"I'm sorry"
"Why are you sorry"
"My peices are making a mess"
"I'm okay with mess"

I may be quiet
But that's just because my mind is loud

Why is everything pain

life is beautiful --
but you can't find
the beauty 
in the world,
in your life,
if you're not looking,
or admiring
the space
around you
and within others.

i wasn't searching
for anything --
until i started searching for
love,
only then
i begun to find
little heart shapes
in everything.

bread, 
street cracks,
pages in schoolbooks,
doorways,
steak,
fabric folds, 
car reflections,
freckles --
even those.

i thought
i was losing it --
seeing things.
until i realised,
i was searching for love,
and love
was finding me
the most unique places.
and it was beautiful.

so start looking
around you --
at the little things,
in the quiet.
maybe then
you'll find something
that helps you
heal
and find the beauty
in living 
and something
that reminds you
why living
matters.

run
run
run --
run away as fast
as you possibly can.
get away.
get out of that place.

you don't know the
horrors of being there
like i do.

trust me,
and run.
run
run
run.
as fast as you can.

get away
before you
make it out
barely breathing.

covered in blood,
missing a limb,
open wounds,
a pounding headache,
a swollen ankle --
just run no matter
what it takes.

you don't understand
the horror
like i do.

It's only through mistakes we make
We learn where we went wrong.
It's only when we're far from home
We realize where we belong.

It's only when we close our eyes
Our dreams seem clear and bright.
It's only in our darkest hours
We truly see the light.

It's only when we lose our way
We pray to the stars above.
It's only through times of grief
We learn the true meaning of love.

It's only when all hope seems lost
And our weary journey seems so far,
When all the world's against you,
We learn how strong we really are.

All things are sent to try us.
We must strive and give our best.
I believe God is watching over us,
And he guides us in our que​st.

Look into my eyes
and tell me what you see.
Do you see a reckless girl
or someone depressed at 13?

Do you dare see the tears
that spread across my skin?
Do you see all my losses
or the very few I win?

If you dare to touch my hand,
will you feel my softness
or will you feel the calluses
from burns and feeling-less?

Do you see unflawed youth,
or do you see a broken child?
Do you see all my pain,
or do you see me just as wild?

Can you tell I'm screaming
out for help I need?
Or am I just the silence of
the whistling wind without heed?

Look into these eyes
and peer into my soul.
Tell me, what do you see?
Am I broken or am I whole?

I lie awake tonight,
Wishing of things I can change.
I try to convince myself,
But it's all so strange.

Is it me,
Or is it you?
Do I try,
Or are we through?

So long we've shared
Just to walk away.
But so much hurt
To want to stay.

Why do we do this,
Try to hurt the other more,
Only to watch one
Walk right out the door?

I love you so much,
Yet I push you to the point of breaking,
But why do you play with my heart
And never stop taking?

Is this the end
Or a new beginning?
Only one can guide me
When my head is spinning.

Don't push,
Don't try,
Don't stress,
Don't cry.

That is what plays
Over in my head
As I try to close my eyes
And just go to bed.

Have you ever held in pain to the point where it seemed like you didn't care?
You could've sworn you were crying,
But when you went to wipe tears away there was nothing there?
Going through life empty,
Just letting the world pass you by.
Numb to any feelings,
Just wishing you could die.
I feel like this daily.
So lost I don't know what to feel.
When in fact I do feel pain, I can't believe that it's real.
So as I lay my head down tonight,
I close my eyes and pray.
I pray that God will give me guidance and to maybe feel someday.