I wrote you a love letter
while wearing her perfume
On my wrist
Affirmations on a tissue
Or was it a puking bag?

To seat 4D

To you,
Whoever you might be
I wonder are you lost,
On your way,
Or perhaps are you found?

Just for a moment
Together,
Here,
With me
Somewhere in eternity

So
As it became winter  again
The question arose

Dark thoughts
or just
Dark weather?

I tried again
Unfortunately  

Because
Obviously

She unmatched me

The first time
I cut
Was with the pocket knife
My mother gifted to me
For my coming of age

"In case something need fixing"

Pinks like teeth
Ripping on flesh
Dragged through my skin

I didn't go very deep

No courage to life
No courage to die
Back then

A total failure
What an embarrassment
Lost  in a stalemate
Of heritage and upbringing

Left alone between
A loving broken home
And a suffocating society

Different ages call for different cages
Different in size and shape
But all the same in it's function

I'm out now
Free,
Free to lock myself away
To go looking on my own
For the familiar safety
That is found behind bars.

There is this one question
Which seems to manifest
Waiting, lurking
Behind every turn
And every corner
A reacurring visitor

Tell me
Where did I go wrong?
What did I miss?

Tell me
What is wrong with me?

It's true
I can be
whoever I want
When I'm with you

No pressure to be
Anything
No preassure to perform

But I'm left asking myself
Now,
As I see less an less of you
As you're out with your new friends
Spend time with your girl
All this time

Was it because you saw me
And accepted me as I am
Or was it because
You don't  really know
How to care?

I feel myself slipping
Growing weaker by the day
I chose to soften
To slow down
Go easy, take five

The more I do
The less I want to go back
To the before
To get up and try again

Why try again?
Let's just lay down
Hide
And fade away

Choosing peace
I lost
My edge

It's true
I can adapt
I can recover

Rebuild,
Reconnect
And suffer and suffer

But why should I
Why fail
And lose again?

If I'm hard wired
To seek comfort in familiarity
Then why bother?

Because
As long as I choose not to
My body draws it's next breath
And each day still passes the next

My life my be lost on me
For now
But to you a world with me in it
Is not all meaningless yet