Sometimes I go to bed
With so much pain
And I worry I won’t wake up
Won’t be able to hear your voice.
How can I let my eyes close
If there’s a chance I’ll miss out
On more days of us
You wouldn’t go to a phlebotomist
For a complex heart surgery
So why do you rely on yourself
To make you okay again?
Death is sitting in my corner
Exhaustion blurring my vision
My heart unable to find rythm
And my soul not ready to go
Fight all of it little warrior
It's the times you stare down at him
And confidently say you're not ready to go
That keeps you alive and breathing,
While your heart is barely beating.
This life won't slip away that easy
Cutters aren’t weak
They’re the cream of the crop
Nothing can get you down
You’re already keeping yourself there.
When you cut, the emotions die
There’s no need to laugh or cry
Not a single thing matters
It’s better that way sometimes
To feel nothing at all
Past tense title.
Perhaps I should say used to
Give me one good reason
One good reason to fight when it feels like I can’t
One good reason to get up and face the odds
One good reason not to give up and let them win
One good reason to forgive those who have hurt me countless times
One good reason to let go of my last and fight for my future
One good reason to move on
One good reason to find a solution to all the hurt I feel
One good reason to love those who I feel like can’t be loved
One good reason to trust those who have betrayed me
One good reason
That’s all I’m asking for
Can you give it to me?
Just one good reason will be enough for me
So please, give me one
It was yours from day one
Now it feels ripped apart
Torn to pieces
Waiting for someone who will try to fix it
They can try
But it will never be the same
It’ll be mended, but never whole
They can try to get me to feel better
But you’re the only one who can do that
You made me smile in ways no one else could
Laugh even when I didn’t want to
And love, even when me heart was cold as ice
You melted my frozen heart
Even when I was sure no one could
But you could
And you did
Why did you play with my emotions?
Why do you get mad when we don’t see eye to eye?
Why did I give you my heart?
Did you just want something to play with?
Someone you could mess with and then leave?
Did I mean anything to you?
Anything at all?
Or was I just a phase
Something just to help you pass the time until something better came along?
I guess so
I should’ve known better
I refused to see the signs
I wanted it to be you
I had hoped it would be you
But I was wrong about you.....again
I guess I’ll never learn
My heart will stay in pieces
Until you decide to come and fix it the way only you can
Because you were the one who broke me in the first place
mostly I just want to know what
it is like to feel, breath, and simply
If they could feel everything as I wrote
just as I did
then maybe they'd know
it’s ok to love yourself
it’s ok to let go of the hate
-what i wish she had known