll find a way someday.

But for now, all I can give is change and a smile.

In my darkest hours or in my brightest light ,in my sadder days as well as my happy ones I will be there for you.

During my sorrow or through my joy, through my anguish or through my pain I will be there for you.

As I grow old and my strength weakens, I will be there for you.

When my mind fades and my vision isn't as sharp in my heart I will be there for you.

Good evening, may I borrow your ear 2018 is about to end and I know we all heard this before what am I going to do as a New Year's resolution .2018 has taught me something .I have actually learned not just heard it but I've learned that other than myself no one can help me but God so 10 minutes before midnight I will be on my hands and knees begging for the Lord to help me change to help me no longer lie to myself about losing weight getting fit I need him to give me the strength and the courage to go to work everyday ,spend more time with my daughter, to ckok more dinners to live normally to become a better person. I've tried all year long my whole entire life but never done it just more lies. This year I learned I can't do it alone I need his help I will pray for his help and I will accept his help .Thank you for your ear have a safe and happy New Year

A breathe sighs quiet like a pedal falling off  a rose.
  
A stare that burns like the rays of the sun.
  
A voice which travels like an echo in a tunnel.
  
From a touch that is soft to the silence that runs deep like the depths of the see.
    
For love should be spread ever so widely from person to person coast to coast  is every bit needed ,just like the air we breathe.

Can life be like a comma, to stop and take a break .

Or will life be like a period and stop at the end.?

Sometimes life can be like race car fast and wreckless.

Or life can seem like a sailboat, still until the wind blows.

Life can be all those things if  we don't take time out  to enjoy a sunset.

No matter where you look, it will not be with in your sight.

It doesn't matter how far you walk it will not be within your reach.

You can't drive to it.
You can't go online for it
You can't buy it
Make it
Invent it
You can't even copy it.

It's not yours to find
It's not yours to search
You'll never own it

No matter how hard you search
It will never be found .

BECAUSE

LOVE

Love comes to you.
And only then, is when
You can lose it.
or you can keep it.

That choice is yours.

Love
Love is kind
Love does not hurt
Love is not jealous
Love is true
Love is strong
Love is loyal
True love won't steer you wrong.
Don't get being in love
Mixed with love.

One only last until the love is gone
The other last until death and beyond.
No bond is greater no metal stronger, there's nothing made by the hands of man more powerful than love........

Your born
You grow
Your taught
You learn
A choice
You choose
The wrong turn you lose.

You live you hate
You hurt you take
You drink smoke
And lie.
You cry
You die then forgotten
You lived life with hate inside.

Your born you grow
Your taught you learn.
A choice you choose.
The right one you win.

You live you laugh
Your strong your healthy
Your days are bright and always sunny
You sleep you eat you are rich beyond boundaries
You die never forgotten but always remembered because
You lived life with love and kindness

She didn't know that he saw her before there eyes ever met.

   She wasn't aware that he kissed her lips many times before the actual kiss.

  She never knew that he felt her before he felt her.

    She didn't have a clue about the love he held for her a long time before his lips ever whispered the words, I love you, in her ear.

    A seperation occurred after a two year one way love affair.

  A reunion came forth three months later.

   I bet he wished he would have known.
That the love he held for her.
Would no longer be there. Before she whispered the words ,I love you. In his ear.

Love was to late.
For the love that was Reversed

Alone Isn't bad
This is not a sad poem
I like my company
Wish they were more of me

Imaginary friends stay by my side
This you probally call crazy.

To dream doesn't call for sleep I dream of me in a whole new life .
I'm whoever I want to be.

Me, myself ,and I

Remenencing on the years we spent together.
All the things we've done together, all the stuff we saw all the **** we caused. All the people we've met together ,
and everything we said to each other, was the best days of my life.
     Something that I will cherish forever. Never forget ,ever regret, and I would never ever want to do it with anyone else
     A lessened learned and an experience that stands alone.
     You were my company, you were my laughter,
you were eyes and my ears,
you even shared my tears.
You were my voice when I couldnt speak.
You were my pillow so I can sleep you were so many special  things to me .
But the one that is most important than any of the above
is that ......You were always a friend to me

You left leaving me wide open, you have broke my spirit, crushed my heart, cracked my soul , in a minute. Will I ever come back from such devastation? Will time heal my wounds ?Will I ever see you again? Will I ever love again ?Questions I cannot answer . I am a soul drifting aimlessly,with my nights  restless and my mornings worse .
I cannot eat
I cannot sleep
I cannot think
cuz you are not here with me.
    What have I done to you so cruel that you have left me wide open, with a crushed heart, a broken soul , and a cracked spirit . I have roamed into the unknown a deep hole I cannot recover from. Hopelessly positively absolutely broken by your absence .
I love you forever my love

You cry I cry ,
you jump I jump,
you die I die ,that was a promise we made when we were young , swearing never to tell anyone and now
I stand here in front of many as we gather here to say our goodbyes.
You are the best person I have ever known the sweetest,compassionate,understanding giving, free hearted person ever .
This is why I'm so confused that you thought life was too much for you to handle and you couldn't find the strength to go on living in it.
So I stand here today and I say I have kept our secret and now I'm going to keep my promise to you.
I cannot let you go to hell alone.
My last words will be
Forgive Me Lord, as I as I fall to the floor.

A sign in a window
A lobby
A parking lot.
A sign seen in many places
By many faces
Yet never moves at at all.

I am that sign . Physically moving yet mentally at a stand still.
Life has evolved and I stand still. Have I gotten lost.
A living soul with a dead spirit. Am I dullusional by thinking I'm living?

No more tears,
No more fears
.No more abuse.
No more you.
No more

The sky is blue the ocean is to.
The grass is green The air is what we breathe.

Your eyes are green
my eyes are blue.

You bleed red and I do too. Your love is meant for me, and mine is meant for you .

Your so kind  your heart must be made of gold because you make my heart shine, you give it  warmth when it use to be cold .

Our love will be here until the end of time, because our love grows stronger as the days grow longer.

And we will share our love ,and spread  it throughout life ,
as long as we live, until the day we die.

So many so many in my head,
    a million secrets tucked away
    never to surface. Never to be told.

    Secrets with so many people the names have faded from my brain.
  
So many years in hiding ,these secrets no longer have a name.
     Except for a few ,or many of millions.
    
These secrets hold a different kind of secrecy . These are the speacial ones.
    The ones that play again and again in my mind.
    
   The kind that makes me smile, and have me cry, the kind of secretes that gets  me aroused . Secrets that also makes me sad.
  
These are the kind of secrets I will never ever regret.
    These are the secrets of Me and Someone else.

   The best kind of secrets, the ones you'll  never tell.

For  Christmas you got me Jewlery

     For my Birth Day ,it was perfume

    On Valentine Day it was a box of candy..

At age 23 I had your baby. That was the best gift you ever gave me.

Your in and out of Dr's offices ERs and surgery and I don't really know why.

With wonder I have sat in a chair , in the corner of my room . With hours passing I'm thinking and concerned about you.

Months and months with constant questions directed directly to you. Trying to get answers from you.

Don't you think I worry ?Don't you know I care.
You just dismiss my concern and float off somewhere.

I am lost in the dark, out in the cold with heartbreak ,stress and confusion,a daily crossword with no clues to why.

I thought we were close I thought we were pals I thought we were even more than best friends.So why not inform me on your condition and what is your illness

You tell me nothing, all my qustions ignored...Cant you see it hurts,especially  when I can't always connect.(with you) I feel I'm drifting further away from you.

I barely know you sometimes my friend .How I truly hope I get you back again.

You say you keep me in the dark ,but your walking in the dark along side with me.

As sickness isn't pretty and if I don't know Its better for me.
Being in the dark is where I want to be.

I'm  dead I have been since birth.

    I breathe, I see and I speak.

    It's the inside is what I mean.
    I feel nothing, but hurt,sorrow and
    pain.

   To laugh ,giggle and be joyfully is like
  taking candy from a baby. It's hard.

   I've  tried suicide but I couldn't do it.

  But I now have a better solution. One
  I can follow through with.

To drive my truck off a cliff under the
influence and me in it of course.
  
   To those who say they love me and care.

Don't you dare shed a tear. No funeral no service let them burn my body and throw away the ashes.
  
If I didn't have a place I really liked when I was alive I sure don't have one when I'm dead.
    
So when you get a text from me that reads the word Goodbye.... You can best believe I have already died.

The text would  be a schedule one to be sent out at a chosen time.

To miss someone brings time almost to a stand still.
    
To miss someone makes an hour feel like many and a  day feel like a week.

To miss someone makes mornings gloomy and the nights long and cold.

To miss someone takes away energy and turns it into misery.
To miss someone heavies the heart and bruises the soul.

To miss someone creates an hate to light and befriends the dark.

To miss someone is an absence  in the heart.
Which causes torture within ourselves.

A child is born into a world unknown to their innocence.
   We corrupt there ****** minds Teach them hate anger and selfishness we poison there them before they turn five. When we let television into their life.
Politics the government is this world's biggest crime syndicates. We the people allow it when we don't use our voice when we don't vote when we don't enforce love education and values to our young at home. Pit down the cell phone lap top and tablet just for one night no video games or you tube for the teens make it a family nite. Talk talk talk talk.

A gentle breeze and everything becomes slow motion is a sign you are near.
I lower my head and close my eyes, as I slowly turn my head.
A deep breath as my eyes open. walking in slow motion straight towards me , I become nervous my hands are sweating and my heart begins to race faster then before.
A chizzled face , dark dark eyes standing 6 feet tall with his unbutton shirt and a six pack abs. He's the most beautiful man I have ever saw.
The sun hides behind the clouds so it's shady for those few seconds as he passes me .
I can barely swallow and  my knees are weak but yet I feel so amazing because the finest guy I have ever seen said hello as he in very slow motion walked right pass me.

I was protected from life's disruption.
I was simple it was nice

I was humble and not always sociable.
I was not always this nice.
I spent time with others but mostly alone. I engaged in family functions but prefered not to be seen.

I was known but didn't know a lot.
I had love I  just wasn't in love.
Was I happy no not at all. Was I content. I'm not sure.
Am I sure of how I feel.

Not until I met you.
You opened me up.
You made me see things more clearly.
You gave me joy and you became my friend.
I learned good values and I gained a new spirit. My life was no longer animated.
You made me bolder you showed me more than I ever knew was possible

You gave me love loyalty, trust truth.
You had me fall in love with you.

Early morning the birds arnt even awake . There's only silence and a vague sound of dew drops falling on the ground .
In a distance a cat walks across my path as I sit on an old tree stump .

I take one last drag from my cigarette I flick it and then I look up at the sky, at that very moment a tear falls from my eye.

I then mumble quietly to myself  I miss you . I really do

One can never see the light if they don't walk out from the dark the heavyweight of hate will never be lifted if we don't learn how to forgive