I have a knife in a jar surrounded by felt tip pens
I have sharpened it on a metal file
so much that it's point is replaced with a roundness
When it had a point it was easier to use
When it became round it was harder
It hurts more
Now I find that better
I don't cut as deep
It is the hurt that helps

I feel shallow
A person with no content
Hopeless
Useless
I can't think clearly
I'm not doing very well
I'm not well
What have I done?
I took myself down this way

I feel like I have learnt nothing
Endless procrastination
Resulted in struggling to see past today
Resulted in repeating endlessly
Sometimes the small light inside fills me
I feel like a different person
Temporarily
I am trying hard to change

Again. Again. Again.
I am in the circle
It has been with me forever
Five decades
Of going round
Round and round
Repeating
I am tired of repeating
I am tired of being me