There is no longer a need for sleep. My dreams now manifest in daylight. These white knuckles wrestle stars into one another against the morning sky. The vail of daylight slowly emerges. pushing your face back into the darkness. It’s never the version we want, this thing called love.

When you lost your father, you told me life must run its course. I remember thinking you were so brave, although you fell asleep with my hand still wrapped in yours. That night you were sure you heard him speak, as lights from passing cars crawled from your toes up to your knees. I love you dear and one day you’ll be ok

In the field, I felt the breeze chasing at our backs. As dandelion pedals danced captured in its waves. Your sun brushed skin was calling to the shade. Much like my eyes called to you.

My heart felt like a broken metronome, as I fumbled for the words. But your hands said it all, as your finger landed on my lips. My memories are leaving, but you will always remain.

Was it where the oceans met, that you left my memory behind? I feel like I’m still falling through the depths, in a refraction of time.

I just want you to know that in that last life of ours, we weren’t wrong. I think we only scratched the surface, because I still feel you today.

I rushed to sleep tonight, as the shadows cast along the darkened walls. I could feel your voice calling out to me, your breathing ever so close. The veil is passing, and you are almost back inside my arms.

I seen the cosmos within your eyes, along with all the possibilities. I could’ve lived a thousand times but none of it would matter without you.

Your hands are like anchors around my neck, ebbing with every new wave.

It’s been another cold night, the once plentiful  firewood is becoming more scarce. The walk is getting so far, that I got lost again today. I almost didn’t find my way back. I moved out here to clear my head, but something tells me that revaluation may come too late. The crackling of the ice and water from the creek, are a welcomed symphony. The sounds calm my thoughts but the silence helps me focus. Each night I feel you clawing your way out, but I’m still not ready to part ways. Lagavulin, accompanied by a single shot glass. Sit positioned slightly to the left of the table, leaving the fire in full view. When the bottle is finished I will place this page into the flames, just as I did the day before. Una cicatrice d'amore, è la prova che hai amato.

It slowly builds, all these gears forever turning. Speaking softly, so I don’t miss the important parts. Wipe the eyelash from your face, to break up the moment. Take a breath, remember times not infinite. Focus now, I think the room stopped closing in. Sweaty palms, searching hard for confidence. Line it up, inching closer to your cheek. Feel the warmth, coming gently off your limbs. Shake my thoughts, as I finally meet your lips.

The temptation in the peace of nature, pulls at the essence of each of us. Calling us home to lay beneath the stars and clear our minds.

Well I guess you were right again, I’m a black cloud that won’t let out. Circling just waiting for the flood. Nothing tangible inside this empty cage. An expressionless face, in transit forever at a snails pace. I really felt the spark this time around. Thought I found a place settle in, but that familiar wind came back around. Leaving me reaching for things I could never find. I don’t deserve the peace I’ve been seeking out, I don’t deserve the hands that have been reaching out. I’m heading back beneath the current now, hoping to shipwreck somewhere distant and quiet. A place to rewrite it all.

I still talk to you, when I close my eyes, days fly by, nights take up all my time.

If only I could conjure your ghost once more. One more kiss, one last goodbye.

Our memories will remain our best kept secrets.
Lingering like held piano keys.

A hand glides gently over the sand, a simple line separates the sea. The sky just mirrors its mass, as I watch it swallow the sun. A single light sits on the horizon line, but only visible amongst the stars.

Lonely, just ain’t like it used to be. I guess I’ll settle for a bottle of whisky, if the day moves too slow.

How have I already fallen? I have never seen your face. I’m already aware of the weakness that your smile carries. Every night I feel you, tugging at the very strings of my dreams. A reoccurring vision, sitting on the top steps of union park. Hours of watching strangers in transit, feeling the vibrations of passing trains beneath my feet. All just hoping to feel your ghostly hands graze my shoulders again.

The smell of your perfume swirling closer to my heart with every nervous breath. If I could turn around fast enough maybe you wouldn’t be gone. I know I will eventually find you, somewhere in the slowing of this summers kaleidoscope.

There are days when the past feels like a vivid dream. Even completely gone people still feel within arms reach. In a constant ageless cycle they circle around in your thoughts, until they return. I tend to face these things after the sun is hidden away. A bottle of wine accompanied by hours of staring blankly at the ceiling. Every movement slowly in reverse, every goodbye lost with the untangling of hands. I do my best to focus on the blue of the sky or steadiness of the breeze. Anything at all to try and forget the perfection of your face.

I just want to be at your side when the stars finally decide to crash. 20,000 ft above the shore line, my hand resting over your shoulder. Watching the finale in matching jet black sunglasses.

If I was able to call you, do you think the outcome would be the same. A change in your wedding dress, me in the isle on that day. I’ve been trying to shake things but lately the world just seems so dark. I know everyone’s hiding, the ghosts that tear them apart. I put it all on the surface, hoping the sun would reach my eyes. This room was too clouded, so tomorrow had no sky.

I wish we were back there, holding hands in the Berkshires’ breeze. The light of a fire, your shadow wrapping around me. The world didn’t feel so empty, when you were standing at my side. I reached out with both hands, but the calendar swallowed us inside.

Now I’m here at the lakeside, with a blanket and a bottle of cheap wine. I’m trying to kinder, the spirit that I know you left behind.
I’m just looking to hold her, and tell her what’s on my mind. Tell her I’m sorry, and that I love her, one last time.

Your lips touched my tear soaked cheeks, as the pressure loosened between our hands. My eyes remained fixed on your back, no longer allowing my heart to deceive my eyes.

It was dark and cold, on the road to nowhere. I thought about you cuddled up by the fire, little things to push on through. I gave up after mile marker 50, but I still had things to do. My coat was soaked from the mornings rainfall, but I thought the rainbows were so beautiful. little things to push me through.

When the sun went down, I was illuminated by passing cars. The chill came on as the moon centered in the sky, along with the satellites and stars. I pushed on thinking about one thing that you said, without you I’d be nothing but closer to death.

So I jumped over the median and headed off to
nowhere’s road. Knowing that I’d find myself or that I’d never make it home. It took probably a month but then it happened rather fast, a woman pulled up next to me and told me to throw in my bags. We talked about the world, and how traveling made us grow, we laughed and laughed until we both were gray and old. I guess I should say thank you for steering me towards that road, because if I never walked that path I never would’ve known.

I’m afraid I won’t know when,
It’s really time to let go.
I feel like it’s been two lifetimes,
Since I felt your hands on mine.
I know the texture is different with age,
But the rest remains the same.

I’m hoping you still think of me,
In the warmth of his arms.
Closing your eyes like our first kiss,
As that carousel continues to spin.
I know the imagines still remain,
I see them everyday.

Sleepless nights are close friends of mine,
hours spent watching you dance, across the ceiling of my mind.

Stars above
Someone take me there
Flying saucers
I hear are everywhere

Metal plates
Spinning freely in the night
Teleport me
Back inside your light

So we meet again, in the only place we can now. You lightly bite down on your finger nail before gently touching my cheek. It’s like we meet all over again, all the nervousness inside the room. As your hand grazes my cheek my eyes briefly close. Remembering all the love we shared, before we became strangers. Cuddled up on sheets in the freshly cut grass of Park *****, as fireworks lit up our wine glasses. We felt alone in the presence of a thousand wandering eyes, as we stayed fixed on one another. You will always be my favorite escape.

It’s safe to say I’m falling, never quite lost the feeling in my knees. There’s something about a fresh start, that we always seem to need. I’m counting stars as I plummet to your palm, I’m praying like a saint that when I land, you’ll still be holding on.

I can tell from all your photos, your wish finally came true. Once you forgot about the feelings, you stopped feeling so blue. I heard you met your husband at a holiday retreat, and the small talk conversation lasted from that night through the week. He said that he could stare at you forever, and count the wrinkles as you age. He said that he could love you forever just like he loved you today. Then you fell for him like rain drops, and landed on his lips. His hands along your cheek bones, your heart now part of his.

I hope you can tell from photos, I’m still stuck inside that night. When you fell asleep beside me, but dreamed of another life. I remember listening to your breathing, as tears were running down my face. I knew I had to say goodbye, to someone I could not replace.

The last time we spoke you said, everyday just bleeds into the next. The love of your life was still sleeping in your bed, although you weren’t sure you were happy. Getting let down is nothing a few bottles of wine can’t fix, we laughed it off. I told you I still wasn’t sure where I was or exactly how I felt. I've never known until they leave, and by then they all forget my face. I can still close my eyes, and describe your every bone and freckle. You said I love to push people away, but at least the distance kept me safe. Always one hand on their cheek, seconds before walking out for good.

Take off your shoes, let the warm sand make its way through your toes. The summer breeze gliding across your skin. The sounds of birds, crashing waves, and passing Cessnas. Hundreds of people laid out on sheets and towels. Enjoying this lovely sun filled day.

In the soft shimmering of sunlight, your face is like static on this lake. I wipe my eyes, but your face comes more into focus. I blinked as your eyes meet mine, now it’s back to falling. The waves distorting your smiling face, as I continue to submerge, my skins getting a little colder. I’m just trying to keep your attention, I’m just trying to hold on.

You speak of love like it’s something you lost, when truly you just chose to leave it behind.

My eyes were wide, yours were closed. I couldn’t look away for a second. I still remember the way my nervous hands reached for your cheeks. Trembling fingers, climbing across your face like piano keys. I took a deep breath, almost as if I wanted to pull you inside of me and trap you amongst the butterflies. You smiled in between the locking of our lips, as you tucked your hair behind your ear.  The streetlights lit up behind you, and suddenly the world was brand new. I fell so hard, I’m still looking up for your face.

Sometimes we think so much, our initial thought is lost. We find ourselves drowning within our own minds. Swimming over some feelings and right through others. Like a Rubik’s cube we gently run our fingers across them, trying to move them with calculation. Trying desperately to not change the mood. Every breath a fragile step, a pirouette between safety and sadness.

If you can still feel them in your bones, and tomorrow feels the same way yesterday did. It’s time to tell them it’s not over.

I stepped from the doorway, to find you waiting. My nervous eyes immediately fixed to the nearest piece of furniture. I guess looking was just to hard. My anxiety followed into the room, in awe of the beauty that was your flesh and bones. I remember feeling so drawn to you, as you just stood there in your dress. Your shoulders exposed, silently calling for my lips. The sunlight that escaped through the blinds, seemed to light your brown eyes ablaze. Highlighting every soft orange hue.

I don’t believe in these kind of things, love at first sight? My shaking knees steadily in disagreement. Every word that came to mind, I fought to try and mumble. Not a single sound passed through my lips. I guess I’ll admire you from here, for now. Quietly embracing your company.

I stepped from the doorway, to find you waiting. my nervous eyes fixed on furniture, because staring was just too hard. Beauty was flesh and bone, as my anxiety followed into the room. I just remember feeling so drawn to you, as you stood there in your dress. Your shoulders exposed, like they were calling for my lips. The sunlight that escaped through the blinds, set your brown eyes ablaze, highlighting the soft orange hues.

Love at first sight? I don’t believe in things like this, although my shaking knees would beg to differ. All the words that came to mind, I fought to try and mumble. Not a single sound passed through my lips. I will admire you from here, for now. Quietly embracing your company.

Its a freedom only few possess, to choose to pick up or stay without worry.

A blanket beneath the stars, she laid her head down on my lap.

We spoke about the future, and all things that make us scared. All the creaking of the floor boards and all the love that’s disappeared. I felt something for you that I’d never thought I’d feel, after all the years of *******, I hope that this one is for real.

It's buried now, those things I promised not to forget. I finally cleaned the slate and with it my sense of touch. I remember wearing a stranger's shoe, as they kissed one another on a train one night. I felt them aging happily, wrapped in each other's warmth. Now I can't even feel my own, cold sheets now match a cold pillow. An occupied ship without it's captain, drifting an endless sea.

Staggering along the streets, just howling at the moon. I hope to hell you hear me, echoing through your room. Headlights on the move, I appear as they speed on.
Like how I knew your face, before you were gone. So I've been hiding out, I've got no coins left to throw.
Just a boy with tired eyes, and a ghoulish glow.

I can no longer feel your ghostly hands.
I wish I could tell which one of us is disappearing.

It's lips of lead, that will be our greatest mistake.

You said to forgot you once that key turned in the door, stubbornly I choose to keep you close. No longer in arms reach, but tucked safely inside my heart. Sown into the fabric of every passing day. A place to retrace the steps that I never wanted to forget. Even now, that you have choose to not remember the feeling. I promise to never let the ambers go dark. I'll keep that warmth, and remember your soft embrace.

The words she said then,
Settled somewhere deep at the time.
I find myself now,
Tracing any path to feel them again.