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Callamasttia Dec 2018
I don't really get it
I wish I knew better
I wish the answer was clever
Because I have the answer
And it doesn't matter
'Cause I can't do it anyways
I can't do it and I hate it
I can't do it but I wanna take it
When it breaks will it worth what it takes?
I feel like dying
Then I feel like holding on
Because for a couple of minutes it doesn't  hurt so bad
Then it feels like I'm chained to my bed
I sink into the blankets and just want to disappear
Not daring to move 'cause they might hear
I feel guilty I wanna die
Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty
Because, aren't feelings a kind of beauty?
I guess so
But I don't think so
I don't think that feeling so hard at the point you feel your soul's breaking
It's cool, okay
since art out of it is what you're making.

-Can't art come out of good feelings too?
Callamasttia Dec 2018
I keep pretending you're here with me
in nights like these where I can't sleep.
I imagine you're lay, slow breath
your lazy body giving me peace.

'Cause I remember when I used to have nightmares
You would come over and ask to sleep here.
You used to sleep with your hand on mine,
I still feel your heat.

And I think you don't even remember that time,
I guess I shouldn't too.
Still, I keep awake telling to the moon
all the things I miss about you.

But tonight it's raining,
there's no moon to talk to
I remember how you loved this kinda of weather
you could sleep with long shirts hanging loose
I'm trying to sleep, I swear
but every drops screams your name
and this ain't fair.

-I miss how colorful evereything seemed with you around.
Callamasttia Dec 2018
They say when a cloud aren't so high in the sky
you can see it moving.
When they are high, though
don't show movement at all.
Sometimes I think when people are so high
they are like clouds, they don't show anything at all.
They're so distant for that.
So high.
So far.
So untouchable.
In times like these, I'm sure;
I don't wanna be a high cloud.

-I'm a cloud. I'm already high enough.
Callamasttia Dec 2018
And now I'm with this funny feeling
and the funny thing is that this ain't funny at all.
I keep using the funny phrase to make it sound casual,
but sometimes you can choke on your own pain
and be certain that it will be fatal.

And it's funny how it was easy for you
to walk away and still keep your cool.
And it's so **** funny that it brought me to tears
the way you made me think it was all my fault
when you were the one who promised heal me
but instead layed in my wounds salt.

And I guess this may be darkhumor
cause it's funny
you who were so sunny,
made it rain.
But it doesn't rain anymore.
It's just cold
and I'm still frozen,
with that ironic frozen smile in my face.
You know,
they say it's so funny how it happened,
I keep laughing when I remember
how sweet was your grin
when you left
I suddenly caught myself wishing for rain again.

- I didn't thought the desert would drown me too.
Callamasttia Dec 2018
You thought she was needy
and begging for attention.
You saw her as a girl with lack of love,
that you knew better.
So you asked her to leave,
because someone who craved love so hard
would give love away too easily.
She was in love
with you
and only you.
She made it easy for you
and was ready to fall with no holding back
specially for you.
She would never done it for somebody else,
but here you are.
Guessing that's because she made it easy for you
she usually make it easy for anyone
when you were the only one.
The one she allowed,
the one she loved
the one she wanted
and the only one who losted.
Callamasttia Dec 2018
I wanna cry like I've  never cried before.
I wanna die like I've never died before.
Because I've died too many times
and today I'm dying a little bit more.
I do not even understand,
wish I knew why we do this kinda of stuff for.

-Everytime I think the fall will end
                                                             I fall
                                                                      a little bit
                                                                                        more.
Callamasttia Dec 2018
I love you. I really do.
You're the best thing I've ever knew.
When gets dark and nothing is left to do
I keep here, just thinking about you.
Did you ever tried? Did even wanted to mark me like that?
Cause all I'm today is on you.
Every line and every song I sang,
Every tear and buttlerflies on dance.
All I think it's worth to live for,
its you who brought.

- Tell me, may I one day means that much to you too?
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