I'm drowning
She told me not to trip.
But the wires of my mind are wrapping around my thighs
And whispers in my head are telling me lies.
And the tangles of my thoughts are tight against my socks
The wires are as thin as minty floss and they're cutting my skin
Over and over i try to hide my sins
Over and over im bleeding again
But i cant tell if its the wire thats cutting or my own hand
Oh how much i miss feeling boring and bland
Over and over this repeated message
All this noise making the fingers on my hand twitch
Making me grab this
Making me never miss
Only my heart feeds my target
Trying to save me
Trying to not let me slip
I'm just a paper person
Isn't that right?
Easily torn and easily ignited
Im buring and burning and i can't extinguish the fire
The ashes are falling
And everyone's watching
Just another person faking for attention
Not a special sight
Some even shout "End It."
Sometimes i silently say to myself
"I might"

"I'm fine"
I say
    "Im okay"
    I say
         " Its not important"
          I say
               " I'm not special"
                  I say
"Are you sure?"
They say
     "Do you wanna talk?"
     They say
           "It matters"
            They say
                " You matter"
                    They say...
Please don't don't try and read between lines
Please ignore the cries that slip from my lips
I always say that im fine but really I'm fighting a war inside my mind.
Not Just with myself
But with my friends
My past
       Oh those midnight cries.
"Your over reacting" they start to say
       "People go through worse, your just having a bad day."
How much do i have to try and say its constant?
That I'm not happy just existing.
     And even then i sometimes wish life wasnt a real thing.
               You all built me up
                You all made me happy
               But when it got hard
               They left and my world
Went.    C.    
                    R.    
                            A.  
                                   S.            
                                           H.
                                                  I.
                                                         N.
                                                                 G
Down.
They complain how you never ask for help
But not when your help decides not to help
           Is it too much to ask you to save me?
          Not from people but my brain, its the enemy.
       Please
            Help me
                  Before its
                         Too late
I dont know how much i can cope
With all the false hope
Hanging on to the rope
Sometimes its easier to just let go
My brain is starting to crack me
And when i let go i know no one will catch me
No, they'd rather sit back or stand
Than get depressed teenage blood on their hands.
   My fingers are slipping
     Dont know how much longer I'll last
Just waking up is even a task
I want to sleep
A deep sleep.
Never wake up. Lots of dreams
Im stuck in the grey, and its not what they say.
Help me escape.
Its almost too late.

You say do better
But in doing my best
You say try harder
Dont you see im in distress
Im drowning in my thoughts
I cant catch my breath
Your making it seem like my lifes a quiz
And im not passing the test

They say no one needs to be perfect
To follow your heart
Be true to yourself
And be dear
They forget to mention
The voices that whisper in your ear
The voices
That keep feeding your fear
You try and do something right
Its either goes well or ends with a fight
I struggle with myself.
Just me and I
I hold in my emotions
They say its not okay to cry.
"Smile, be active and laugh"
"Whats wrong with you? What's concepts do you not grasp?
Some answers are bipolar, some are just plain.
"Great job, im proud"
"Again, you let me down"
Its hard to let yourself be you, when being you usually ends in a frown.
"Dont mess up, keep up the act"
"Its okay, i have your back".
I never know whats right anymore.
Im told to be perfect.
Im told to be plastic.
Im told to be myself.
Im told to be free.
What do you want from me?
Arent i just enough?
Am i perfect yet?
Or do i still need to be buffed?

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.