Ashamed to look in the mirror, so instead I dress myself up to alter the reflections.
Fake nails to distract people from the things these criminal hands have done. I put make-up on to hide the imperfections that cover my face. The words of all the wrong I’ve done.
Eyelashes, to take away the pain that my eyes holds. Brand names on my back to cover up the scars and cuts that can’t be taken away. My emotions are my own, they use to be easy to tuck away but now it’s so full sometimes it’s hard to contain.
I find myself crying because I can’t feel anything else. No pain, no disappointment, not even numbness just an empty shell. I scream because I can’t put together a complete sentence. When my head is full, and my heart holds an elephant, and my mouth becomes glued all I can do is write. As my thoughts flow from my brain down to my fingertips I become empowered even if I’m muted for a while.
At the end of the day, dress up is over and I wipe away the makeup, take away the eyelashes and take off my clothes and I stare at myself in the mirror. I look at my dis proportioned, scared and unappealing body. It looks so different but,
No matter how hard I try to cover the **** that’s made me this way I will always be me at the end of the day. Tomorrow is always another day, to either accept who I am; the good and the bad or hide behind the mask or shall I say a painted on face.
Decisions, Decisions!