Those waking hours when I cant fall asleep
its because if i do
im afriad you'll plague my dreams with your beauty
or that I'll awake in yours and poison it with my weakness



For you

Have you ever?
Have you ever tried to fly?
Above the clouds so high
Over the treetops and clear into the sky
soaring and living your life
so wild and free
free as a bird
yea ive tried to be
so free yet so frail
yet they've got what it takes to go forth and sail
so high an liberated from things that normally would
bar me d
                 o
                     w
                          n   to the
ground bones as lead filled
with the acidic anxiety that i let
plague and beguile me
these magnificent creatures are smarter than we
they're so hollow so happy so in jeopardy
of something to break them apart
to plummet back
down
to me
but they're still up there
looming over me
watching
my
catastrophe

Here there up and around
thinking this and
that
there goes the ground
I'm thinking I'm flying
but here I can't even walk
here the inane is normal
and the normal is not

Oh where to go that you you will not follow
Another city? Another place?
Another home till tomorrow?
Your like diseased gum thats glued to my shin
A fish hook that just won't come out of my thumb
As a sin I just can't repent of...as snow white matted with crimson
After all the time I hid the door from you
You kicked it down and waltzed right through
I left you once back then
but you can't let me go
now can you?

Walking down the moonlit isle
skip on the sidewalk and
breath in the air so ecstatic
and fresh and full of wonder and bliss
walk down the middle of the road
the nighttime
that the sky serenades with its starry-eyed kiss
so free
the wild time
I'm me
well...
only until morning comes
and and hits me with its pickup

Some still say "how could you possibly?..."
Which is why I still turn and walk away
I deal with the devil that pays rather then that one that does not
Why could I possibly?...
Well...
That's a coffin for another day
So for now I'll click my heels and walk, astray

My dead march peacefully and silently so
Knowing and frothing their one place to go
But I care no more no less
I'm the one they send to clean up this mess

We dance we frolic,
spinning and twirling round and round
but now only in my dreams
we laugh we cry
both and neither made no sound
but now only on memory
we traveled and stayed together alone
visited all the far off places and made love at home
but now we cant breach the front door together
we talked the night away and fell asleep
in each others arms
but now our bones have wasted away
we love each other and live on this
but now only me
(please come back)
but I know you cant
So wait my love, please...
Im trying my best,
to catch up

It would be nice to know
That when you see my face
it gives you just as much hell
As yours gives me...

i can't think what to write
i want things to make sense
and get no sense at all
the words won't make sense
they're just jumbled
on the page
you understand writeght?

The serpents of song
serenade me awake
and back down to hell
where your arms
they await

To embrace me once more...

I don't write for you
not at all
so don't get all high and mighty on me
i write for myself and those special few
if your thinking like this
then
well
Its definitely not you

I was once asked what would I do
If I had to make a choice,
Between that which was best for you
And that which would make you happy

Which would I choose?
You asked me Intently
Well now that I've made my choice
Please let it be the right one

Those moment never should I miss
Lost in your gaze
and drowned in your kiss
Those seconds lost now missed
You left me here
How could you?...
How could you do this to me?
All these things I did to see you smile,
Yet you came by and let me fall all the while
You made away and behind my back you
stabbed me through...
I may not have smiled then, but as I fell
I saw your face and smiled like hell
but then again who wouldn't,
your the one who pushed me

"Smile!"
Click goes the little light box
As it steals away another memory
So let's connect the dots we have
And maybe it will map out our future
And maybe it'll be the way we want to go

Are you the one remembering
Or the one being remembered?

Taken broken sewn back together,
Ripped and torn and burned out forever,
My heart is mulched by your sharp tongue,
My eyes bleed from your distance,
I humbly stoop to pick up the pieces of my old shattered heart,
I hold them close so that they don't come apart,
I try to piece together this hole in my chest,
Yet all i'm really doing is waiting, for death...

Somebody grew up,
Nobody knows this but,
Mystery played them both,
Somebody was taken, broken, lost,
Nobody cared enough to find them, fix them, and free them,
Mystery took its toll as somebody
was ever greater lost to nobody,
Mystery was a hidden hand trying to reach out to
somebody,
Somebody lost to mystery grew up with nobody,
Nobody knows this, but...

Do many **** thoughts
Like digging for something lost in the confusion
but having to sift through the debris
Grain by grain
Speck by speck
One
at
a
Time

Wilting and blooming and starting all over
Just as the flowers in spring
Winter comes soon and leaves all too slow
Just as the flowers in spring
Lovers come and pick them free
Slow to grow back and quick to die
Ease.
They come and they go
They stop and they show
Everything that I need
To help myself grow

Dear whoever,
   I hope your getting this...

I'm gonna try and live every day with this in mind. " I am here to do something great. I am here to do something of change for others. I will Live every day knowing that my goal isn't to live forever. But to leave behind something that will. Live every day as me best and last. So if I was to drop dead right now. I would be able to look back on my life, and be proud. To have others look back on my life and see hope. Inspiration. Wisdom. Truth. Peace. That they learn from the mistakes I made so they don't have to make the same ones to learn that lesson. I want to live. Die and be remembered and learned from long after im gone. I want my kids and grandkids to be proud to say. "That's my dad!" Or "Yep! That's my grandpa!" If I was to die tonight. I would want to die and be remembered by those I love and those who I'll never know. I want to die remembered."

Who am I?
Where have I been?
Look to the past then side to side,
The voices in my head seem to remind,
Me of a place once found now lost,
I found it,
Didn't like it,
Wished to hell I could forget it,
Cuz this man I used to be
isn't the one thats set out for me
This one isn't right,
So with all my might I
take my face to the grinder and
Remove him.
I can start fresh from the remains...

The pendulum swings
back                          forth
                  and
forth                          back
                  and
I cant change it, nor can you,
So take a step back,
This life is all, not just you and I,
This place is more than just one mans crime,
Its everything, everyone and
Without me,
It'll still swing, just, fine...

Well I see you've found another
You turned you back
And sent me away
As you chose to move on with them
Nice choice.
I might go make the same.

Have you ever thought about those who dont say anything at all?
Those who are so good at blending we walk past them in the hall?
Of course not, we never do

But..
Have you ever thought why?

Writing is my escape
I write to disarm the contentious feelings I have
Because Nobody understands me
I know I lack empathy
I know because I cut it out of me
I function better without it
Smiling is my defence
It's my protection from people
It's my recompense
If they think your fine they leave you alone
They assume your fine that you'll make it home
Act dangerous people ignore you
Act homicidal they completely avoid you
I prefer the latter
Saves me the trouble of an emotional splatter (that feeds
my demons)
Less people less problems
I feel the haze that prevents me from finding who I am
It's clearing and I'm scared of what I see...

I missed you once
And I miss you now
But it's fading away
As the stars at dawn
I saw you off that day right there
I longed for your return
I wished for you to stay (away)
You cut me deep
With your lips so soft
Your touch as acid
I'm glad your gone
I've woken up from your lovely stupor
Your gaze
Your kiss
That withdrawal
This bliss

I'm trying to write
again and again
Trying and feeling
I grab my pen and
draw my lifeblood as ink
From my heart and wrists
as I brand the page with what im feeling,
So strong so raw,
So bare so queer,
But hey,
Better there then here
(in me...

And I need something to make me speak.
Make me think. Make me write.
All I can do in this state is hold the secrets of the universe
at my fingertips
useless and without purpose
until I give them one...

Yet as soon as I say that,
and my thoughts brush paper
My mind goes from its beautiful confusion
Sea of tangles and knots that all make cents
to the taught strings of my droll
Normal
Thoughts
that BoRe me with its understandable simplicity

Truth is trust
Yet, truth is lies
And lies are what this world feeds off of,
We sit here idly and lie to ourselves,
There's nothings else we can do
to help all those who suffer,
Beneath our feet..

Have you ever taken a look
Right over your shoulder
at things left behind
No?
Then look and see what builds you
see what kills you
see how you got here now
now turn back look forward
and forget it
Cuz that stuff is already past
leave it there to die
Better there than in your future