I take a shower
After shower
After shower
After shower
Trying so desperately
Wash it away

The sweat
The thoughts
The scent
The guilt

Trying to untie the knots
In my stomach
In my head

I stay under the burning water
Wishing it somehow take it all
And carry it down the drain
So I can come off the shower
And feel clean again

I never knew
My heart would ache like this
Ever again

I never considered
Be in this position
Again
Crying the same cry
Again

Trigger me
You don't need much
Just the right word

Trigger me
Till the point I need
To numb everything

A pull
An intrusive thought
I could so easily drown in the pool

But night's young
And ******* long
So let's crack our drinks
And light it up
Make some steam

My head's pounding with no med
So let's soak it in
Till I can't see two feets ahead

I know you all will be up till morning
But I can't stand this much longer
So I'll knock myself out
Send down my throat whatever your handing
Till I pass out fourteen hours straight
Numb to the point I won't hear the words you're saying

Thank you,
For opening an old wound on me
Deeper than before
So I can see roses blooming from it

Thank you,
For reminding me I can bleed
And making my words flow
I write better when my heart's beating slowly

Thank you
For giving me a taste of a different kind of love
Just to give it back to hurt and longing
At least I had a glimpse of what it could have been

And most of all, thank you
For being the exact reason
I keep my walls so high
And my words for myself

Now you're just another reason for my self isolation

- I kinda new from the start, but I lied to myself - too.

You were my sword
I don't even have the shield now

- how can one person be a duo?

It all blends together
The heat of the flashes
The giggling in the hazy
Hair strands on yours cheeks
A faint voice tripping on my ear
Yours hands sliding down my jeans
And it's so loud
I can't really tell which part
Is the music pumping in my veins?
Or the raining voices gossiping?
The shadows come and go
And the only thing I can actually process
Is how drunk on you I am
The rest is a blur
A distant dream
There's dance and there's drinking
But I only see the honey of your eyes
And the rest is confetti

I bleed poetry
When the wound you left on me opens
Ink dripping out of my skin
And words streaming out of my lips
The shadows that are passing by stop to hear
And after a few minutes they plead
It's so beautiful
And so sweet
The art you make out of me
But no poetry is worthy enough
For the blood and pain
I had to go through to pick up the pen

- art isn't beautiful until I make it so