Falling deep into sleep
Your body  floating in the middle  of your own mind

The night seems long
But not long enough

The darkness only lasts a bit
The quiet comes to the end  

And you're back to where you were

Night
Making us sleep forever
Like death
The problems we create disappear for a second

Grey Sky's
White earth
Cold but comforted
Sleepy feeling but the world is my own bed

Everyday i look forward
To talk endlessly about same old stuff
But I mostly just wait for a response now

Warm but  unnaturally too warm
My bed clean
My floors and counters...messy
I flop onto my bed
Half drunk half ******
The darkness fill my eyes
And for a second
I feel like falling in darkness wouldn't be too bad

****

This shouldn't matter !

Gone to bed with an empty feeling

**** I don't know

I should get more ******

Gone to bed ...feeling like I haven't said a word to you all day
Under my covers
The best feeling I've felt all day

****,everything else shouldn't matter

Make my thoughts of anxiousness stop repeating
I need rest
Training ways to to be in bliss
Forgive everyone
Forgive myself.
I've been changing for the better

For you
I'd change
For you
I'll build you and us
Up

"I love her"
Those words stick to me
Stiched in
Keeping me warm in the winter
The snow falls from morning to the next
Cold bitter days
Everyone hiding
But.....
....warmth breaks in
Thoughts of her waiting for me to arrive
Suddenly seeing me arrive her face blooms!
So happy
I love that

So please
Stop my thoughts of anxiousness
For when I have her
I am happy

"No I'm not "
She says
Sadly and disappointed with herself
"But you are!"
I say
Confidently that her beauty kills me slowly everyday

You can point out your flaws
But I see beauty and perfection
I've said it already too much
That the words don't even mean anything
If seeing is believing
I would do anything
To show you my love
That you're beautiful!!!
Even if  you have flaws
So do I!
Our imperfections make us perfect

You are
You are you are

I wish there was an action
To show you my love
That you are
Beautiful

My chest caving in
But in a good way

My stomach turns
But in a good way

Zoning out
Spacing out
The thought of her
Lingers at   the back of my head
Her eyes piercing me
With her dashing smile

Her smile
Her smile
Her.....
Smile.....

....oh!
I forgot I'm sitting on top
Of a cloud
The world that's all around us
Is so vast
But the outside world is so much bigger
A jungle of darkness
We are a spec of dust
Why must we make
Everything complicated

.....
Sleeping in my bed
No way I know how I got here....

We're all friends

Thought we don't always see eachother

The five of us
Are similar

Yet so different

Who knows we're all of us will be

But I love them

I don't need 1OO  friends

I like just having the 4 of them

I have always hated the thought
Of living forever

As I grow older
I see how how much
I do wanna live forever
With my mother and  my sister
My father and most of all of my baby girl

I talk to my family that lives far from I
And it saddens that some of them are closer to death

Death how horrible

Wouldn't it be better if we could decide when to die

God or not ?
Why have I found myself
Questioning my own beliefs

You're not sick
You're heathly
The things we do normally could become a struggle
Like swallowing
When we feel good
We forget  how deadly sick we can get

The art of feeling good
Is quite the thing
What I would do to feel good

How long can we do this


Make eachother sad

Make eachother hate each other

I don't know if I can do this

No....ill try

A bit more

I just  don't know what I feel

I do not love you any less

It is my stupid selfish desires


I love you forever

You'll be mine forever

Change
It can be fine
Scary,fun
It can make  you  sad
It can make u happier
But change
Is always coming
That's scary...
But I wish some things stayed the same
I wish some memories would last forever ...
The  complex   way of life we live
Makes me cry when I'm drunk
I wish we lived more simple
More natural
But we all think to much
We all care to much
We want...to much

Sometimes I'm glad I'll  die someday
I won't need to expirience the death of the world ...I hope
But I'll  miss the beauty of life
Yeah
I'm pretry sure I will

I can't take it

I can't take it

I can't take it

I can't take it

the feeling inside my chest


Bursting into my brain

"  I miss you"

I wanna play with your hair

Waiting for your reply

Waiting all morning

The clouds pass
The sun sinks

Waiting all afternoon

My bed holds me up

Sleep is my favourite hobby
No one knew that I would be this way
Not even I knew I'd be here now
The days are shorter and so are
My years
The past is looking better
The future seems twisted
But I know after it'll be a nice ride
Sleeping like I'm on a tide
All I wanna ******* do is glide
Far off  onto the other side

Sleeping is my favourite hobby
Spread out on my bed
And deep in my dreams
Is where I wanna stay
If I wake up one more time I think I'll cry
Don't get me wrong I don't wanna die
But the state of sleep
Is something I wanna dig my myself in deep

These nights
Seem odd
Relaxing but out of place
Maybe I am out of place
I came to the conclusion
I think about the future and past too Much
I have forgotten the art of
Enjoying the day
How?
Slipped right out of my  fingers
Perphaps it's my fault
I may have had "fun"
But I fell behind a bit
Now I'm catching up

******* why does society
Make me have to speed of my life up

Why can't I just live off the land
Enjoy the companie  of nature
And the sky

For the remainder of my life

How sad

Who was I

Who  am I

The answer still resides
And the moments into past
Still linger

I hate going back
My mind is weird


I wonder what the future holds

I'm sorry
Forgive me for me
I don't know what I think

I don't know what I want

Today feel very different then it did last year

But life's like that
It's an unexplainable feeling
Until it's a memory

A second
A minute
An hour
A day
A month
A year....
Your life can be different
Can change in a matter of minutes
Or in a matter of years
I drive my life slowly
Unknowingly
Where I'll end
Cause at any moment
I may not be here

I just wanna be alone

For at least a second

Away
From EVERYONE
Just be in the solitude

Comforted with my thoughts

capital A for Arguements

Capital BS for *******

They always go and end in the same way

You think I want you
Dead
You think I think your dumb
That I hate you.

I'm just little ******* tired
With a capital T
With all these
"Why would you "
"How could you "
"I can't believe you"

I'm just a little human
You know

And because of that reason

I MAKE MISTAKES

these days I don't even know when I'll step on a bomb

Maybe I should just blow up

Joy in the future

The struggles
Are yet to come

The hardest parts
Are yet to hit

But..
There's joy in the future

In your arms
Or in my own

I   Am excited

It's not that I want
It's that I can't
I don't know who you are
Nether do I know myself
I feel a gap in my brain
A gap in knowledge
Sitting in dark class
Is everyone alone
Or everyone together
Alone
All of us
Even with companys
We're alone
Stuck in the world we have created

The world still turns
Like it always has

Like it always will

But it doesn't feel the same

This world
Our world

What do we do

What have I done

What will I do

This world
My world

I am confused

The world is hot


Too hot in the cold places
Everything melts

Too hot in class my brain melts

I wanna  be high

Walking in the winter

Or windy day in fall

TO **** HOT

The world seems better in the air and the clouds

Rather then here on the ground


If I can't fly

At least let me glide

Free

The wind

The speed

High
Music

It's like I belong in fall forever


I feel odd

Not to be bike

I know your mind is tired

Stressed out
Worn out

I know your heart is weak
But so strong
The things you have experienced
I wish you weren't alone in those times

Shaky
But you still manage to smile so beautifully

I know you were meant to find me

And I was meant to make you, your heart , your brain...smile

I am your dopamine

Staring at me cause I smoke

Letting the smoke escape my mouth and nose  

I look at you

And  I throw my cigarette down then spit

" I don't care "

It's starting to feel comfortable
Passible
Starting to feel  a little less..."weird"
With My surroundings
I still feel disconnection
From something
From somewhere
Something picking at my brain
I need to mold  myself still

But it's starting to feel comfortable
Tolerable

But I still feel a disconnection.

From someone

Stuffy nose
Stuffy head
Feel like my mind is breaking down
My lungs are pushing out this phlegm
Maybe I should quit  ciggies
But the ciggies won't quit me

Staying high makes me feel better

But the stuffy nose
And constent blowing of it
Makes me lose my breath
And it won't stop

I love to bike
I love to be outside

Congested feeling

Oppressed feeling

Her eyes I love
Her smile I adore
Her golden fire hair burns me inside
Her look , twisting
Her smile , melting
Her touch that makes me freeze

Get me get me
Into a trance
I'll follow u anywhere

My love

Even if the city is filled with smoke

Because of the fires


Even if the smokes feel my lungs and brains and make me feel dizzy

I still smoke cigarettes
And smoke ****

.....my brain feels...

Kinda....light.

In the rush of childhood
I think we are all selfish
And just want everything now
And we don't appreciate small things as much

I feel as so
With everyone in my life
I don't care as much as I should care
I feel like I put on a show
.....

I wanna feel  every emotion
Love everyone like should love
Grasp my childhood and slow it down

I only live one **** time

You control me
I control you
Both restrained
Vulnerable to the love
We have
For each other's body

Mother father
I didn't mean to falter
In your eyes I didn't become so
With my mind
Drew another path
Hated and saw it was filled with rot
Of course you would , from your perspective
But I do not apologize for my life style
I do ask for forgiveness I did not mean
To hurt you so, but If I was not so selfish...

Lover, sister
I hurt you Two
With these decisions I make
I no longer seem to do what's good

Friends
I know u have good  hearts
Good mind
A great personality
A Second  family
I'll see you as that
Even though you " seem" to be
" bad influence "

Two sides
Different WANTS
You want that
You need this
I am stuck In the middle
Desperate to keep both happy
I know it's impossible
But why does it have to be
Can't it be pure simplicity?

My lover
If I do not see you
For these next days
....please do not ignore me
And fill yourself with sadness
IN the end
I'm here to cry with you

rainy days are peaceful inside your house
in your bed
sleeping

but rainy days are always adventure of the unknown
once you step outside

i dont know if i hate the whole world

or the whole world hates me

But to bad that I didn't know

I am very sorry

Trust me
My love

If I knew that I would have ended up with you

I would have done eveything different

Everything...

And you wouldnt be so hurt

Trust me my dear love

If I KNEW I was gonna have you
Hold you
Kiss you
Love you

I...
Wouldn't feel so guilty

You're beautiful

But this world is ugly

Oh you just...

Make everything better baby

Days in the summer


Dazed in the summer


My minds a bit tired
" I'll take a break "

Seems to never happen


Hidden away in my room
In the dark

I don't like light


Only you

I want to believe
Not know the world is round

I stopped smoking ****

At least for a while

My head feels clearer

My motivation slowly comes back

I slowly feel joy in the simpler things

Sometimes it's good not to be high all the time

But sometimes it's great to be high all the time

I have this beauty in my hand
With the softest heart

And I got mad at her ...

I should never do that to her

I'm sorry I don't show u enough love

I hate mySelf

its been so cold
lately, our skin get goosebumps
we hide under your covers
and hug it out till the summer
theres something telling me " you're  the one"
i still can't believe I'm the one
who gets to hold you,kiss you
run my hand through your black hair
and stare deep into your eyes

and i can't take it!
my love, you make me crazy
with the way  you smile
and stare
darling we've  said so many times
but i can say it forever more

its been 6 months
6 months more
and itll be like its been a dream
water like time
draining out months
i dont remember everything
but i do remember  you
thus i know it had to be good
oh i dont remember eveything
-im sorry-
but i know it felt good
right from the very sounds that poured from your mouth
and the way your eyes rolled back
and shutting them tight

we've said it 1000 times
and we'll always say it one more time

even though youre mad
ill make u smile
even though youre sad
ill make you laugh
even if youre happy
ill make you ecstatic


-im sorry-

im so ******

i know!

Wake up
And dress up
Put on your best smile

Now you're sweating
Tired and all

Evening has come
And day has gone

**** this
I wanna be with her
Every second

Not doing this