It wasn't even a week
One day
Two days
Three days
Four days and now you're the happiest you've been
Did you forget about the 601 days 22 hours 7 minutes and 14 seconds?
Did you forget what we shared?
Or did I imagine it?
Who knows
Maybe you didn't love me
But I love you
Yesterday
Today
Tomorrow
Forever

I can't do it
I can't fight them
I can't continue a war
Which I was born to lose
I can't just submit
I can't handle all this mayhem
I can't continue to spar
And deal with this abuse
But you can't argue with your parents
Even when they weren't there till 5
Said you're a waste of space
Given you many reason to die
And the means to try
8 times
Because they will say
They are the parents
So they can do what they want
And I'm are forced to stay
Because I'm are the kid
I don't know what's right and wrong
I'm not ready for the "real world"
So I dream of the day when I can leave
And the day when I never come back
But sadly
I still have
1 year
101 days
18 hours
57 minutes
40 seconds
Left
In
Hell

2017 for me was unforgettable
And it was practically indescribable
But yet not in a good way
I lost friends day by day
I lost someone I loved
Someone who taught me to see past the mud
However those I put on a shelf
Because in 2017 I lost myself
I lost touch with reality
I felt like there was no gravity
But yet there was a light at the end of the tunnel
I found someone amazingly beautiful
I found someone who to me means world
I found someone who I cannot bore
Someone who showed me myself
She gave me reasons to want to cope
She I realize is my hope

I see the sea
And you see the sea
So we see the sea
But does the sea see the sea
Does the sea see the sea like we see the sea
Or does the sea see the see in a secret way
Would the sea see the sea as we see ourselves
Or does the sea see us as we see each other
But how would the sea see us as we see someone else
When we see someone else in a special way
Not two single things see someone the same way
So how do we see someone else
Do we see someone as we secretly seek to see ourselves
Or do we see something in someone we shutout
So we don't see something similar in ourselves
Somehow we still see some people separately
When sometimes what we see is inseparable
So maybe somehow the sea sees someone
As someone they are supposed to seem
Someone they are supposed to be
Maybe we are all wrong
And just maybe the
Sea sees us
Separate but
Special

There is a spark to every flame that we make
A beautiful flower grows for every seed we plant
Stars are made from only two different elements
One tiny ripple can start a wave
A phoenix is born from ashes
But these are small
Because a smile
Can save
Lives

Sometimes we think we know people
But when it boils down to it
People are people
So we must decide what to permit
Why do we give up
Why do we give in
Why do we begin
When it might break up
Is it because we are human
Is it because we are people
But the answer will eternally be hidden
Because people will only ever be people

It's just something stupid I do
Something that I assume is out of view
Every time I get really depressed
And sometimes when I get a little stressed
I put a little mark on my arm
A mark that represents self-harm
It's nothing permanent it's only a highlighter
But sometimes it does represent my old lighter
However occasionally it's my old scissor
In a way it's kinda like my own armor
To keep me away from something I used to do
But I swear its only two

Dozen

Okay maybe I lied but it's only a few

Hundred

Fine it might be more than that
But there's no reason for us to have a chat
I have a therapist
So you don't have to get ******
I promise I'm still getting better
It's not like I'm using an old dagger

Or a rusty knife

And hey I haven't taken my own life

I swear no matter what I'll be okay
I can keep the depression at bay
Yes I'm still taking my meds
No I'm not going to tell those boneheads
There's no reason my parent's need to know
It's not like they would give a

Oh

You think I'm being shallow

Well that doesn't matter anyway
It's not like you will want to stay
No one does so don't feel bad

Wait

Why are you getting mad

All I said was what I do
Something that was kept out of view

Do you love me
Like I thought you did
I wonder if you want to be free
As I cry with closed eyelids
Can I simply let it all end
Why must I continue to bend
Why must  I live with all these terrible things
Why must I live while it continues to sting
Can I stop crying myself to sleep
Please I promise I'll make any leap
I don't want you to leave
So don't make me start to grieve
I swear no matter what I won't let you go
As long as there's hope of our tomorrow

I am in extreme panic
And my mind is going a little frantic
I don't know what to do
When I am unbearably blue
My girlfriend decided to go home
She says nothing is wrong
But then she won't respond after that
Until she decided to have a chat
She has me panicked badly
Just by saying she so sorry
But now she won't respond
And so in panic I decided to call her mom
So now I'm sure she will probably hate me
But I understand if it's the way it has to be
But I am crying in the middle of class
Hoping she doesn't slit her wrist with some glass

Some days I just feel like giving in
Some days you throw me in a spin
Some days you make me wanna die
Some days you make me start to cry
Some days I decide not to do it anymore
Some days you drain me to my core
Some days you torture my life
Some days you twist the knife
Some days I can't forget what you did
Some days you built me up like a pyramid
Some days you decide to tear me down
Some days you cause my breakdowns
Some days I miss you even more
Some days you caused my insides to declare war
Some days you stole my heart and caused my issues
And yet Every Day I still love you

You used to be my bestie
We used to stay for the resties
Then a simple little accident
You made your master stunt
I tell you that it slipped
And you tell everyone I'm a little *****
Now you twisted and turned your story
To make me seem a little pervy
Something from you I wouldn't expect
But then again what should I suspect
All you do is make everything big
Even when it wasn't intended to begin
Now all I say is I'm sorry
But you go on a lying spree
But I've worked too hard to give in
To all the pain you put me in
So now I'm saying goodbye
To you and all your lies

Do you ever feel empty inside
Do you ever want to curl up and hide
Do you know right away
That the day is going to be this way
Have you ever felt so very lonely
That you desire to be so very ******
Have you ever wanted to cut it all away
And hope it will all be gone someday
Have you ever felt the need to cry
Have you ever desired to die
Have you ever decided to give up
Have you decided you don't want to grow up
Have you ever grabbed a knife
During a day without life

Once a day I sit and write
I write to avoid another fight
I fight with my dad
I fight with my mom
We always end up mad
And the house is like Vietnam
This happens every single day
And I always end up having to pay
So now there's another fight
At only half-past midnight
And my dad, the source of all my fears
Causes me to be lost in my own tears

You claim that you love me more then I love you
However I don't understand how you think that is true
Because to me you are my heart and soul
Because of you my heart has taken it's toll
Now I could tell you I love you to the moon and back
But you would just say you love me more then that
And even though we both know that isn't true
You and I would still argue
So after thinking for quite some time
I realized I love you like a rhyme
A rhyme that flies in the soft winter breeze
A rhyme that rises like the seven great seas
You see my love a rhyme is more then just a few verse
A rhyme is something that cannot disperse
A rhyme is something that can be sweet and cute
However only if one knows how to exacute
My love a rhyme is so much more then you and I
But there is something that when it comes to rhyme it doesn't apply
A rhyme cannot love you the way I do
But a rhyme can help me explain how much I love you
So here I am writing in rhyme
Explaining to everyone you are mine

Love is something
That you can't describe
Some say it's amazing
Others think of it as a diatribe
Now even for those who do not love
Cannot deny that nothing is above
The feeling of your heart skipping a beat
Or realizing you smile in your sleep
And when you see their unintentional smile
Or their horrible taste in music style
You realize that without them
You would be lost
Because to you they are a gem
Covered in winter frost

Life has some very special ways
It will repeatedly tell you that things are going to be okay

It will show you that there's nothing quite like love
And will put you with someone who fits like a glove

And then it will look at you and smile
And it will stay like this way for a while

It will make you feel like nothing really matters
It will give you everything that will make you feel flattered

And then it will grin it's evil menacing grin
And then you know It has decided to make your life spin

It will change all so quickly
And it will make you so very shifty

It will make you ask "what did I do wrong??"
And it will make you question where you belong

And then it will tell you that you are completely and utterly worthless
And it will show you that when it comes down to it, life is completely heartless

And as it spins you on it's horrifying merry-go-round
It will you put you in a place where you will never be found

It will tell you that you mean nothing
And it will make you wanna do something

It will tell that there's nothing quite like learning to fly
And it will tell you that the only way to do that is to die

And then it will go and tell you to pick up that knife
And then it will tell you to end your life

And in this completely emotional wreck of a place you are in
There's only one thing you can do, and that is to listen


~CDJ~