I'm leaving for a while

left with the wind, just like that
Hopefully it won't affect your smile
not to much at least, well maybe a little.
Hopefully without me you'll still have a shoulder to lean on
just don't forget me and, you know, have to much fun on your own
while I'm gone.

While I'm gone to see
how the rain falls on the other side
how the light breaks in waterfalls
how the jungle sounds, all the oceans smell when the sun is shining a little to bright
How the desert sand feels running through my hands
running away like the time we had together.

How many ways are there up the mountain,
to make me feel alive again?
The view from the peak as my reward

To go where the earth, water and sky meet, become one
for me to walk on
Where hills become rainbows for me to climb
Take the same steps, same roads as the people of the past
civilizations long gone
I wish we could share it ,
all the spices o the world on the tip of my tounge

I'm looking for peace, for kidness, for love
Let's find out if life is really worth living,
let's see if I can find it, my way of life
tucked away, hidden in a treasure trove

Not only to witness but to experience it,
first hand, for a change
Be part of a story
add lines to the lyrics of their songs
Instead of just being part of the audience,
the reader turning page after page
Take the plunge and see where it leads me,
what else is in my range?

I wish getting there would be a little gentler tho,
I could use a little bravery and courage before the scary part.

I hope when I make it back we'll still be the same,
although we all will have changed of course
I know nothing lasts for ever, we will lose each other eventually,
but
I'm not quite ready to accept that yet
and I hope I never will be.
Some things are just to good not to hurt in the end.

I miss my time with you already
it still tastes bitter to just leave like that
I can't wait to see you again
spend time like we used to, remember?
Talk to you soon in different times my friend.

I'm 23 now (24,25,...)
and already so tired
Tired of it all
the constant struggle
for sustain, for mediocrity
compromise what makes you you and feel alive

How much longer
Do i have to go on?

How long will you keep believing
what was promised to you?
How long can you wait
for the promised payout
that you're still hoping, wishing, begging for?

I just want to be healthy and happy
in life
why is that so hard to get,
so hard to keep
alive?
Am I asking to much?
Shouldn't that be the minimum?

Dear body, dear mind, dear soul
What's the point of survival
without a good reason to stay alive for?

And what's the alternative when dying isn't an option either?
I still do want to go on, my body wants to live
it has an agenda, a mind of it's own

Still hasn't had enough, still isn't fed up,
no energy left to spend,
no  feelings, no anger left to vent
it still holds on, teeth clenched it claws, it crawls on

Just indifference and that little cursed hope
that keeps me from letting go completly,
keeps me holding on.

Working in gastromony taught me some things
in life
everything gets more intense

when you add a little salt

:)

Today I created liquid poerty,
that no one understands
or cares for, no one asked.

Still it made the news,
which made a spot on my mothers fridge,
which made my day.

Once this menu is gone
my creations will be forgotten forever
or worse reinvented under a false name
by another, ignorance chasing originallity.

I poured my all out for nothing,
gave it all away for some recognition, basic respect
and now I'm all used up,
I've served my purpose.

Time to go, to be replaced and left behind
with nothing
but some blurry bittersweet memories
of lost bonds and time wasted,
and a bit of  sad leftover pride.

Oh to do it all again, and lose yourself
in the service of others.
Back than when my energy was infinite,
to move without bounds is magical.

But have you tried happiness,
peace of mind,
A healthy soul?

cause peace was never an option

I keep running, moving, pushing,
gaslighting myself.
Chased by the fear
that the moment I stop moving
I'll be falling back into that hole.

That grey bottomless pit
Where nothing goes in or out
Where nothing matters anymore
x times gravity to the ground

I'm a ticking time bomb,
implosion is inevitable
A strong urge to lay down,
to

Just give up