I’m so tired of loving people
Who don’t love me back

Remember when we used to keep waving at each other  until we were out of sight
When I used to bike across the city to see you
Laughed until we cried
Drank until we danced
These memories fill me
And Gush out
Late night car rides  
lonely train rides
dark bike rides
My mind riddled with your face
The peachy sunsets
And glittering stars are there to comfort me
The burning sun in the deep blue sky push me
The cotton candy clouds engulf me
“It’s just me now”
My eyes filled with tears now
the music soothes me to sleep
You’re so far now
And it’s because of me
I’m sorry
So sorry
Some times I just really want you back….

You drive me crazy
Memories of us
Keep me up
But I let my guard down again
And I’m the one who’s left hurt
You’ll always be my friend, I love you so much
But I must let go of my infatuation for you

The grey clouds cover the city
The streets seem empty
Yellow leaves have fallen in mid September
You drove away
In midst it all  
With a smile and wave
I’ll miss you

I’ll write this
Yeah I’m drunk
But I feel good
I think you
But I don’t miss you
I hope your good
As our paths distance
Goodbye

Fall in early September
My legs are getting tired
My bike ,rusted from the cold wind
The sky cries and the trees leaves die
Fall in early September
This feeling I remember
It’s been a while
And maybe soon you’ll be gone
But at least the memories of you are warm

..not about you
Happiness doesn’t  lay within you’re successes
The love of someone might tickle your heart
The money might make your mind calm
The house might make you feel secure
The clothes and vehicles might make u feel confident
But happiness does not lay within in any of these things , in any material thing or  person

Happiness lays within you already
We’re just blinded on what happiness is
Happiness is in what you give to others
Love , help , time , laughter , a lending hand , a lending ear .
And it’s within the power of you pushing yourself everyday, exceeding your limit to grow and love.

You’re anxiety’s and sadness will consume you And the darkness in the tunnel will frighten you. Happiness won’t always be there in-spite of all these things. And the end of the tunnel not in sight

But you will find the fire
a smallest ray of sun through a crack
A small light
That will guide you

Days are dull
Grey skies and weeping clouds
The sun peaks through and says hello
And blue skies leaves you wanting more
Days are dull
Even when the sun blasts through and burns all the clouds in the sky
And you go home a different shade at night

This city , this open space ..
feels lonely without You
These morning and nights with empty beds and unspoken words ,leave me wondering
About you
Wanting you
You are far away In distance
But your galaxies away in spirit
When you talk to me
Your words fall like cement blocks on the floor
And pierce my chest and mind like knives

I sense it
My fear has finally settled in
You longer want me
You no longer have the need to talk to me
Oh how it breaks my souls
Oh how I want to cry on your shoulder and in your arms
But alas , that is no longer an option
I must comfort myself now
For you are just a mark
On the map of my past

You say “only you”
You say...

But i knows that’s *******

the darkness leaks inside me
the reflection in the mirror, car windows,water
is a man who seems like a past acquaintance
the body my souls lies in seems strange

my mind is crushing in on itself
or maybe theres a hole there
empty
confused
these feelings tower over me like the devil
ready to take control of me once im fully weakened

her eyes are soulless when she looks at me
Her kisses hit me like a single snow flake
Her touch feels faint
her words...no emotion

Here I am
Reaping what I sowed
Dealing with the **** I myself made

My sanity clings on a tiny thread


I love her...
But I Despise myself

I wake up once the morning
And I slowly open the curtain to peek outside
Blue sky shines through and the green trees strengthen all the colours
The world is alive
And the heat has already spread inside of everyone's houses

On days like these
I want to have an adventure
Or work hard in the sun
I hate being in my house and do nothing or go to work and trapped inside all day
On a cloudy and rainy day
I do not mind
But the horizon on a sunny day calls me
The clouds lift me
The  trees and the grass wants to drown me

I used to never feel like this
Rain or shine is didn't make matter
I could stay in or go out and not matter what the weather is
But now
I desire an adventure

Cleanse me
Reach into my brain
My mind
And cleanse me
Bring me back to my normal self
Give me my confidence
Take away these thoughts
I am not this
I
Am
Not
These
Thoughts

You know
I never really got it
Stress, anxiety and all those things
I thought they were mild feelings
And a good sleep could cure it all
Until it happened to me
It's true what they say
"Don't know what you got till its gone"
But to me it was my confidence
My sanity
My cool and calmness
All of a sudden it was hard to just relax
Hard to work
Hard to be loving to my girlfriend
To sleep
To wake up
To enjoy the burning sun
the warmness on your skin
Music
Biking
Eating
Good thoughts
Days felt weird not normal
being myself felt...difficult
All I wanted to do is stay locked up at home , in my dark room  
..
....
.....
I can say I get better everyday
At least I hope

You know
I never really got it
Thought it could be cured with a good shower


Now I just feel happy when I get an hour that I feel like myself again

The two paths
Lay there peacefully
Quietly teasing you
Taunting you...
Your decision  couldnt affect them
In any way...

The two paths
Lay there
Stretching as far as the eye can see
With nothing in view


The two paths
Lay there as two paths
Not knowing
Never knowing
How they taunt me night and day

In sleep you find comfort
In your crafts you find inspiration
In your pets you find love
But in the people you love
And who love you back
You find criticism
Short tempered
And anoyyed
In the presence of a Stranger
God forbids you speak up
You would take the word of a stranger that would comment about your appearence
But from the ones who love you a chuckle of disbelief escapes your breath
My love yes
I do wonder of our
F
U
T
U
R
E

It's been
Aproximetly
1320 days
Since that day
You became my clementine
And I became your valentine

A dream we both hold
Lays in the midst
And sometimes it's hard to even see it within our grasp
But late at night
When we are together
And  I turn my head to look at you
And when I look at you
Your eyes are closed
And your billions of worlds away
And when a soft breath
Escapes
Your soft lips
I know you are the one for me


But sometimes you are asleep
When you are awake
I cannot blame you
It must be hard being stuck in your own head...more then most

You know your my hearts beat

Love , my darling

But....




Is it that hard to say





"How you doing?"

Heads heavy
Eyes lids hanging
Dragging limbs
Messy hair
No light comes through the windows
Only the pink pink sky
The world looks asleep
So why should I be up ?

In my slightly lit room

You'll find me sleeping under the covers

And outside you'll find
A wintry land

But in my head
You'll find something different
A hope
A glimmer

Maybe this whole thing
Can turn around

deep sleeps
Slumber...
Drown me into
An infinite hibernation

Bored in class
Smoked half my pack
I keep getting up for a snack
The days hot
I got a cold , nose full of snot
All I wanna do is bike
Nah man **** a hike
Give me a joint
Then I'll tell u my point

When we first met
I thought u were Strange
Weird...
But you ended up being my best Friend
Once I knew you more
You were ...hilarious...knowledgable
My brother....

Time goes on and we change
I found a girl who touched my heart
You continued to be the "Lone Ranger"
Too man to cry
Too "man" to even be your own self

Adventures we had
The laughs that left us breathless
Are now just memories
We barely see eachother
We barely talk
We said we would be best friends...brothers
But now I'm not sure

We're on two separate paths
That...it's too late to make u walk back to come on my side
I hope one day u can cut through

I love you
Even if I dont talk to you
I miss you ..my brother
I hope one day we can somewhat
Expirience
The old days

i dont wanna waste my time
become another casualty
in society
ill never fall in line
become another victim of your conformity
and break down

Laying in bed
And the sweat on my back
Is uncomfortable
I'm to Tired to move
The sun,that beat me down all day
Finally can't reach me
My legs are jelly
But I love it
So exhausted
But the feeling of speed
Is  ecstasy

Grey clouds
Peering over the city
The sun in the back trying to be known
Trees frantically thrashing against eachother
the wind ,pushes  us back
But the sun
Shines on your face and warms your forehead
Then it goes away

The days have gone by fast
City living ,people around you
Always in a rush somewhere

Makes you go fast
Makes you think fast
Fast,quick ,be there soon
Give me 5 minutes
Give me a sec
I gotta go

In nature is where I want to be
Surrounded by trees and sky
Mountains and animals
A little house
In the middle of it all

Goodbye city
Goodbye
Fast living

Summer's dripping slowly in
Covering the city with a thin layer of green
The blue sky letting the sun make your skin sweat

I wake up
Mind cluttered
Face stubbly
Kinda hungover ? Or am I ****** ?

Get up ,get dressed ,wash up ,eat
And I'm off
Both feet glued to my pedals
Mind focused
Mind cleared

I'll bike away

sad,how poetry slips slowly out of my life
ill try to grip on
no other thing like it

lazy
friends
girlfriend
biking
school

i guess im just busy

but how i miss writing poetry everyday

being able to say,decribe and even picture  
how i feel which i thought was impossible

In my big bed
Darkness all around me
Everything is quiet
Except for my head

Days are faster
19...just around the corner
First day of high school
Feels so long ago
Also...  like it was yesterday

Time is slipping by me
By the milesecond
And here I am awake from too much thinking
I miss the old days

I miss the old days

But here I am
Growing older

I'll miss these days too

Some day

smoking ciggies now
Stress takes over , I don't quit
...the blue sky's look nice....

"Get up, get up
Walking!
Sleeping..no
Keep on moving
Slowly
Good morning and good sunshine"

Midicronia/San Francisco

"roll up your sleeves were headed for winter i know...
and nights will get colder
and ill make my bed, make sure i'm all fed and asleep...
wake when were older"

~we were promised jetpacks/roll up your sleeves

so much snow its reaching inside my body
filling up my lungs and brain
**** its cold
everybody shivers off  the cold wind off there shoulders
as they walk into the station
**** its so cold
i kinda wish i was winter myself so id be used to this
but i still manage to get out of bed into the cold streets
everyday
everyday i get older
and everyday its gets colder
worse and worse
the only moment when age, time and the coldness of the city doesnt matter
is when im with you

******
I wake up
My room pitch black
The sun of the outside world
Creeps ever slightly from the stairs
I want you to turn around
Be there in my bed and grab my face
Kiss me
The rhythm won't stop
Lost
Lost

I wake up
There I am
In the middle of this darkness

Who's...
Body am I in?

" I ain't happy , I'm feeling glad i got sunshine, in a bag, I'm useless but not for the long , the future is coming on"

~gorillaz/Clint Eastwood

Trying to keep calm

Trying to go with the flow

****, is it ever harder then I thought

Trying to be bold

Trying to take things slow

Wow, why is this so hard

Trying  not to scold

Trying so hard not to blow

Are my veins about to pop?

To be honest
I wanna break free
Leave this city
Leave society
Bike far
Find my place
Live
Cleanse my brain with nature
I don't need these detailed problems
I don't  want these detailed resolves

I'm falling asleep again after an argument
I just wanna break everything
Bash my skull

I'll wake up refreshed

Sadly I'll have to deal with all this again

Biking is my only Medecine for me
Fast through the cold wind
I can't even feel my fingers about to fall off
When I bike I'm in the present
There's no past there's no future
Just keep on biking
Go fast
Gliding with the wind

I just wanna bike away

It's been a year and 8 months
I see you everyday
You're my best friend
But the love of my life
First a stranger
Who I couldn't take my eyes off...
I caught you looking in my eyes.
I'll never forget that day

But, I feel like I've never met you
Like You were  there my whole life
Like my family
A part of me

My beautiful girl
Who has me wrapped around her finger
I live  to keep that smile on your face
Live to feel your touch
Everyday
...

2am
My eyes can't stay shut
My thoughts hectic
All I think about Is you

I don't know why but..
I feel uneasy when I think of you
Unsettled , troubled
Something's different

My soul crys
As if I lost you
Why?
You're still mine

Ugh
On nights like this at 2am
Thoughts of you circle my head
I love you and I'm afraid of losing you

I just wish we felt stronger

I remember I could use to feel the sun and earth flowing in my body

The morning rise
Would excite me
And the orange evening sky's
Would put me to sleep

I would feel laughter
And joy
But these days
It's like im stuck in a rut
Everything feels the same

engulf me into your skin

swallow me

together we will strive for a different life

drown me in your hopes

maybe all is not lost for me...

rage in my head
my eyes go blind
my heart goes black
everyone seems peaceful
buts whats in their heart
to disappear or not
thats the question
to live in the woods
and find that light in my veins
youre eyes pierce through me
but your voice cuts me deep
everyone should feel this
but not everyone should feel this...
peace in my finger tips
this love grows strong
my heart grows big
whats in her heart i wanna know
but whats in this universe
i wanna die

Bike away

Bike today

Goodbye

Another night

To bed to bed

I love my bed and my sleep

Forget what I've done

At least for a bit

These days
I don't feel normal
Unless I'm dancing
And my brain feels
Like it'll explode
From all this sound
That makes me wanna dance
And forget

These



Days


Don't feel normal
Unless I'm making love to you
And my heart falling out of chest

Stop

What your thinking


You  are wrong


Stop

Feeling heart broken

'Cause you're mistaken

My bed is cold
My skin crawls
Goosebumps
On my heart
I run into bed
For warmth, but your arms aren't there
I tangle myself in my blanket
But it's not the same without your legs
And body , closing me in

The morning
Unknown day
Unknown feeling

Sad that your not here
I think I'll indulge myself
In a fantasy world

She has the most rarest eyes

Bluer then blue
Whiter then white

Intense
But calming

She is the most rarest girl

Loving me
Being patient with me

Just bearing with me

****
I love you

Deep inside
I hate myself

I love you
Thank you

Beers and whiskey

New friends

A new feeling

A view

A new feeling

In my bed
Drunk
******
My problems seem to fade
Like my stress
Once I take that hit to the lungs
  I take that shot or two

Once I think of her bare skin on mine
Her lips  on mine
Smiling so heavily
Breathing so heavily  
Inside of her

Yeah life's not to bad
Listening  to music
And thinking of the way she sees you
When she opens that door

I could stare st myself
Endlessly
Never knowing who I am

This body
This mind

uncontrolable

Like the sea

Who am I
Who am I

Endless thoughts
Like the aquatic sea

See my smiles

Don't reach your heart

My touch

Slipping out of your hand

Falling in love again
With you  

I'd relive it everyday