Somethings are unfixable
You just have to learn
How to live with it broken

- the family I was given

Once upon a time
I wanted to be a writer
I wrote and rewrote
All the things I had inside my mind
But it was never good enough

Then the colors got shattered
And red dripped from everywhere
I thought it was ironic
Words flood on the pages
After, and only after
I felt like there was nothing inside to give

- I got the writing and gave all else in exchange

Bound tight to the earth
For the couple last months
Didn't see when
My feets began to float
Didn't want to mess my life up
I had just rearrange
But it's hard to avoid
When you don't see the changes
Now I'm in foreigner waters
And I never learned how to swim
Do I step back?
Do I keep it up?
Do I say that?
Do I take this turn?
I don't want to want
But I do
I want everything
I also want you

- Promise me you'll catch me

You've put me into this world
Yet you despise me
Not looking on my face
Not asking if I'm ok
Just want to know
When I'm moving out
Why did you bring me into your life
If you hate the fact that I have one?

- the disgusting look in your eyes kills me everyday mom

I take a shower
After shower
After shower
After shower
Trying so desperately
Wash it away

The sweat
The thoughts
The scent
The guilt

Trying to untie the knots
In my stomach
In my head

I stay under the burning water
Wishing it somehow take it all
And carry it down the drain
So I can come off the shower
And feel clean again

I never knew
My heart would ache like this
Ever again

I never considered
Be in this position
Again
Crying the same cry
Again

Trigger me
You don't need much
Just the right word

Trigger me
Till the point I need
To numb everything

A pull
An intrusive thought
I could so easily drown in the pool

But night's young
And ******* long
So let's crack our drinks
And light it up
Make some steam

My head's pounding with no med
So let's soak it in
Till I can't see two feets ahead

I know you all will be up till morning
But I can't stand this much longer
So I'll knock myself out
Send down my throat whatever your handing
Till I pass out fourteen hours straight
Numb to the point I won't hear the words you're saying