I can see a word

Or phrase

And conjure up hundreds of stories

Images

And yet

I can't find the words

To place these same images

Into other's heads

I have many friends
They see my best
They've even seen my tears
But they haven't seen in any way
The worst of me
They haven't seen the silent screaming
When it hurts beyond tears
They haven't seen the meals I skip
When I hate my very breath
They haven't seen the worst of me
The worst of me will never be seen
The worst nights I hold close to my chest
Trust me
They will never see the blood drip off my skin
When I feel like ending my life

I just want to make you proud
Proud of who I am
Proud of how far I've come, and how far I'll go

I just want to make you proud
Proud of the little things I do, that drain my soul
Proud that I made it out of my small hole

I just want to make you proud
Proud that I do well in life
Proud of the relationships I've built

I just want to make you proud
But you make it so hard
Is making you proud even worth it?

I just want to make you proud
Proud, even just a little, just enough
To acknowledge that I exist

Be the one to believe
When everyone else has lost faith
Be the one to love
When everyone else hates
Be the one to speak life
When everyone else screams death
Be the one to bring hope
Into a darkened world

When I write
I write with all of me
Because when I write
My writing shows me
What I always fail to see
It reveals hopes and fears
It reveals dreams and tears
It reveals the things that I can never say

If you catch me in the halls
Or pass me in the streets
And you happen to see
That I am wearing red
Please know
It is not because I love it
I don't even like it
I wear red, because to me
The color red is a reminder
A reminder that I don't have to make myself bleed
To keep on living