Why are the nights so long?
Memories on repeat until,
Silence screams and time stands still.
All these wounds I still can’t name,
But each one burns me just the same.

I trace the edge where shadows blur,
Where painful thoughts begin to stir.
The wish for it all to end, release.
A final breath,
A kind of peace.

But, for my child -
The world I’d leave,
The heart I’d break,
The cause to grieve.

But, for my wife -
Who sees the war behind my eyes,
The fear I dress in calm disguise.
I want to go where hurt might cease,
To trade this storm for quiet peace.
But I can’t give to you what I now feel,
This grief that time may never heal.

I don’t feel strong, I never do.
But still I wake and walk with you.

Not for me, but for the two -
Whose hearts would break if mine fell through.
Because I love them more than pain,
That must be enough. To try again.

I must be the stillness in the storm,
The light left on, the blanket warm,
The one they call when things go wrong.
To wear this mask of being strong.

The world breaks glass around my feet,
And I am handed every piece,
Sharp with blame, bloodied with pain,
Expected just to hold the strain.

They come with questions, urgent pleas.
I need to answer, but on my knees.
Of what to do, of where to turn
Whilst inside I break and burn.

My child looks at me with hopeful eyes, begging I can calm the skies. Bringing me their cries and why’s.
But whilst their world is falling down,
No one sees me start to drown.

I whisper strength I do not feel,
I learn to bend, but not to heal.
For I yearn too,
To be held,
Be heard,
Be asked what’s true –
Not just what I can do for you.

So ‘til then, I must rise once more.
Stand strong whilst waves crash on the shore.
So broken, tired but have to stay.
A lighthouse guiding through the grey.

I rise with the morning, but not from rest.
Just from the duty of dragging my breath into another day,
That asks too much of me already tired, from being too much.

I smile again, a practiced line.
I joke, worn like armour, to prove I’m fine.
Everything crashes around me
The world moving too fast,
My thoughts so dark surround me,
Cutting me like glass.

Small talk stings, Laughter jars.
How do you dance under such heavy stars?

Fear clings like mist to each simple task.
Shadowed weight, beneath the mask.
Love feels borrowed, spread so thin.
A spark that dies, before it begins.

There’s a rainbow there above this grey,
A whisper of colour, I’ll see one day.
They say storms end.
They say light comes.
But this storm repeats, relentless drums.

My healing waits on some far shore,
And I can’t swim anymore.

Still breathing, just.
Still trying, must.
But for how long?
I cannot trust.

I miss safety of the walls so white,
I miss some respite from the fight.
Now I’m out, the world resumes,
Its shouting halls,
Its crowded rooms,
Its duties piled like broken stone.
And I, a splintered soul alone.

They see a smile, a box now ticked
"You're better, right?" as if I’m fixed.
But healing hides in distant air,
A far-off place, I don’t know where.

The urges come like crashing tides,
The sharp relief the dark provides.
To see the pain. To make it real.
A twisted way to try and feel.

I crave to cry, release the flood.
Can’t hold this pain, without the blood.
They lean on me with open hands,
and I collapse like windblown sand.

Still, somewhere deep,
A flicker stays,
A hope too small to count in days.
I walk still trembling through this storm.
Still shattered,
Broken,
Fragile,
Worn.

You took my voice.
You took my joy.
You gave me a secret to bury deep with my shame.
You took my dignity, my self-esteem, my sense of worth,
‘til a rising storm of hatred birthed.

You gave me pain.
Hot and sticky, leaking slowly from me.
Another thing to hide.
You gave me fear,
Shaking, silent tears.

I have to get it out, this molten rage I borrow.
I have to cut it out, and watch it seep like sorrow,
A throbbing torture of disgust and repulsion.

I need to get deeper, maybe you’re there?
You have to get out, before I don’t care,
And that last thread is broken.

I can’t do it though can I?
That fierce, final rush.
Because I’m worth something to someone,
And that you can’t touch.

You took and you gave, you take and you give,
But you’ll never take my reason to live.

One day there will be more than just one,
If I can cling on.
One day at a time.
I am more than my body; my soul is still mine.

Beneath the sand, so still, so deep,
She stirred and shattered silent sleep.
A crack, a breath, a ***** of light,
The world so vast and full of night.
No voice to guide, no love to feel
But deep inside, the fire was real.

Her shell was soft, her legs were small,
But something fierce began to crawl.
With flippers firm, she braved the sand,
A single speck upon the land.
Predators with claws or beaks so wide,
Then a shell cut her inside.

She cried, but silence filled the air,
No-one to help, no-one to care.
She paused, in pain - sea far away.
“I haven’t the strength” you’d hear her say.

She bled, she limped, yet forward pressed,
A heartbeat hammered in her chest.
But on she moved, with trembling grace,
The shoreline offering embrace.

Waves teased her toes, then pulled away,
Healing can’t come in a day.
But inch by inch, the sea drew near,
Not all at once - but still, sincere.
And when it touched her broken shell
She knew “I am hurt, but will be well”.

You’ve walked through a storm and have somehow come here.
Scraped off the ground, probably full of fear.
Now you are here, please know you are found.
In the best place, for you, where care wraps around.

Whatever the path that brought you this way,
Know this is a place where you’re safe to stay.
With listening ears and gentle hands,
The staff will meet you where you stand.

In quiet rooms or tearful talks,
In art, in rest, in nature walks.
You'll gather strength you thought had gone.
It lives in you, it still burns on.

Be kind to yourself in every small part,
Your aching thoughts, your tender heart.
This time is yours, not wasted or wrong,
Just part of the journey that helps you grow strong.

So breathe, be brave, and take your time.
The hill is steep, but you will climb.
And when it feels too much to bear,
Know healing starts because you're there.