How am I suppose to make a home
Out of the strangers who raised me?
- A house it's not a home.

I wanna die but don't feel any pain
I don't wanna melt down again
I wanna disappear without a sound
I wanna break every bound
Every vow
I wanna see my blood running
As life itself run away
Before realise it was all in vain
I wanna die
I wanna die
But in a special way
I wanna feel
But not pain
Will it be realisation?
Or sorrow till the end?
Will it be cries and howls
Or rest for my brain?
I wanna know
I wanna know
And it might be just pain
And not a single drop of relieve
I don't doubt
Because all the blame will be in me
For being wrong again
But at least "again"
Won't happen again, then.

Don't even get me started
I try to avoid it but it just hits harder
I try to cut it short but it keeps going farther
I try to pretend it but I ain't a actor

Maybe I should relax and give it time
Wait a bit, don't they say that time flies?
I'll be alright then
I'll be calm and I'll listen
I'll be sharing big smiles for no reason
I'll be helping other peoples with their demons
I'll make dinner while listening to Ed Sheeran
Then grab a book, dwell in a world of fiction

For a couple hours I'll forget
That when I went to sleep I will not get
The peace I want
Nor the easy I need
Maybe one day, I'll be able to get a proper sleep.

-It's okay, I've never liked to cook anyway.

I don't really get it
I wish I knew better
I wish the answer was clever
Because I have the answer
And it doesn't matter
'Cause I can't do it anyways
I can't do it and I hate it
I can't do it but I wanna take it
When it breaks will it worth what it takes?
I feel like dying
Then I feel like holding on
Because for a couple of minutes it doesn't  hurt so bad
Then it feels like I'm chained to my bed
I sink into the blankets and just want to disappear
Not daring to move 'cause they might hear
I feel guilty I wanna die
Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty
Because, aren't feelings a kind of beauty?
I guess so
But I don't think so
I don't think that feeling so hard at the point you feel your soul's breaking
It's cool, okay
since art out of it is what you're making.

-Can't art come out of good feelings too?

They say when a cloud aren't so high in the sky
you can see it moving.
When they are high, though
don't show movement at all.
Sometimes I think when people are so high
they are like clouds, they don't show anything at all.
They're so distant for that.
So high.
So far.
So untouchable.
In times like these, I'm sure;
I don't wanna be a high cloud.

-I'm a cloud. I'm already high enough.

And now I'm with this funny feeling
and the funny thing is that this ain't funny at all.
I keep using the funny phrase to make it sound casual,
but sometimes you can choke on your own pain
and be certain that it will be fatal.

And it's funny how it was easy for you
to walk away and still keep your cool.
And it's so **** funny that it brought me to tears
the way you made me think it was all my fault
when you were the one who promised heal me
but instead layed in my wounds salt.

And I guess this may be darkhumor
cause it's funny
you who were so sunny,
made it rain.
But it doesn't rain anymore.
It's just cold
and I'm still frozen,
with that ironic frozen smile in my face.
You know,
they say it's so funny how it happened,
I keep laughing when I remember
how sweet was your grin
when you left
I suddenly caught myself wishing for rain again.

- I didn't thought the desert would drown me too.