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Ayeshah Jan 2014
I'm not obligated to you,
I don't owe you anything, not no mo &
not when for years you've made sure to
exclude me and treat strangers
far better than you'd do me,
your impressed by your entourage
&

groupies
                    
                             but if they knew
                                              
                                                                             you like me maybe they'd see
                                                                      
                                                the ******* hiding underneath.

                                                                                  Just maybe huh...
Yo you talk a lot of ****

but what do you have to show after
spending on these little old *** man--looking women.

Blaming me,
when your caught out & stuck...

I swear son these
"Fee'males"  
make it hard for rest of us females,
take note girl and realize his money don't impress me.
I knew this motha ***** when he ain't have a dime
or any type of game,
your the only one in line
trying to be what I once was- his everything,
the chef,the lawyer,
his counselor, budget keeper,
clothes mending,
dish washing *** machine -house keeper,
his baby maker,
& forever attending to his every waking need,
his bread winner,
I'm the chick, the queen-bee,
girl the only one that ever held him down,
I'm the one whose made sure
he was clothe, feed & never broke
Yo you think I'm the joke?

Trick please,
just for your
assumptions & blatant disrespect,
I'll always be better than you!

                                                              These men are so funny

                                                                                      and these uneducated
                                      
                                   so called women too.


Who in there right mind
would assume they now my life
or that of the relationship I was in,
***** don't attempt to answer,
that was rhetorical
there ain't no way you can ever know
&
I don't give a **** what's been told you
specifically&especially; by
him.

Of course he'll lie to you that's the only thing he knows,
I'm laughing hard at you though cause
your stupid too, for believing his sorry excuse.

No good gold-digging man whom you've seen
me do everything for,
no need to listen to him when
the evidence been right in front of you,
but your cheap&looking; to score,
She thought to take from my children,
stupid *****,
I think not,
because everything he's got
it because of me.
I made and gave to him
except the man he pretends,
I can't claim the fake ******* he doing with you,
***** please
that's all him,
an adulterous
looking for you to give to him what I used to
and you keep looking to me for answers
well my advise to you- get back on your knees,
kiss my *** actually never mind
who knows what diseases
are on your lips.

My advise to him,
be careful who you play games with
and watch who you lay down with too,
I got a life which no longer involves you,
my kids will be fine,
so baby boy *******
**** yo own ****
cuz
from here on out I don't owe you a **** thing,
I don't forgive you
but I'll forgive myself
for trusting in ya word and the vows we had left...



I'll forgive me

                           for ever loving you,
            
                          for the pain I let you cause me
                                
                                     not to mention the pain

                                                           ­                      I let myself feel
                  
                                         ­           for falling for
      
                              the wrong ******* dude
.



                                  But

               ­                          from here on out
                    
                           I'm sailing my ship far the **** away
                            
      and taking my kids too,
                                    
             because after all your lies,
        
affairs& every kinds of abuse
                          
           I'm no longer
                          
  Obligated to You.


*Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
I write about my divorce&about; other relationship's plus all my abuse i went through from child hood to adult hood...and much more good, bad... whatever's on my mind and i share. enjoy cuz lol this was what was on my mind for a while. to my exes **** u & thanks for the lessons.
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Man,
there's a cold dark corner
in my room,
your voice calls
out when I'm curled up there
on the dank musty floor,
it speaks to me; I'm coming for you.
I hold to the
voiceful melody of your
softly
spoken sounds as you drown out
the drone of negativity
and the past men who lied
when they said
they'd always love me...
His'aholic.
As I lie on my bed
in the fetal position,
eyes closed
hoping
you'll walk in,  lift me onto your lap
cradled me in that protective way
only you're able to give me,
feel your fingers caress me.
Too many times I find
I walk in a stupor from the loving  you gave.
Gosh it feels so long ago
and my needs wrecking  my senses
once more can you do to me what you did last time,
just once more & I'll let it be.
I'm feigning...
My dystonia
is you- every time you come around
I get what I'll call
His'aholic,
uncontainable, uncontrollable
movements and twitches
twerking if need be, just to get
intoxicated one more time of off
you,
like the excitement a kleptomaniac gets
or the levels of high a shopaholic feels
my dopamine fired up every time
you do what you do to me
Him'aholic, His'aholic,
Your'aholic
my
infectiousness habits,
sweats & hot flashes-
Man
because of what you do,
mentally I'm gone,
once you take root in my veins,
in my lungs,
I forget all that's wrong with the world,
all those problems from my past
I no longer see any of those things.
It's a made up word,
less you count when
Kelly Price
used
Him'aholic for her album title.
Different meaning in 
 His'aholic, different in Your'aholic too,
but
that's a bit more personal and much more deep,
it a thing where
  well forget I said anything
hehehe.
I make up my own words in referencing to anything about you.
Man,
I'm  jonesing, longing and yearning
oh please oh please
note
the
oh please-
I'm begging you!
Your the unusual
"drug" addiction
I need to feed on,
You got me
craving, shamefully
shaking with it,
longing and in a dazed- hazy blur.
Because of you I'm a
mindless puppet, my strings
once connected to you
are torn.
The music doesn't sound right,
the dance ain't got he same
rhythm,
I feel sick when I can't have you
feel upside down,
when I ain't got my fix.
I got it bad & all I want is you
say what you want but just know
I got a illness
there's only one cure for
His'aholic
&
it's
you!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
made up some these words and no disrespect to anyone with a real illness/addiction. Thanks for reading even if for YOU it may not make sense.
It was fun and I did a play on words. Besos!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Do
you ever notice how
the patterns on
the ceiling looks
and ever focus so long
the patterns
start to make shapes-
You
ever stare out
and watch
yourself from
another
point of view?...
Sometimes
I still do this,
we tend to be
at odds with our
perception of life,
seems what
I'm able to see
isn't pleasant or reality-
looking down
at myself.
They
call this,
an outer body
experience
when your
looking up
watch me
watching you.
Do
you feel the pain
I was feeling,
Do
you see yourself
as if in a movie,
I keep the aftermath
& the many
"before's"
steeped in secrecy,
continuing-
obscuring the facts.
Like
these DCF workers
& Court's,
Supposedly
this "System"
was set up to
rescue us
children from
terrible situations
in our
families lives
give them
a chance
at a normal
healthy life.
As
I lay here floating
above myself,
I can see
from up here
what I'm feeling
& he's more
horrific than
the one's
they sent me
to before.
Can
you imagine
the daily living
nightmare
of being
a child assuming &
thinking you
are saved
once placed
within a new home.
Only
to find the situation
worse,
I was torn from
my loving yet very
dysfunctional family,
my siblings,
not so politically correct
but SAFETY was in
our numbers.
We
were strong even
brave as we're
placed with monsters.
monsters
in my closet,
in my room,
under my bed,
in my shower,
monsters
hiding behind the
bedroom door...
He's
coming,
his footsteps-
heard on the stairs
he'll know
I'm recently
fresh out the shower,
I can smell his stickiness-
he's yet to do anything
tonight.
The monsters,
hiding in plain sight,
in daylight-
always, always at midnight
watching me,
watching, always watching
watching me eat,
watching me sleep,
touching me in my sleep,
this monster....
Do
you ever notice
how the patterns
on the ceiling looks
and ever focus so long
the patterns start to
make
shapes


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Jan 2014 · 948
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Ayeshah Jan 2014
I don't know how to love you like you want or wish me to,

I never claimed in the first place
that I knew what love was,

told you I don't think I've ever owned it

and may have rented it a time or two,

I can't be what you need
if serenity

is what your looking for,

told you I'm a bit lost to where it's like

I wish to believe in your words
but he and him

and they
said the same thing things

promised and gave their word
like your doing

How can I give in when your
a man-  my enemy

friend yet nothing of the sort,

You'd get me,
then hurt me love me

then **** the joy of
just knowing you
right outta of me

tear me down then build me up

take for granted
the day we first met

Lie to my face and disgrace what

would be a happy home
a happy us.

Hurt me so deep
I'll believe  or trust you again,
Or anyone of the opposite ***
barely trust now

but the little I'm able to give to you has me
still questioning is it all
for real,

3 years from now or even 15

will you be able to give me all your

trying to give me now?

I don't know and I'm too scared to find out,

I need to much attention
too much of your time,

so much of being reassured
You'll,  
you'll have to constantly show & tell

prove to me
no one else can take what

you're claiming
Is "mines"
away

you'd have to validate me every single day

and check in
even if your at work least 3 times a day

Call me once you're
leaving work
& make sure
you're putting me 1st

How's
this love and where, plus

when does the past stop hurting
when do I allow
you to be the man
I so desperately need.

I can't!!!
It's too much
I'll get hurt again

so

for now

please appease me

and

Trend Lightly!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Jan 2014 · 1.3k
GOOD GIRL'S!!!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Good girl's don't tell,
You should do as I say & not as I do.

Mama said
respect my elders so respectfully
I'll lay here and not make a sound.

You've told me
God
rewards good girls when they obey their parents and being my foster parent I must do as

God

tells me so obey you I do,
I brush my teeth and let you brush my hair,
you lift a trestle
to your nose ,
smell deeply then brush my hair some more.

I must be a sacrificial lamb and let your will be done.

The pink lace type  nightgown fits me a bit big, the perfume makes me
sneeze
- -
ahchoo ahchoo
I don't like the rouge on my cheeks and this light brown powdery stuff
smell like old women and itches,
but
I smile cause it hides the swelling purplish bruises
on my eye and right cheek.

It also makes me feel so beautiful,
specially cause of  the look in your eyes,
I know that
You

like how I look from
the smirk on your face.

I sit down as you've instructed,
watching you as you go to the door
locking it,
I don't know what to think or how you feel
but you tell me that
I'm special,
magically so and you'd die
if you can't have me.

I don't know what you mean
still
I come up to you and rub your back.

It  always worked
when my
Nana
did this to me,
giving me comfort as any good parent should.

You on the other hand
hold

me and tell me I am so lovely
Yet your
not accepting the
father/ daughter comforts I wish to give you.

My naivete's got you looking at me
strangely
and in this fortress- locked room you take it upon yourself
to demonstrate just what I truly mean to you ,
you kiss,
you  kiss my lips
, touch my chest,
sliding your hand down
my
underdeveloped
body
with a hunger in your eyes of which
I can't place,
I'm frighten and worried
yet you tell  me
to relax and lay on the bed,
repeating to me  that
Good Girl's Don't Tell.*


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Jan 2014 · 542
They Say...
Ayeshah Jan 2014
They say...
They say we accept & take the love
we think we deserve,

so in my past-
I must of,
not have thought,
felt or believed
I deserved
love at all.

Laying here,
I hold my pillow & think of the look
of your eyes,
plus the look in your eyes
the contour of your face
I see it in silhouettes,

when the rooms a bit dark & the suns
the sun's yet
to set that image of you hovering
over me & the crooked  grin
flashing your white teeth,

I think of those taunt muscle
straining
as you lift your self and look down at me
how firm and chiseled your whole form is...

You're sculpted out heaven's clay.

You're like a Greek tragedy,
where the man is spoken of as the hero,
but dies saving his lady-love,
differences is your so very much alive
next to me...

your body language say you want more of us
but your actions are in'congruously showing me
something else altogether , you're playing hard to get
but how's that when I already caught you?

I smell us in this room.

Feel you inside of me
and the look you're given me
tells me you want so much more
but how am I to give you so much,
when disappointments-
been a recurring friend?

They say we accept & take the love
we think we deserve,
we'll that's what
They Say!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Jan 2014 · 849
M..!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
These silent
walls
palpitates
like echoed Doppler
heart beats
& cacophony cries
I've longed for
& yet to hear.

Entangling
sticky loosened like sinews
with a crimson rope
trailing, tied to me
a hanging noose
from genitalia to abdomen.

metaphorical blindfolded
eyes never open
mouths sealed shut,
slippery-jelly wetness
cascading from limbs
unmoving,
warm arms hold me & try hard
to calm my wails.


I feel discombobulated
in this peril of darkness
with this injustice
the savage way life's ****** away my chance
of fulfillment, the radiant glow my whole being once held
O'how my soul's been stolen away,
                                

                                             each push
                                          

                                                            * each breath
                                                      

                                                               ­                *each heart



                    breaking   pain.


It's a invisible beating,
which keeps me flailing
& screaming
as consumptive
waves mistreat
my hoarding womb
wrecking havoc
in the
  
    most brutal
way.

Unyielding
pain deep within me
White coated sleeve
red bright metallic stains.

Masked faces
& eyes who can't
match my tearful stare
sound of
regret & sympathetic
mournful apologizes-

left  me defeated
               cheated
             out of the most
important things,

which matters
        only to me.

I'm never going to be
the same
not after this
*Miscarriage
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Jan 2014 · 724
FORGET.
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I'm going to be quick
about what I need to say;

You always complimenting me,
admiration shows in your eyes

when you look at me

but I hardly ever express how
I feel or think when it comes to you.

Baby this innocence
about you drives me wild,

the child-like look you give
me makes me giggle and smile

you're so sweet, so very endearing.

Papi do you know that
when your talking to me sometimes

I don't even hear what you've said,
since I'm so busy watching your lips

watching your smile...

I get worried a bit frighten sometimes

because I never wish to lose you

can't fathom the
idea of you not being here with me

I go off the handle and
with out thinking I end up hurting you.

I'm too rough round the edges,
to harsh & brash with my words

I honestly forget your not like them.

You've never said one
bad thing to me or
done anything to wrong me,

always dedicated and upfront,
surge-coated but honest in all your doings

so much so
I even have access to your cell phone but,

I must explain.

I know this yet when we argue
over the smallest things

I forget, really I do,
forget the way you hold me so close & tight

especially when I've had a nightmare,

I forget the times you've stayed up
with me because I couldn't sleep.

Yet I can never for the
countless times you've apologized

on bended knees, tears streaming down your face.

Or how about when I've tried to leave,
you'd beg of me to stay, carry me to your room

and just hold me  or rock
even rubbing me  to sleep & wiping my tears away.

Can't forget the way you kiss me
so slow but deep causing my head to become dizzy,

the way you make love to me or how you
just touch me even the slightest bit,

how you'll spend on me and give me everything.

Baby from the moment I saw you and we
walked down the street talking,

I knew you'd be good for me.

Your protective strong and so ****
determined to provide for me

all the things I've been left with out for so long.

I cry sometimes,
because
I'm not sure I can handle
the type of man that you clearly are,

I cry too, because
I worry that one day my PSTD mind will take it to far...

So far I'll lose you,
lose us and all the great things we've become.

But Baby I can't forget the times before you,
the unhappiness- my life once held

the lonely nights and helplessness
that no longer exists.

Your everything to me and a Godsend

because of this plus so much more

I'll do my best to remember but

seriously how can I ever*

Forget!?!


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
(you're not like them and every day you show me I matter, I'm important& the way you love me uncontrollably & unconditionally keeps me loving you so very deeply even if I'm scared I ain't running, less it's with you)
Jan 2014 · 1.2k
SHOWER!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Soapy suds tracing all over my
succulent breast, chest, *******,
down down my
abdomen,
outer & inner thighs,
hands, feet, and my genitals.

Suds dancing deliciously
on my skin
bubbling all around me

You whisper in my ear
as you come up
from behind me
a gentle touch felt.

Pressing waters
dripping over us
steams spray- misting down
from the shower head
fogging up
my frost pattern
shower glass doors.

Soap suds wash away,
your massive hand
cups my breast
sliding up to my neck
strong fingers encase
my throat
my heads pushed down
as you bend me over
you sigh in pleasure
as you enter me.

One finger then another,
while you stroke your
big scrumptious ****.

Exquisitely you slowly
slide down
my form,
part my legs,
palm of your hands
firmly on my thigh
lifting my leg over
one of your shoulders
you flick your tongue
across my ****,
savor my honeydew
wetness.

Your tongues exploring
inside my silken walls
while you tease my ****
all the while you
continuously *******
me.

My hairs soaked & wet
hanging heart-shaped
round my face
down to my shoulders.

You lift me up, my hands
instinctively grip your neck
your hips rise forcibly to meet me
as you outline the moist contours of my
sweet ***** lips.

The tip of your head
enters me, your holding my *** so tightly
moving swift & deep inside of me.

This is so crazy,
the way your
joined with me
deep in me pumping
hard long stokes...

Our body’s move with
wild abandonment
in search of that
euphoric height
we cling tightly
as the waves
of pleasure
crash together,
wave after
delirious wave
your
expanding our
******* utopia
I dig my
nails deeper
in your back
until you’re
thrusting
hips slow a bit.

I bite my lip cause your so deep,
I have this starvational need
a longing and each
stroke out
makes me want you
back in deeper.
your body
fervently
consumes
me as you
invade my tight
silky walls.
This build up is so
energetic
causing sensations
causing my body
inner and outward
contractions,
with burst of
pleasure
so uncontrollable
all over my body
the waters cold
guess we can carry on in the bedroom
so how about we take a break
& get out of the*

SHOWER?!?*


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Jan 2014 · 623
Five Months Ago
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Five months ago
  things didn't seem
to matter,
this spiral
             I've crashed down
into was my
every day norm.

           Five months ago
I'd allow myself to
be talked to
any type of way,
find comfort
in your
taunts
lies
    games
            and
   ******

fulfillment
               since
I thought
five months ago
he would change,
            I praised myself for
being in a
toxic relationship
& staying strong,
thought
I'd be weak if I left.

Five
   months
ago
    I thought

I needed
           you,
thought that
I was your soul catcher
the one meant to
protect & support your tyrant ways.

Five
    months
ago
               I'd listen to
you & follow
           your lead,
pray for us
prayed for me,
the answer came
                when I felt lies welling up
constantly
drowning on em choking from
      them swimming deep
like sharks attacking
                   me over & over
I five months ago
felt the magnitude of betrayal
                     felt what I thought was
my world caving in,
          hurt me with your
words then love me
            in bed so slowly,
I laid there most times
                thinking what the ****
am
I doing here-
then
you'd make
       my body react,
make me feel so good,
                  five months ago I'd let you.
Let you control and demand things
                             from me more of myself
                to where
I had barley anything left to give.

        I'm grieving a loss
that's easily mending,

Five months
I'd of begged
        even pleaded,

Five months ago
I'd of ran into those
         strong open arms,
now
       I've recapture
the woman
I wish to become
the woman
     I'm working on.

How's it
         I've allowed you so
  much authority
             over me & courtesies
       of my life,

I made you boss
and
I like the luggage & baggage
I still carry,
you where the one
                  playing with my strings
the puppet- your dummy
a fowl fool

I've been
         but that's
    no longer
relevant
    since
           that was

FIVE Months Ago!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
just thinking out loud.... therapeutic.............
Jan 2014 · 1.1k
No One Said...
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Love isn't here
right now

just my carnivorous
lust

for the
Mandingo
you're carrying
between your legs

savor this moment
and drive home
deeply in this place

a pace.

Where only you can dwell

sweet talk your lies into
my opening womb

let me succumb
to your hatred
painful thrusting rod

indulge within

a fantasy
like
world
where
only we exits

Pull me
closely
I'll straddle your hips
& thighs

feel me as

I mold
around you
like vise grips,

feel us
as
we sit in this
Karma Sutraistic
circle

my feet & heels

meeting together
and yours
meeting too

bend
my head back
as

you
suckle hard
on each ******

tantalizing me
in your
spell

lick
and
flicker
your tongue
around
again

lift me
fittingly
to
your manhood

Grab my buttocks  
move deep while
I
push downwards

meet me half way
and look into my eyes

share with me
and love on me

love in me
as
you make
stars dance
in my eyes

fulfill
me while you
pump in
then
out

hard & solid I feel you

I'm moist

wet sleek
and
longing

crazed
as
we switch up

Oh I'm
on all
fours

I'm worried
your
not as small
as
you'd assume

handle
me with care
but
dare to
be
boldly rough
with me

choke
me
as
you penetrate
me even deeper

cry out as
I just did
and
you'll move swiftly

liking the sounds my
heart shape mouth whimpers out

stifle my sounds cover my face

big hands surround
my neck stride for stride

faster as you go

I'll be crying
again
from the
heat building within

more is what
I wish to say
bit by bit

it's coming

it's almost
there

*******
my ***

loosing
control

rushing
heat

filling me up
and
I can't help it

I have to cry out

I'm dying the little death

your
scrambling
to catch me
and
leave your mark

***

No
you'll huddle over me

I'll take you
with in my lips

parted
slightly
so you'll

fit

**** my face
pull my hair

slam your ****
deep
down my throat

please
stop
finer in my little slit

I'll burst
again

faster
with
each
lick
each ****

my heads
bobbing

your
swelling

you
wont
let go of my

hair

******
no one
SAID

for yo ****

to *** in my mouth!*


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Jan 2014 · 1.4k
He's Coming Home!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Woe is you not me,  
woe is the life we live lying to compensate
how we really feel,  
is it something to be proud of -
that I have you only to not have you
when it's most convenience,
touch me fast kiss me quick,
hide away, don't say that,

cause "He"  might hear you,
shhh,
lets pretend & perpetrate nothing going on,
nothings as it seems, I I can't win,
we can't loose,
hide away this longing yearning
un-penetrating bound we share.

Hold off don't kiss me just yet cause
wallowing in regrets a thing I must do,
save face and be untrue be in debt
and
live as if there isn't anything between us,  
nothings sacred anymore,
we have to give off this illusion
that this friendships nothing more.

Pretend as you love me never let me feel you though,  
hold me close but quickly let me go,  
move in and out of me but don't fall asleep once we finish
hurry go to your room, please,

fastly hurry, shh don't make a sound.

shhh, do you hear that sounds like keys entering a lock,
please stop wait ok go slow, slower,  
I love you too & love you more,  
do it again deeply this time make me pop,  
your hairs blowing from the wind in my bed room
since I left the window open.

Sshh did you hear that wait, ok ,  don't stop,  
this is the love we share sadly it's not enough, come with me
and please hurry
baby hurry
I'm exploding,
climaxing together feels so good,
but wait shhh,
don't you dare move,
don't speak,
hold up, run to your room  
hurry up,

Shhh baby stop  shivering
Please no more cause...

He's coming home.*



Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Jan 2014 · 2.2k
Watching TV!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
We're laying here  with pillows on the floor, like where in the Sahara or some other exotic place just- watching TV.

Hold me while you run your fingers through my hair, caress my face as you look down into my sober face,  a smile breaks and i cast my eyes downwards knowing I'm blushing  cause your looking at me with that tale tell look.

I flick through the channels pretending not to notice your left arms laying right on my breast, the weight of it is refreshing since your left arms underneath my right arm and you've encircled the top half me protectively in your embrace.

I like leaning back on your chest as we watch TV, going through the channels together but you allow me to hold the remote, we settle for a movie we both like, "The Grudge".

We're all into the movie & been watching for a long while, it's scary and I shirk so loud you hold me tight,  even though I've now jumped a tiny bit & cursed out the scary girl crawling around on the screen,

I've covered my eyes with my blanket, I peek out from the blanket and look up at you, your holding in a laugh which seems so hard for you to do.

Kissing my forehead and loosen up your grip, then say to me baby are you scared?

Naw like really?,  of course I am & duh I say, you finally burst out laughing , its beautiful like sweet baritone- like music.

You bend & kiss me,  the kiss, I guess goes on for what seems like hours, it's only been at most a minute,.
Baby,- is what you say to me and finally I open my eyes, your looking at me with that tale tell look.

We kiss some more as we start ******* each other, fast and swift we get right down to it, no  foreplay  just the kissing, you enter me and unbeknown to me I'm moist, ready.

Your moving deeply, I'm moving fast, like it's a race, your aims to take your time,  but I'm heated, I've been longing for you, so I make sure without saying a word that I end up on top.

I'm grinding my pelvis as we mesh together, allowing you to move in & out of me, I'm climaxing rapidly, I told you I've been longing for you.

****** You've stop me dead, cold, and I'm looking at yo *** like what the ****, you smile those bright teeth with those amazing lips spread wide showing off your kool-aid grin, then say to me relax baby & don't move.

I don't know how you've done it but I'm on my stomach in a flash, and you haven't even taken your **** out of me,  rather your moving so deep inside of me allowing the pleasure from before to come back in such a force,
that I ******* bit hard down on my lip, not intentionally, your moving fast now and smack me on my ***.

I'm moving with you as if I'm a dancer in a ***** shaking video,  as if I'm a **** star pro and your the main star, I've always wanted to ****.,

I'm moving faster now, we've matched each other stroke for stroke, so much so it's like where  racing to some imaginary finish line,

but you slow your pace, I wish I could- but I'm already climaxing and my body's doing it on it's own.

You intentionally move even deeper, to where I can feel you hitting my ******,

It's all my body needed,  I cry out so loudly, you pick up your pace and **** me so hard, so deep, your holding on to my hips and slamming your **** in & out,  out & in
with such force & so much friction, once more my body's reacting.

You pump so fast & all I can do is take it, while I *** again & again,  you've yet to,

but I can feel it coming, with each stroke, each ******,  I feel the thickness all nine inches of you swell up.

You growl out; Ahhhhhayeshahhh, I'm *******, and erupt, right behind you is my turn, guess you knew cause you never stop.

This is crazy cause all this started just from us

Watching TV.*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1990-Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Baby, let's leave the lights on....

I want to make love with the lights on,

Sit on top of you before we do anything.

Trace your hand while my hands are in yours,
in union we caress each others arms up & down,
stare into each others eyes as
we touch & explore one another.

Allow you to run your hands up then
down my back, stroke my chest,
caress my heart & feel it beating,
slowly I watch you,take one of my breast
into your mouth, suckling & nibbling just a little.

Sending radiant sensations tingling
all through me.

I want to do it with the lights on,.

Hold me closely as you kiss me,
all the while your still touching
me & staring at me.

Looking into my very soul as you lift
me on to your throbbing solid rod.

Melting me as your hot sleek member
dances inside of me.

I'll move with you never taking
my gaze from your face.

My nails on their own dig in deeply,
I feel the flesh break on your back,
that's when you move a bit deeper

hehehe

sort of like ouch & mmm girl
take this - for me doing that.

I watch as your lips part
and you moan just a bit,
I'll follow your lead as you speed up
& move my hips.

Hands firmly pressed against my buttocks,

tightly you squeeze then pull me

fully down-around your steel rod,

I cry out from pain & pleasure.

Beads of sweat trickle down my back-

I can feel the coolness from the cracked window,

the light in the bedroom are still on, the TV's flashing

from what ever shows being shown,.

I hear a dog bark and a baby cry,

It's daylight and we've been seducing

each other like this for over
two hours.

You've barely spoken a world since you

took my clothes off

& asked me to help with your shirt.

We've switched it up and I'm on my stomach

with my slit in your face,

your tasting me,

I'm ******* on you.

The blend of us sure does taste good,

like pineapples & honey.

I feel it & I'm ready, you slide ******* inside of me

causing my body to ****, then seize up

Like I'm having convulsionary fits.

Flip me over and enter me again

so slowly, I'm begging for your

to hurry & give me all of you.

I'm looking at you as you watch me bite my lip,

you stick your finger in my mouth, then kiss me, tasting us,

causing me to become delirious

we're at a fever pitch, moving in sync,

I can feel you swelling...

I'm sure your about to pop, and on cue my body fires up

it's built so quickly- I can barely catch my breath,

we're ******* together

all the while,  I nor you

ever take our eyes off of each other.

Now you see why*

I Want To Do It With The Lights On?!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1990-Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
This AM I woke thinking of nasty thoughts & dream I had didn't  help either lol. It was veryyy intimate . Besos HP friends! TY for reading!
Jan 2014 · 1.2k
Best For You
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Your looking for an answer
baby trust me,
he hardly means anything to me now,
with all his hurtful words
and his continuous
putting me down,
what me & him once had doesn't
compare to whats become of us.

You looking for an answer to my past
so I suggest you leave it & him there.

He claimed he wanted friendship,
you were right next to me listening when he said this.

Later as I've told you he tried asking for more,
lied with the so called friendship
but once the truth was out I left him alone.

You know what I'm looking for know too
that I've been dealt a bad hand
and I'm working on myself.

Your pondering  what my next steps may be
and I'm telling you
  I'm taking things day by day,
not rushing
because the last thing
I wish to do is loose our friendship.

You've become a part of me,
a part I refuse to allow anyone else
to come between,
I know you'd fight for me
and
why I'm explaining
that there is no need,
no reason to doubt because
our bound can only
be broken by
you or me.

I love the way you
make me feel,
how you've made me
secure in more ways
then one & how your
  protective of my children,
I love how you listen to me
and how you deal with
my personality disorder
never making fun of me
or of them,
how  you try to tell me jokes
when I'm crying
and
how very patient you've been,
while I'm healing & getting over him,
never over-bearing or pushy,
you've yet to say
one bad thing about me
and I know how you feel,
you know too that it's
been a climb up
heal.

I wont ever ask
you to wait for me
or
to be ready or ask you to go either,
so the answer to your question is
you need to do what is best for you.*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1990-Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
My friend and companion. I appreciate & Thank you, but I'll not sit by and be the reason your hearts broken or torn, I'm healing and living my life so at this point I'm not looking for a man but if ever I do you will be the 1st to know, I don't know if we'll end up together but least I will always be honest with you and say that the love I do have for you is on another type of level.

Besos & thanks for bringing me back to poetry!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I'm tired.

Tired of you

and the **** you keep texting me.

Tired of the many excuses

& all yo threats **** yo *** funny.

Tired of how you assume so much,

shut the **** up.

Everything ain't about you,

her,  them or him.

Most of times it's

whatever
I ******* feel like writing.

I'm tired of how you
still try to dictate to me,

******* please
YO *** ain't mines.

When I left you,
it was over your lies,
cheating, your mental,
physical plus emotion abuse,

oh wait don't forget your deceitfulness,
your decorum of begin
a unscrupulous
sorry excuse of a man,

Yo *** tried it calling me
a  N...,
over 4 times.

I bet yo  wanna be
"Italian" ***

liked all this "N!"
did fo you...

Member I was with yo ***
when you were broken,
homeless, penniless
even toothless,
yo *** still toothless,
and  you were still
trying to be a player boo!

You tried to blame me for all
the ****** off **** you've done to me,

but like I been told you
when you begged me back

"all I wanted back
then from you was
money & ****"

No one used you- you played ya **** self,

call me user, gold-digger it's not gon help.

I stopped being in love with you long ago,

I know you seen it when Yo *** tried it,

I been told you- don't put yo

motha ******* hands on me,

you had to finally find out the hard way,

told you stay the **** outta my face,

you screaming loudly in my ear,

trying to scare me

please.

I'm from Brooklyn- fighting meant
some days we got to eat!

You thought because
of what the Arab dude

did to me I'd be scare of

" you",

even at his ****** off worst

that motha ****** -the best at abuse

was 10xs better than you.

You say you want me back,

then flip out cause

I'm not interested,
not when you've still be on some kid level ****!

claimed you want to help,
when I need some money,
you think you slick,
helping a few times, claimed as a friend
then saying I have to be yo woman,
your just a sorry *** liar,
I no longer need that
little once a month $200 dollars,
naw man like I been told you,
I'm not for sell & you you will
never own me.

You once, well a few times told me
I was your property,

I find it funny,

how I belong to you when
I'm my own woman?

You then say I used you but how is it possible

when since I left you I told you upfront son

all I wanted was yo **** & some money,

Now ***** you say and ****,

you called me that

through out our sorry ***
3 year relationship,

I'll be a ***** & a ****

**** I don't give a ****,

"My truth"
is you was
the only one I used to ****

oh wait your warped mind
you say making love,
but you don't know the meaning of love.
I know the differences

and trust me or don't but

you got ok ****  just it ain't
that back breaking- making
love type ****,

it never was,

sorry boo, you only
know how to ****,

**** UP PEOPLES LIVES

**** UP YOUR OWN

**** UP FAMILY'S HAPPY LIL HOME

**** up a good time and **** up the world

your just **** up and ****** off with your

insults and lame words

put me down it doesn't hurt no mo,

I know I'm better off t
hen ever again being yo girl.

Believe what ever you like

long as we just say good-bye

as the song goes

BLAME IT ON ME

long as we ain't doing
this no more.

I could care less,

claim I'll never change

but the only who hasn't
gotten help or changed in
the slightest is you and I'm not
yo door mat,

I'm not what you need

try a straightjacket

long as you go do
that **** the ****

away from me.

Yo *** hate to see me
happy even when

I was with you,

your a miserable
type of person,

and a lonely, sad ****,

a 45 year old fool.

Last time we was together

I couldn't wait to be rid of you,

ya just annoying now,

always trying to manipulate
your rules & dictations,

or get your own way,
trying to force yourself

into my life

ya always trying to be spiteful,
plus hurtful

even to ya own father
& that **** was over a bike...

not a motorcycle,
a ****** off pedal bike!

These are all the reasons
why I left you,

but you can tell em all you left me

it doesn't matter cuz at the end of the day

I'm finally happy

being on my own, no accusations, ridicule,

abuse or any other ****** off problems

from you,

and while I'm happy weather

for a moment or a lifetime

I'll live it up & do as I ******* please.

I'm so tired of this same old thing,

comforting you, explaining literally

every single thing

having to always justify myself to you,

WHO
the **** are you?


You don't deserve a answer

so MIND YO ******* business man!

This is my life & that of my children

& I'm a do as I **** well please!

if you were a good person in general,

treated me like a man should

things would of been so completely different,

The problem ain't me

as I used to believe,

it's you and I'm

I'm tried,

TIRED OF YOU!


(you'll never be good or good to me)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
I been dealing with a person who takes anything I write on Hello-poetry in a literal sense no matter when,what, who and/or where  my idea's , thought or whatever comes from when I write, this dude assumes its about someone else and or about him, then texts me and cusses me out ,puts me down etc, im like so what if i write let me write  who the hell is he to dictate my poems real or not real true or not true  weather of my life or fantasy, anyhow fact is, 1 he aint my man 2 he stalking me online and off and im done, we broke up long ago and well the poem finally says it all, so HP friends forgive me as I rant.... pray for me, my girls & me are  moving to KY soon, so I will be better off out of NM and soon! my kids don't need this or to see me stressed over an ex one who isn't their father or kin and this is just tiring , im a student and it seems i am just wrong for bettering my life n that of my kids since it aint got anything to do with him im wrong, got a retraining order too and he still harasses me so im done as i said. this ends now! thanks for reading and hope to write about better things soon! 1 luv yall! Always Me Ayeshah
Ayeshah Jan 2014
You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

Don't get me wrong I was on many sites, still talking it up

to those who'd seem genuinely interested,

yet I've as you now know, went through a lot of disappointments

with the opposite ***, from cheating, abuse, games,

lies and so much more,

well you now know, so no need for more details.

You've come at a time where & when I only needed a friend,

I should of been clear about that instead of continuing
late night conversations of whose ex's hurt who
the most & the things we'd do differently
"if " only(s)....

"If" only you'd come at a time where DBT- counseling,
was almost complete & these insecurity's
left by the lies,doubts, mistrust or broken down communications
from past experiences didn't have me questioning
every single word you say,
plus every one of your actions made.

I've been keeping to myself,
becoming a recluse,
but
from the
Mental Disorders handbook,
I'm listed as
a afflicting person since I've display
a person with a pervasive pattern of  social inhibition,
feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation,
with my avoidance of social interaction.

I'm afflicted with the disorder & I tend to describe me
as ill at ease, anxious, lonely, and generally feel unwanted
plus I fell I'm isolated from others.

I used to go out a lot,
I had a plethora of friends well very good acquaintances,
I've allowed exes to push me into giving them up & now
I find it hard to just open up, find it so difficult to trust.

My supposed best friend slept with my husband
and another of these so called best-friends lied to a few men
that could of become my man.

So women or man- I find it hard to be myself now round them,
round you it was easy to talk to laugh and be completely free,
but I should of told you, I wasn't ready for
late night trips to your home, showers or baths to relax me,
back rubs until you put me to sleep.

Wasn't ready for you and those powerful hugs,
the encouragements
or
pats on the back
for the countless hours studying & getting my 4.0
with all my college classes .

You're a friend well you were & still are,
I should of left it at that.
Should of...

I should of told you,
that I doubt I know what loves is
or 
 if I've ever really owned it, I think I've rented it- a time or so,
but to say that I've been truly loved?

Naw I doubt it,
been infatuated & lusted a lot but love?
again
Naw I doubt it...
You already know I ain't speaking of my children,
pets or family.

Well let us exclude
my mama
cause she's always said to me
"who could ever love you"?

Most of my life I've tried to fill in the blanks of "who"?
"who could ever love me"

I thought I knew, *
but in recent events plus theses last 15 years
I've notice those who came to say they loved me
showed me different & treated me so ugly!

You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,
wanting or needing a relationship.

Your friendship is comforting,
I guess I'm scared, worried of the unknown, all those
"ifs"
and what could be, but I'm afraid, worried-
I already said worried, so worried in fact I've sometimes
put space between us.

I'm so painfully bruised & scarred from inside plus out,
from the age of 6 to now that's 30 years of being  bruised & scarred.

This was pose to be a poem and now it's more like a letter,
You know like "Dear John" or to whom ever,
but the ever only person whose made me make sense of me
seems to be you.

Somehow your in this deeper than I think I am
I'm conflicted, confused,
even though you've yet to do what others have done to me
or what others have put me through.

Think I should say: what I've allowed them to do-
"sometimes"
I've allowed them to do.

I seem to NO- I know I make you pay for what they've done to me,
guess I shall say I've allowed them to do to me knowingly or not...
I'm so disappointed by life & all it's had to offer me,
I've known & at times unbeknown to myself
have taken it out on you,
on others too by staying out their lives...

I apologize, but I'm not sorry,
that to me is something I don't think
I could ever be...

Saying sorry for me means- I'm a sorry person,
flawed-
*YES,

*very much so, becoming a recluse ok
but to be "sorry"    no,
therefore I apologize.


Through  all the ******* and all the mess
you've supported me.


I'm screaming or yelling at you & you've accepted me,
from the nightmares, that wake me & you've heard
my siren crying yelps of despair,
you've held me tightly,
reassuring me it's just a dream that my ex's
along with my childhood/teen molesters plus them ******
can't harm me no more...


You've left the lights on since I'm afraid of the dark
walking me to my room and locking the house up tight,
even at times checking under my bed
see your comforting for me,
at 36 I should be ashamed, yet with you I finally feel free
feel a bit good about me & about you,
says a lot since for a while I've yet to feel ANYTHING!


You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

But now that your
*here" can you please stay?



Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I know you heard me

when I told you come here

Your looking at me
from downcast eyes

I'm the cannery so kitty cat

come pounce on your prize

smile go on & giggle

as you act like you don't know

but listen up man

I'm ready

been waiting
so hurry up

Open me roughly-

NO!,

don't take your time hurry

yea hurry up

rip off my dress

that's it man now swiftly

shove your ****

between my thighs

sigh out your enjoyment-

you've found the mark

move deeper a little faster

now stop & **** my mouth

I'm on my knees

letting you pound your ****
deep down this throat

pound it faster baby
keep going

**** it even if I gag

that's it baby

mmm
I love how you taste

move deeper  come on hurry up

I feel you swelling
like your about to erupt

Help me to my feet
*bend me over this table


I need a release & only your able

Your massive ****'s swollen
it's hungry just like me

Shove it in deeply

please me to my core

**** me,

YESSSS

****    *meeee


Baby keep going

******* move deeper,

harder- faster,

I'm delirious-

craving every inch
of your massive ****

spread me wide
wider

hold me fast to your lustful ******

hurt me

make me scream out
my ******* release

Yess

I'm *******

Keep it up

ooo
mmhmm

**** me give me more

over & over

YESSS!

baby

**** me

mmm ahhh

more..............

Oh ****
*how'd we end up on the floor


(ouch)*


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Very Explicit-ADULTS/18&OVER.; IF CONTENT IS TOO MUCH FOR YOU PLEASE DON'T READ IT. I get thoughts and ideas which I let run as it will, so enjoy -for those who don't mind & thanks for reading.hope u like it!
Jan 2014 · 1.1k
'Ain't Gots No Words
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I ain't gots no words for you,

none you can take with you as you turn & walk out my life,

but while you be on ya way

how about you tell me

how is it

you expect me to
give up my life & watch my heart bleed,

laid on the ground

stomped on & mashed

in to tiny little pieces?

I ain't gots no words for you,

none to boost your manly ego

so you can strut

strut like a *******
two legged jack-assed' peacock,

but how about you tell me

why you're a liar & think to get mad

when I don't believe you

& even more upset- I'd say *******

now that I no longer trust your action

or whatever it is you

be yapping about

these days

but member

I ain't gots no words

not for you

or your misogynistic bull

on how
I'm pose to cook, clean & never voice a need,

want or desires

long as

I birth your hate and give into your twisted commands.

Hell Naw!!!

I ain't gots no words for you,

not  when your

fist- I've tasted as it collided with my lips,

guessing for me a lovers kiss

was dismissive & none of me got your affection

Not when you've given all you had & shut *****

was the only thing you had left to me

Nor
when I'm down in

womb-like form

holding my knees to chest

while

your standing slightly bent

over me

talking bout

say another motha-******* word

your
hand's balled up

cocked back

ready to strike

I ain't have no words then for you

cuz'

you nearly choked out my life

I ain't gots no words for you,

I ain't gots no words for you,

I
just
ain't gots no words for you,  

  not when you,   

  when you, 

you

Say falsely you "love" me
& I longing for just this fall prey once more
as
I let you
climb in bed & hold me,

spread wide my legs    

Ooo  mmmmm
mmmm aahh oooo


* I know I'm living in your lies
Your My demise.

This life's fading

from my view

which is why

I ain't gots no words for you




(Cuz' finally-You killed me.)*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
The Cycle of Abuse has to end & it starts with

"YOU",

ain't You got something to say?
Jan 2014 · 2.8k
QUICKSAND!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Feeling like quicksands surrounding me,
trapped here sinking into the unknown,

grasping at flimsy vines- like branches
from this willow tree near by.

The more I move to catch a hold
of it's long flowery vine- like branch,

the more I'm swallowed up
in this murky quicksand...

I need to get out & move on from here.

It's not so cold & a bit comforting to me,
scary as it is to be sinking to my death.

Like those strong arms
which once held me closely- so tightly,
I almost suffocated...   almost.

I had a dipsomania for those arms,
like those vine- like flowery branches.

A curiosity brooding over me
for a need I'd hardly allow,

like the longing to move out of this pitted hole
where slowly I'm being devoured...

Sadly for me, I seem to have a lack of
romantic-relationship acumen.

I've fell into your trap yet noticed you were
a master at excogitating reasons not to do

the assigned requirements for what would
of been a everlasting affair.

You've sinking me faster into the depths of loneliness
lies welling up and surrounding me in darkness.

Sandy banks seems with in reach,
yet I can't get a firm grip on this branch- like vines,
omnipresent swinging gently in the breeze.

Like those strong arms
which once held me closely- so tightly,
I almost suffocated...   almost.

I had this painful self-injected
craving for you like taken ******
for the first time,
only drug of choice though was you.

In my mind eyes, your succumbing
to my wicked desires where

I put you into un-rational thoughts,
guess you'd say it was
irrational

to think of you in such a poisonous,
concupiscent way.

Knowing as I do that you've
yet to quench me or fulfill this

wrongful,
painful  burden of need,
not of late and not for a long time now.

I'm stretching out my arms,
all the while the slightest movements causes me to
descend deeper into this murky slushy quicksand...

Seemingly it's rising up,to cover my chest
I'm finding it hard to concentrate,  

I guess it's the same for you
with your  irascible disposition,
ever since you've found out,

I'm no longer willing to be your victim .

I'm not going to let you swallow me whole
leaving my bones to surface later

once you've dried up
from the magnitude of your collections,
with in your murky lugubrious quicksand.

I've fought this long & I'm winning,
I have the willow's finger-like viney flowery
branch,  firmly with in my hands.

I've grasped on so tight, because,
because- I know what it's like to be free,
to live and not be ****** in,

to forever & never able to reach
that bank which always seemed more like
a mirage,

I knew to be more real then the many sandy
"I love you's"
you've plead & fibbed out to me,

I felt what it's like to laugh & dance
as the sun beats humidly down on me,

I know what I want & it's not to be with you
or die in your*

QUICKSAND!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Dec 2013
Airbrushed watercolors

steal tonight,

Majestic acrylics
like royal purple,
lavender & reds-
silken sheets a mess

boldly he  molds
her to his skillful hands,

browns & blues, pinks & greys.

Flesh tones meshed in silhouettes

Lips

touching in the sweetest embrace,

as his body joins with hers.

Slowly
masculine hands
hold her tightly

while his ramrod manhood finds it's mark.

Her
tulips open moist for him

&

his honey dew kisses scorch her coco skin,

leaving her heated with each caress of his lips,

burning with each touch of his fingers,

she's never tasted such desire,

from sun up to sun down,

he's ready & willing.

Her
tiny whimpers & plea's escape her

as
his tantalizing assault

causes her to convulse inside & out..

Her
release continues to intensify

and

he's like a caged beast

trapped- with her tightly

pinned beneath him
as
he pounds deeply
within her velvet walls.

She's moaning, clinging,

legs wrapped round his waist,

nails digging deeply

in & down

his back with each stroke

with

each ******

she's moving in sync crying out

as

he causes such havoc

on her body,

scorning her skin

with

each lavish

flick of his tongue.

It's morning and the day breaks

rays of sunlight

streams into

their bedroom,

he's yet to be done

and

for hours now

her body's been

his canvas.

He's painted her

wild & wanton

seductive & brazenly wicked

he's stroked her

rose bud ****** assorted colors

against her velvet walls,

masterfully opened

and

vigorously

he strummed

her tulips to spread widely

on his canvas.

He's melted her to him

and

there's no other place she'd rather be

than on-*

His Canvas.

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Dec 2013
I need to find the words,

It's hard to say all I long to tell you,

I need to find the words,

A way to express what's inside

of me.

I need to find the words,

Anything would be better

than not opening up at all.

But, how do I tell you

I want you to go slowly-

swiftly into my dewy throbbing

velvety soft petals & take my nectar,

and as you do so, I'd like for you to

kiss my lips making them part on their own

As your tongue rules it's assault  within my mouth,

so seductively & tantalizingly good...

I need to find the words,

It's hard to say all I long to tell you,

I need to find the words,

A way to express what's inside

of me.


I need to find the words,

Anything would be better

than not opening up at all.

But, how do I tell you I want you to

move in sync with me,make the beat

flow & speed up the tempo
just a little, as we dance horizontal.

slip out betwixt my  limbs & spread me wide
with your massive fingers, slide 1, 2 maybe even 3-
inside of what's now become your permanent
playground,

& move in&out; deeply keep up that tempo
and my hips will follow your lead.

As you do this, move your tongue over my rosebud
& lavishly **** the nectar from me.

Lick & flicker over my swollen bud,
a bit faster than before,
mmmm,

I'm longing for you to enter me again,
I long for you to bend me over
& let your will be done...

I need to find the words,

It's hard to say all I long to tell you,


I need to find the words,

A way to express what's inside

of me.


I need to find the words,

Anything would be better

than not opening up at all.


But, how do I tell you


I want you?!!*
(more than air it self?)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Dec 2013
I never been on

Verses & Flow or Poetry Slam

don't get me wrong

I'd love to be

but me sharing like that on "mic"

scares the ******* life outta me

yet I admit

I want to in fact would love it

But right now-

I can only tell you how I feel
&
this is how I let **** out

express me&sometimes; let you in

so this is a poem I've made about this dude.

A dude whose comforting and new

a dude whose lenient

and beautiful inward & outward.

He talks to me of so many thing

and he has a mind that speak more

volume then money....

I've been know to deal with them  baller's

those who'd spend on me-

the moment I call em.

He's gentle and kind,

mindful of me & my needs

even

funny even at times

when he's joking round with me.

He lights my way and makes me see

not of everything physical,or ****** either

but of inspiring dreams

for me to do better

than what I've been told I could barely achieve

from listening to past assaults

and dead weighted-ended relationships...

To opening the ******* door

& letting me just be ME....

My hair weaves

he complimented

and my braiding techniques too

from my beautiful big lips

plus this luscious **** hours glass phat *** shape

he says baby your amazing

then kisses my forehead

like Taye Diggs did in both The Best Man movies.

When he touched my breast- not in a ****** way

I felt finally safe-

cuz I asked did you feel the lump there

he kisses me on my cheek

tells me it's ok even if my hair falls out

and all my weaves went away,

he's seen me without em,

seen me with out makeup too.

No need to worry since there isn't even a lump,

so he says & I smile widely.

but if it was I'd still be the most beautiful

this he promises me

and looks me right in my eyes.

This dude says he watched me sleep

sometimes until the early morn

and looked at me like I've never

looked at myself.

Mind you I know I'm fine

but barely was I ever able to know my wealth,

to even ******* know myself worth

or who I really was.

Sadly so beautiful but yet I'm so tainted & insecure

He's seen this about me long ago

yet I thought before him-

that love had to hurt

that the pain I've caused me-

from dealing with other types of "love"

from dudes due their share was somehow real

Other dude's who'd spend

and who'd **** me deep & put my *** to sleep

was what love meant

this "love" I was so used to-

was pose to be fist knocking back my head

eyes black in their sockets,

clothes ripped off

and me being slammed to the ground ******

and left bleeding

Left, deserted, abandon

and me sore bruised-

from ever part of me

cops coming once a month

or when he ****** his boss & I went the *******.

Or love was him- telling ole girl in Chi Town

how much he couldn't live with out her

while sitting on the toilet in my house-

in my bathroom after ******* me

and calling it making love.

Or love was pose to be in my head

when he let his cousin get away with ****** me-

yet I was the who got her *** beat.


I thought from

the age of 6

that I was pose to lay there

just spread wide for you

and let you use me

pinch

poke and rule me!

I didn't know this kind of man

so every time dude came around-

I'd chase him away.

telling him

NAW man I don't date white boi

(that's slang for boy)

but
I've dated the Italian and he liked them easy women

the ones he could change and manipulate

I've dated the Natives born of this "America" land

he showed me what my mother tried to hide-

like a drunkard father beating her at night

this was the Native

who wasn't taught how to eve3r be a man

Then there was Paul-

a mixed up race/breed Native too-

Apache yet Mexican and yet American

in New Mexico they're called Chicano's

so guess that what the **** he was

he had the short man complex

and couldn't bother to talk

he thought *** would be pleasurable

but sadly for me & him

his baby toddler *****

just didn't do the trick.

So hurting worded voices loudly spoke

caused me abuse,

I guess it's still my fault-

I allowed them to hurt me.

The smooth talker,

Casanova,

The Ballers,

The players with the nice whips

(That means cars y'all)

The man who could **** out my mind & my brains

get my ***** wet before he even got to my house


The Mr. Fix it-

whose good at fixing ****

but not for being committed

cuz his check wasn't enough to even put a dent in my rent

and his habit of scathing his *****

and calling me ***** just didn't work.

So these are them type motha fuckas

I'm used to-

like ole boy

who'd carry my books

and help me with all my assignments in college

for a peek yet talk and brag about the *** he hadn't ever hit

not me but that's the story he told

lying since his reputation depended on it.

Sorry but this was my thinking this was how it went

& how it was meant or pose to be

yet
the Egyptian had it best

on top of all these dudes.

His was the ultimate

because his lies where centered

by half truths

which I know

know were more lies

than his word sworn on a Qur'an,

he'd **** his best friends wife

then beat me into submission,

**** me- buy me....

BUY Me,

Bought me

like a slave from way back when

buy me

love me

then buy me some mo

He'd buy all kinds of **** to keep me claiming for me

houses, cars, jewelry,

and name brand items- I'd have a black eye,

ribs smashed to pieces,

but **** I looked real cute

limping round  in my new **** from

Sax 5th Avenue, Dolce & Gabbana, Prada & Versace.

**** name it & I maybe already had it


this is the same man who saved me from

being ***** by my foster father,

yet he became like the foster father

he saved me from

seemingly

after we've became husband & wife...

So when dude comes calling

I hold back built higher walls,

push him away,

fight and get in his face,

waiting for the monster to come out

waiting for him

to slam me to the floor or ground

I never believe a word he says

always looking for a reason or excuse

calling him lair and fake

telling him to ******* & go away

never really given him a

chance for him to be my man.

I be mean and I make him wait

but he says I know your pain

and together we can make it

just let's take it day by day.

He kisses me lightly,

caresses me tenderly

massages me to sleep

listen to my every word

and gives great advise,

has been a friend and part of the family

he has opened me

to expressing his own

pains trails & tribulations


never judgmental or abrasive

not even abusive

not even a little bit.


But
my ****** up mind is so scared

so afraid and ****** I'm worried

.

Honestly my hearts succumbed to his un-willful ways

but I can't fathom

once more being hurt

and I don't know if I even want to

yet I think I do.

So tell me help me please

explain

give advise and tell me

how do I say no when for many months now

he's been making me the center of

His Universe?!

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
This has a lot of cussing/swearing in it so if you're not into it or any other ****** language please do not read it thanks.
Nov 2013 · 1.6k
Sadly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ayeshah Nov 2013
Sadly I think of you & wonder if those green eyes remember me or if you think of me....
I bet you don't.
Do you miss me even a little bit...
I doubt you do or could care less,
I seen the affirmation in your wake of destruction,
to my home & very soul...

I'm sure your happy now since you've destroyed this home, stole and thought it'd be fun even funny, I hope the temporary satisfaction fills you in those lonely nights and days where I once use to dwell.

I pray my scent still lingers in the air where ever you go and all over your pillows, leaving you craving me and still yearning for my lustful touch, kisses and caress...

our legs entwining, our body's moving in sync, your green seductive eyes staring at me with love shinning through as you make me your lady, your life and someday maybe your could of been wife...
We shouldn't of ruined "that" because "that" was the best part of us.... Or so I keep trying to tell myself.
I cant forget or forgive you for the negative names that came out your mouth- towards me and they are so so unforgivable, yet because I love you and still care.

I guess, it's best for me to forgive some of the disrespectful ways and things you've said plus done to me & not just me but my children.

I hope your happy really I do, I feel if things were so completely different  we could of been steadfast in working things out.

I seriously miss your strong arm wrapped breathlessly and so very tightly around me, and that's ok, it's ok to miss you, to crave you and at times still need you.

I know that us being apart is for the best, least that's what I'm telling myself...

the healing I've allowed me to go through will one day help me think back on what we shared as a fond memory.

The growing that's taken place, tells me that, for me- my chapters not over and the pages that once were us sadly was a tragedy, but these new blank pages and those canvases over there are ready for me to start a new book and paint again....

Sadly thought I'm so used calling you when I have a issues problem or need a pick me up, sadly I'm used to going over & climbing in your bed, having you fill me up with your intensified love making.
And sweetly but sadly- how you used to hold me for no reason at all or even when you scooped me up right in the middle of walmart screaming "I LOVE YOU" as loud as you could...

I pray the next one you meet you realize that if she sticks around when your broke,broken and penniless, giving you all of her love as you lie and abuse and give reasons for your deceit that you hold on to her.
I pray you don't lie cheat or steal as you've done to me...

I was there if you'll recall, when no one else was, and would of still been if you didn't damage my home and my life or that of my children if you'd realize that, there was no need to play games with me to win...

There was no need to demand and abuse or lie and cheat, there was never a need to try to manipulate or any need for control not over me not with us,

no need to force my hand and or the love i carried with me every where, since it was you who always owned the key to my heart!

To those "green/hazel eyes" which haunt my days and wakes me from sleep with nightmares of what once was a beautiful tragedy of ..........................

um........................US!


(Sad­ly I miss you & sadly I still love you too)

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Oct 2013 · 1.3k
Tonight/This Morning.
Ayeshah Oct 2013
Tonight I felt loved like I've long since forgot existed,

It's been, it seems, like ages,
(10 years,8 months,2 weeks,4 days,12 hours,32 minutes,and 18sec!)

Since, since I've felt this or allowed myself  feel acceptance, or to allow my heart to fill up.

To be cherished even....

Tonight you slowly took your time...

You've given to me, it'd seem the missing pieces I've been needing...

I watched you watching me, as you'd listen to my history and without ever judging you've allowed a bridge to start being built.

You see long ago I knocked one down and I put up walls, I even made a levy in the hopes that no one would attempt crossing again to concur than once more destroy my heart and that of my trust, but tonight....

Oh tonight you listen, asked question's.

Purely from a longing to know me and not just about me,

but how I've come to be who I currently am...

I felt almost whole.

I was it seems, very in tuned with you,

as you shared your history with me, allowing me into a world of worlds,

I've only dreamed of.

Far away lands, I've only read in romance novels.

Yet you've actually lived it.

The magic I held of your homelands, never went away or filtered as you shared the ups and downs of your life and history... it's only made you that more enchanting to me.

It made me that more willing to share myself with you too.

Knowing of your trial and the burdens you too had faced made you seem even more real but still so very enchanting to me.

Oh tonight, you metaphorically sung to my soul and caressed my heart with the amount of trust and love you've encased around me.

After the hours past and each of us shared our history along with sob stories it seems we  solidified what we already knew; a bound not just of friends for life but it became more...

We have had this love for one another but the magnitude of us seem so over whelming as night became morning, you held me tight in your embrace, stroking my back and caressing my hair, expression the need for me to forever be with you and give to you all of me.

Mind ,soul,Heart, and body.

Spiritual love and acceptance all the days of what would be US.

You loved me, with each stroke, with each touch, with each word and syllable, with each caress, you've loved me.

I felt us joining, felt this morning- the bound we made turning into more than us becoming lovers or friends, as if you took me to wife and I've taken you as husband.

I feel foolish to even say such a thing,  because you know how it is at the present and i'ts so sorry I feel every time I leave.

Once here,  laying in bed, I think of all we've shared and things we given word to.

No one else even knows in such a short time we've consummated the idea's of US being everything we failed obtain from previous relationships.... of becoming more nor what it'll all now mean..,  I think of the tenderness you've engulfed all around me along with this shield of your protection, of your love.

Which shines brighter than a lighthouse or any other beacons.

I unthinkably touch myself,  automatically where your fingers have lingered on my skin, where your lips have traced, I find myself this morning longing for you to be with me.

Once more holding me to you as we semi sleep, I can still feel your movements as my body matched you stroke for stroke, and in awe plus yearning I let out a sigh.

I'm at peace.

With you I am home....  Yet right now my dilemma's a skinny yet hefty arm, which holds me firmly...  It feels so foreign to me now, the weight feels awards, as you know this is the same arm that's been holding another and made it a point caste me aside.

For this new assault, this new kind of manipulation(s) I feel a bit sick.

More disappointing too, knowing that it's not you.

I feel dishearten to be laying here thinking of the wonders we shared and to me I need not ever justify this love we've wrought...  yet laying here with him makes me feel sorry for our situation, It makes me feel more sorry for you.

To be placed in this as it is,  after we've cultivated this bound, this love so pure and so true.

A stark contrast to my mistreatment's by said same person & person(s) plus that of your abuse too...

I am scared and feeling very inadequate too.

I need you, and need us.

I'm vulnerable yet I wont falter on what we're allowing to take shape,  to root.

I also wont allow those roots to ever be dug up...  this is now our turn, our time.

This wont be our ending and no shame comes to me when it's about you,

about us becoming
WE!



Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Sep 2013
He said we'd be happy, in love- together forever.

His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was me waiting for a love that wasn't truly there, a loyalty that only I gave,
empty words- promised after your battery and being choked out.

His Forever was me with many lonely nights and calls of concerned &my; ears listening to you laughing,
saying "i love you woman" yet its not me you've said this to, that was,
10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago.

He said we'd communicate & work things out, be faithful, loyal and always devoted forever.
His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was me being an attentive house wife,mother to his children lover and intimate companion,friend, plus budget keeper and everything else he'd might of needed,
That was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His communication was speaking about me in a disrespectful way just to get sympathy from whom ever would sway his way
His communication was lying to me, lying to our children and everyone it'd seem- about everything,
from his wear about the newborn child and the money we, me & his children went with out,
we struggled when we never had to just so he could court a woman who apparently already has a man.

Sharing things with her and doting on her son, given her what should of been the promises he failed to keep with me.
His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,
Where he said he'd do anything in his power to make things better,
but that was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

For Better become For Worse after only 3 to 4 years of marriage.

Until Death Do Us Part, was the death of what could of been something magical.

His Through Sickness& In Health was carried out by his DWI, and me continuously~ standing,supporting him & sticking by.

Yet when I needed him and stuck in the hospital there was no through sickness or in health.

His Forsaking all other, well that was the year before 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

Within the first year everything seemed perfect the illusion's of what we or I've striven to achieve...
If you're confused that was, 11 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago.

I remember holding hands and laughing for sometimes no reason at all,
Walks in the park sometimes down the street just to enjoy each others company.
Laying in bed gazing into each others eyes,hands entwined.

Love letters handwritten of all the lustrous and love felt feelings expressed where words vocally couldn't express,
A wedding day that made him cry and i watched 1 single tear fall from his eye as he said I do.
He didn't and never been that type of man since.

Fist on my face, slapped down choked and ****** assault, lies and stealing what little i had,
jail became his best friend, where he learned to hone his abilities to deceive.

But truth is,
I blamed me for a lot of it until I realized I gave all I can and did my best.
It wasn't me it was him and i had to leave, taking the children with me.

I can say all in all I've learned a painful lessons...

I'm only sad it took me,
10 years,
8 months,
2 weeks,
4 days,
12 hours,
32 minutes,
and
18 sec!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Sep 2013 · 3.7k
SCARED!
Ayeshah Sep 2013
I'm SO Scared
...........

I'm scared
to love again,
the last few times I've allowed a man in my life,
it was lies cheating and so many fights,
I've given my all only to have so much of it fall apart.

I'm scared
more now than I've previously been,
I feel like its a faze like that honey moon thing,
3 months of bliss, sadly traded for 3 years of misery.

I'm scared
to trust you because lord knows I've trust the wrong fools,
those who'd say they longed for me & needed me,
but claimed the same things to her & her too.

I'm scared
to open up,
telling you all my secrets,
dreadful memories & histories of horrible abuse,
at the hands of my exes & foster care
plus
such things from my present & more of my past,
things
I'd never share with anyone again- if I can help it,
because
it's been shared before,
with others & I've been let down and laughed at, treated badly .
had it used against me too.
I'm scared because,
secrets
were used to inflict harm,
used to make me feel ashamed...

I'm scared
to once again share intimate moments,
because I've been put down and shunned,
treated like a *****, instead of a girl-friend or wife,
I've heard how she's so much better,
how I've supposedly failed to please,
yet in my bed he's claimed he'd wish to be.

I'm scared
to be loyal because he's turned on me,
my abilities to forgive after all the un-loyal things that's been done to me,
the unfaithful ways he's shared his life with others,
the lies he's told on me while claiming to others,
how
I'm always the excuses & reason
his cheating & actions, were justified.

I'm scared
you'd do this too and I can't ever again take the hurt or lies.

Even though
I'm scared
to open up & scared to trust,
or  to be loyal and devoted...

Still scared,
but I'm not giving up,
I'm still refusing to believe that this time around,
it'll be the same as it was when I was with him & my last ex.
I believe heartedly that you'll be different then all of my exes.

You'll be given to me what they've refused,
I seen the way you
look at me and how dedicated you've been towards me,
Even my girls like you way better then him.

You've shown me what patients really looks like,
showed too how you'd treat me as your friend and as your lady,
You've listened and given great advise.

Sharing your deepest history and allowing me always to just be me,
You've lifted me up and haven't put me down,
laughing with me and making me smile,
You've danced with me in the pouring rain.

It's early still and we know the honeymoon faze will end,
but I'd like it to last for as long as it can
I actually loved
our first fight because
you expressed your desires to set things right,
You didn't accuse me nor point a finger,
being so attentive and so very soothing.

You say you love me
and
want the best for me
plus you have even shown me
your word's hold true.
So even though
I'm scared
I'm ready and willing,
Happily I'll continue to take this leap of faith with you,
because you've given me the same chances and made it a point to improve,
You're betting it all on me
and
intrusting me with your heart,
I believe its only fair that I too intrust you with mines...

Put faith into your actions
and
believe you
because you've given your solemn word,
to love me and take care of us,
I know too that you do love me and I love you too!

I know it wont be easy and I know we got a negative past in each of our history's,
but like you said;

as long as we're honest and dedicated to each other,
no matter what may come, things will keep getting better...


Sooner or later, despite my pstd, bi polar and d.i.d.
I'll see, because you'll keep showing me,
that there will be no more reason for me to be
SCARED!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Apr 2013
I step up to the curtains
they weren't open yet,
but I could hear the melody of the music
and
I listen curiously,
as
the man performing before me spoke,
he used words to address me as a
Afrocentric --Soultress
with a little bit of Boriqua aurora ,
I bow my head and laugh.
The curtains lift as I walk out & up
I open my mouth softly
I tells of lovers wrapped entwined entangled
as
sheets become hiding places as lips taste of honey
from valleys of lustrous milky--juices
from a our oasis
of ******* *******,
and
overflowing valleys fill to the
brink with sweets raunchiness hehehe...
I step to the right to
look at the crowd
making sure they get the effect of how he tasted
as
I hold the mic
I gentle massage it
while motioning
to a man sitting right in front,
he licks his lips
and
I then turn my head to my left
addressing
the parties sitting right up front on my left,
I speak to them of the swells of his back and how
my nails dug deep as he enter me swiftly
with his Mandingo shaft...
how his blue eyes seeped into my brown eyes
while
he drove deeper inside of my mahogany velvet box,

a women in front crossed her legs tightly
and
wiggled in her seat,
I bow my head so I don't laugh,
I watch the center crown as
I explain how he  the man with this enormous
Mandingo ****
stuffs it down my throat
and
I **** him in choking as he trys to insert it deeper,
I'm lavishing up every bit of his essence, 
 the couple in the center hold hands even tighter
and
look at each other with a shared memory.
I flow with the music softly slowly
I connect with each member of my audience,
sharing with them the way he bent me over his stool inside
his photo lab
and
kissed between my cheeks as he spread me open
and
softly fingered my ***
while using the other to finger to lavishly assault
my chocolate velvety muffin,
as
I moaned he readily spread me,
telling me as he moved in front of me saying be still,
he tied me up to this tall stool, the crowd leans in
as if ready to hear the next verse,
I give in after a moments pause,
sharing with them how he spread my legs
and
tied them right after he spread
my hands on each leg of his stool.
In his photo lab he lubed up moving his hand up
&
down
his light skinned shaft,
I watched
and
longed for him to touch me again,
the radiance crowd
sitting on my left seemed
to be thinking as I did,
"is he going to stuff his **** back inside my mouth,"
I speak again
seeing how their all
longing to know he did in fact slowly 
walk up to me, lifting my head and saying open up baby,

I did as I was told,
the man sitting in the shadows
on my left
seems
to be stroking his **** as
I proceed to explain in poetic
****** verses
of this tall
high--yellow
black man
with the
blue eyes,
he seems in tuned
so I keep speaking of how
I licked his shaft
then allowed him to slowly meticulously
push
his **** inside my mouth
and
slowly pull out again .
I tell the audience how he ***** my mouth first slowly and then like a beast, he was ready to explode I explain how he grabs the head and stops him self from *******,

I get an
"Ah'awe"
from all the men in the audience
and
I laugh..
but
continued to explain
how he didn't want to just yet...
poetically
I explain how
he wanted to ready me for his assault
on my sweet *****,
using words to describe it ;
like mahogany rose buds or petals.
Explaining
how his Mandingo shaft
would be his weapon...
They seem eager to know more,
I tell a tale of how this light skinned brotha had me tied and teased me in his photo lab,
explaining how he pulled out a ***** just
as big as
his manhood was
and
while eating me he slide it inside of me
as
I quivered and shook he'd stop,
it seemed right when I was about to ***,
he seem to laugh out loud at my misery,
he knew just what he was up to, the audience seemed to get deathly quite,
seems even the music died
as explained the rough treatment I received at the hands of this blue eyed light skinned devil
of a man,
He licked me even at timed used his fingers along with this *****,

I explained to my audience
how he stopped his assault
on me as he slide his Mandingo up and down
my *** teasing my *******
putting the tip of his head in and then taking it out,
I told them how he finally stopped for a second,
then he entered my *** with the ***** and slide his 12" ****
deep inside my ***** causing me to cry out,
I tried to stop him but my hands were tied and that of my ankles as well,

and

he moved with such force and swiftness
I couldn't utter a word,
the more he moved the more
my body betrayed me as it heated up
from the inside out as
if he ignited something new and longing within me
he moved fast and ferociously in and out of me in sync
with the enormous ***** until
I myself was begging for him not to stop,
I
poetically
spoke memories & fantasies out loud,
letting my audience
know how
I
came so close to a ****** I've never ever got to feel or come close to feeling again,
I acted as if there was more but I then kissed the mic and walked off stage ....
  
  Another
Story
perhaps
another night
&
I'll
KISS THE MIC!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
**All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Apr 2013
It's getting late.
We've ran around
all day and he knew from
the time
I called him
early this morning,
how much I wanted to be with him,
I
doubt he took me serious
when
I
told him after
I
get out of class we would
head back to his place...
I
called him on my break
and
told him
I
would be seeing him soon,
he sort of giggled like yeah right
"
Brooklyn"....
I
worked on my assignments
but
my mind was else where.
As
I
typed on my school PC,
I
thought of how good
he'd
feel inside of me
and
I
began to feel myself heating up,
getting a bit wet
between my thighs...
As soon as I could;
I
rushed out of my seat,
down the steps
and
to my car,
doing my best to keep my speed
about
80 mphs.
I
picked him up
just as he got off
the city bus.
He jumps in my car
--
kisses me
on my cheek,
I
couldn't think
my mind was wishing
he'd
kiss me everywhere.
Hi
I
said breathlessly,
he stares at me
with
them beautiful eyes
and
says hey babygirl...
I
love when he calls me that.
We
rush to finish all we had to do
and
once at his place
he cooks
trying to do his best
to
feeds everyone.
While
he's attending to dinner,
I
rush in and out the shower.
I
run to his room
and
wait
--
I'm
ready, heated
and
prepared...
I
lie naked on my back watching out his window
I can feel him enter the room as I'm
staring at a dusky yellowish setting sun.
I
can feel him in the doorway,
his eyes are glazing
over my body...
For a split second
I
feel vulnerable,
weak even.
This
deep
longing
takes over
and
like a she-wolf
I
leap up as if by magic
off his bed.
He's ready for me,
He giggles
knowingly,
and
pushed me down,
He holds me there
as
he lifts my legs up around his shoulders.
He
barres his face in between my thighs.
*******, licking
I
moan so loud,
I
think the neighbors can hear me...
Oh well
he doesn't stop,
only moans out
I LOVE YOU
while his tongue dances
in & out of me,
then
around
my *******.
He's teasing me
--
it's building up...
He
knows
I'm about to burst
--
he's ready for me,
as soon as
I
cry out
he lifts
his head up,
I
arch my pelvis
up to meet his
hard, long, thick,
solid ****,
he slows me down
--
literally
picks me up off
the bed...
In one swift motion,
he's deep inside of me,
I'm airborne,
lifted into
his protective strong arms,
his muscle aren't even taunt
as
he allows me to grind
while he moves
in & out of me,
along with me,
like we're racing
--
trying to beat each other
but somehow we match stroke for stroke...
as my ****** breaks
he's
moving deeper.
I'm ready to burst again.
He watches me
as
he leans over my abdomen;
he caresses my *******,
He takes off his wire frame
glasses.
He looks at me with them eyes
that can melt your soul.
I
feel the warm vapor
of his breath nestling on
my neck..
He licks
in
between
the hollows of my neck,
leaving trails
of his wondrous kisses
down the valley of my cleavage,
******* one
breast
then the other,
moving onward to my *******,
all
the while hes pumping
in and out of me..

"
Oh OOOoo mmm Ahhhh ooOoOo "
I cry out
--
as
his **** becomes ramrod.
I
close my eyes
feeling him stretch me
his rough treatment
turns me on even more,
I
can feel my ***** becoming wetter,
Feeling his **** penetrate deeper than before,
I'm so wet I feel myself over-flowing.
My ***** aching for him to stop but I'm not ready to give up..
We
pause,
then wait for a few seconds...
Our
breathings so hard,
we're gulping for air..
whilst his ***** nestles inside
my quivering ***** ,
my *****
tighten around his ****,
as
I'm listening to
him breathe.
We share a look
--
I'm ready just as he is...
his muscle become taunt
as
he
rigorously
&
vigorously
lifts me like weights
up & down,
while he moves
in and out of me
--
slamming into me
I
feel myself
swells as he fills me up
so completely
with his hard ramrod shaft..
so deep is he
--
I
can't talk, moan or breath,
only whimpers of moans
rant
the sunset evening sky...
softly at first; then
I
finally call out
his name
and
scream: *
yes yes yes O'Yessss
He grunts
and
moans watch
so
I
look down at his priapic ****,
as
I
watch
--
my mind plays a little trick on me
and
I
imagine it entering me
at a magnificent speed,
I'm turned on even more
while watching
this assault on my *****,
while
he continuously thrusting fast,
deep
and
so **** hard
I
can barely
take anymore.
I
watch
and
imagine it entering with
the force of the
explosion.

TO BE CONTINUED.......
maybe another day like;
"April's Fools"
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Feb 2013 · 862
Don't Look at me!
Ayeshah Feb 2013
Did I imagine the look in your eyes?

Did I dream this,

terrible falsehood you've projected me to see?

How can you mean all you've said,

clearly with out speaking?

There  was something in your eyes.

Something we both know you'd rather me see,

but

yet you've failed to fathom a word...

Please don't say it,

I already know what your looks mean...

she's longing  for you,

someone you need & she's important to you,

more than me...

I'm no longer important...

Please just walk out,

leave us be, my children don't need to know

or

see what I've just seen....

Keep going on out my front door,

don't hurt me with this look,

like I've done the dirt.

When you know it's been you all along...

I can even smell her on you,

Go on & start your new life,

Your eyes speak to me

where words can't express,

the magnitude of your deceit

&
I'm sicken because if it...

ashamed & a mess...


When you looked at me,

I should of known this look

  for I've seen it before.

Never did I imagine,

I'd see you look to me with such a look,

not ever again.

Stupid me;

I've forgiven you once...


I thought this was a dream,

I even pinched myself,

but

it's real, it true,
the look tells me

I am destined to walk on

as

your new life begins & the dreams

and

promises you've given  ends,

I've seen this look before and it tells me,

You're looking for more,

but not from me,


not with me...


no not from me.

I guess love isn't in the stars for me,

and

I wish you well on your journey.

Just leave me alone
&
don't look at me anymore!

My heart can't take-

what isn't being said...

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah May 2012
He used to paint my nails.

He'd paint em

pinks reds and orange

he'd paint them blue

sometimes too

mostly black.

He'd make tiny daisy

flowers all around.


He used to put lipstick

on me

he'd trace my  out lip line

he'd use

black or brown liner

making them fuller

he'd tell me

they need to look fuller.


He use to dress me up

he'd get fishnet thigh highs

he'd have me step into

a mini dress

made of synthetic leather

zebra prints all around.


He'd follow with

a black tight

leather half shirt

gloves long and white

always would follow.


He use to do my hair

he'd comb front to back

for 45mins

it'd shine and glow

falling off my shoulders

cascading down my back

it almost touched my ****.


He used to put me in heels

he'd picked always the reds

I didn't like these red heels

I stood almost to his chest.


He used to tell me

to dance.

He'd say move my

hips like this

in a circular motion.


He'd say stand

  in the middle

on the dinning

room table

dance for me

he'd say
dance
for poppop.


He use to touch me

when I danced

He used to

touch himself too

I cried.


He'd become meaner

He'd say don't

make me punish you

I felt punished already.


He'd get undress

I'd cry louder

begging him not to.


He's slapped

my face

I always fell

I'd stand up

fast or he'd

hit me again.


He'd lay me on the table

keeping me trapped

in the middle

he'd fill me every night

I'd cry

He'd laugh.


*He use to paint my nails.

(until my birth father shot him)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Apr 2012 · 980
I'm Glad!
Ayeshah Apr 2012
I am glad
he doesn't love -
with his  silky tongue
for
his words can dangle
forever in my veins
like an infectious cold,  
tearing away at my heart
while my mind tries to forget all the things
he's never saying

I'm glad
he never tells me he loves me,
my  heart,
my soul
or
my face
nor
my body,
the lie
would mean
he care and has feelings
that
I have known weren't ever there.

I'm glad  
he doesn't say
he  longs for me
like he longs & loves
the sun,
or
good food & flowers.

I'm glad  
he ignores my plea as I beg him  
to finally treat me with a semblance
of respect
because
it'd mean
he wants this to work,
I'm more realistic...
I know it never will or can.

I'm glad
he leaves my side after making me ***,
because it'd mean
he wants more than my body...  
I know he's not ready to commit
or
open his heart,
not to me anyways.
I'm glad
he doesn't look too deep into my eyes,
because
he'd see that I'm so broken and lonely
&  
he'd see the crippling pain
he causes each and every time
he walks out...  
I'm so glad
he doesn't notices a thing.
- If that's true,
why do I hear in me
tears dripping
like winter falling leaves?
hmm?*
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Dec 2011 · 1.0k
Take Your Word!
Ayeshah Dec 2011
Take your word..
You say.   But  She took Your word when
you told her- you loved her the most
in this world. She's your lady & baby girl.  You  gave ya word to her   when you told her your so in love and no other will do!
Not me nor anyone can replace her- remember you gave her ya word- huh?
hmm TAKE your word for it ?  You gave ya word to her and told her you'd do anything to please her! 
but  now I must-
 Take your word... ??
When You told her I'm nothing to you at all.
Your not in a good place right now  &  only she can pull you out!
Your missing her so much.
  You wish she was here  because your craving her touch.
& you keep on begging me to-
Take your word.....
When you've told her, her and her,  you have to stay because  your trapped.
didn't you tell  her this girl in that 1 - I'm not healthy+
I'm in a bad state-
( of mind because my mental psychosis ain't right)
  which is why you can't leave me  right now?!
This you say- Take your word...
When you telling
em  I'll never be as good as them.  (this girl or that  other woman) 
 You can't wait until your free.
Your playing pretend with me but they're  (her, she and them)  is really where you want to be?
Take your word.......
When once again
after you've lied stole and cheated
&
emotionally beat the love right out of me-
Yet you want me to
Take your word?!?  
I took your word: 
 when YOU vowed to
forsake all others  when you promised  to
love me in sickness& in health, for better & worst-  
WHEN YOU
asked me to love you forever  
and
if I'd do just that  (take ya word)  
YOU'D  "show" me
I could once more trust you or as you said  
(take your word) & you'll give me all of you
1000%,
take ya word
on everything & it'll be us, me & you, through thick or thin
and you'd "show" me 
 I could believe in you once again too, that if
I take ya word-
you'll bring the faith I had in you- back to me,
"IF"
  I'd take ya word  
YOU'D save me from your past neglects and FINALLY love me best!
   "IF "
I'd take ya word  - You'd never abuse, misused, or deceive me EVER again!  
SEE
that's the problem,
I did
TAKE YOUR WORD
&
TOOK
you back even after all this...  
NOW I don't want to hear it...
  Ya words  hurt me...  
SEE
I was ya choice but never was I  1st!  
Never
did I have 1st dibs
& for you,
it was easy picking
when you got hungry unscrupulous ***** nasty type chicks after you! 
 I was never number #1
I was just  1 of many   you played & used!
Yo your words ain't ****.  
Take MY word(s)  & listen good :
I can't and  I  wont do this to myself nor allow
you to
******* abuse me
NO MORE,
I'm to good for you and this here mess!
BOY  Ya WORD and words no longer mean ****!
DEUCES!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright © Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®*
..
I've once more been put into a place i really dont want to be, Life's complicated enough with out all the bull'ish! I love me more than you all can ever imagine and i now think i dnt know what love is cuz i doubt this is IT!  yet... i stayed this long for nothing! im a fool of the 1st kind!
Dec 2011 · 981
MYSELF!
Ayeshah Dec 2011
I conflicted you,
confused you,

I never meant to
but you see baby

I'm defective from past
and
present abuse

misused,
mistreatment,
misdeeds,
misconceptions

recreated into what you
see
before you,

an
explosive mindless mess.

I should of got help

before
letting you in...
Should of
fixed me before
we began

but
you see papi

I didn't want to,
because
it'd mean
letting you go
for another to ****** up.

Ooh no
I could never have that,
so
I hide my pain-

until we fought and I blamed you
when it was never even your fault,

I tried to drown you in my anguish,

causing you
to become a beast instead of man!

took away your self-esteem
making you into what I believed

I wanted,

believed
I needed-  
to become a better me.

See papi

I thought if you did all
I asked and laid in my bed-

things from my past would cease to exist.

I thought once we became as one
you'd pick up the burden of

my broke heart mend me
and
fix what once was lost,

help me to become better even
thou
I never knew what was yet best
for me...

I let you in,
when
I was wounded
and
while war was raging in my head...

All
I needed was you
in my bed-
inside of me
pumping nothing but deceit
as we consummated
a lie,
a dream,
unrealistic fantasies
and
things that could never be
but still
I held on turning

you into -
what others have turned me to
too.

Letting you
think your the only one
when
I had him them and those three.

I could never love you
because at the end of the day
I barely *******

loved myself!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Dec 2011 · 1.2k
COM3!
Ayeshah Dec 2011
Come to me,
*** with me.
fall into lust
as our
love consumes us,
let me ride you...
Like
tidal-waves
you crash into to me...
Gently
so gently
your filling me,
filling me
until I cry out
begging you to stop
yet
wanting so much more.
*** for me,
come to me.
Holding on,
holding me
tight
mmhmm
tighter...
The
weight of you
all on me
has
me feeling
so
protective,
loved, cherished,
treasured,
accepted
and
so wanted...
Come to me,
*** with me.
Your
kisses trailing
over my body
making me dizzy
leaving me breathless..
*** for me,
come to me.
I
yearned for you too long now,
my body's calling
for more
and
my hungers overflowing.
*** with me,
come to me.
Open
me and play within
like
hide and seek,
the keys deep within.
Kiss me
here-  slide farther....
now kiss me there.
*** for me,
come to me.
I
have a notion to pretend,
role play
and
change this tryst into a romantic
randevú.
I need you.
I'm  begging you
Please
I'm
longing
and
wanting
you....
Meet
me in our bedroom.
let's
retrace our steps,
repeat
what's
recently transpired-
Come to me
*** for me!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Nov 2011 · 688
LIES!!!!!
Ayeshah Nov 2011
Understanding......
He looked at her
breathing calmly
She gazed hurtfully into
His green-brown hazel eyes
saying nothing of the lie he was hiding.

The truth was she had already knew

Forgiveness.......
She wanted to forgive him
Needed to believe  the lies
He spoke softly
whispering silken words
as He confessed

He'd never betray her trust again.

Another lie..........
She breaks  down intensely
yet silently
Her souls cracked
Her hearts in pieces
He has no clue.

Ashamed........
His touch scorches her skin
as He placed His lying
hands upon her arm

Unyielding.......
His deceit cages Her in
She'll never be the same
His game is to concur Her
undoing Her with His words like fist
He's pounded her into
submission over and over again
She lives only for his bidding.

Life's gone.......
The bottles empty
Jack Daniels and hydro-co-done
with a few Ib-profane 800 mls
Drowning in a pool of her own blood-
wrist cut.

Dying..................
She fished what the pills may not have
She cradles her womb knowing no life with
be brought fourth
because tonight She
finally had enough
abuse
and
LIES!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright (c) Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Oct 2011 · 1.4k
Lover's Brew!
Ayeshah Oct 2011
I remember the first ingredients
to our lover's brew -
desire & passion
was the basics ingredients,
He already had the spice of
"want" & a dash of "need"
copiously he trailed rainfalls of kisses
down my body.
Until he reached my valley of milk & honey,
He opened me slowly, meticulously so- placing one finger inside as his tongue danced across my *******.
Causing me to reach my hands down pulling his hair, trying to pull his head closer deeper as my body melted to him.
Contumaciously
He rejected my urgency...
reaching my hands he held both with just one of his own keeping me in place as he administered his lustful assault on my person, my mind froze as my body ****** hips first before he let go my hands then wrapping both hands around my thighs.
Holding me tightly while making me cry out his name over & over...
He knew I was ready, wet & sleek.
He's hard solid & ready but I rush to taste him he only allows me to for a second then he bends me over my *** facing his **** he doesn't enter me- he once more licks & ***** my ******* then my tongues my ***.
Causing a new sensations...
right before my body explodes he slams into me swiftly, my moan dies as my cries of more rant the morning air.
He's moving so vigorously- blending sensual amounts of harmonic tones of his own moans and whimpers in my ear as he ****** harder but oh so gentle like he was a drummer & his throbbing ****- a solid 10" hard hitting drum is now beating  in & out of me,
He was so energetic without rules or reasoning to pleasuring me so immensely he never noticed the door bell ringed..
Oh well, my legs began to shake as he holds my hips he moves in- pushing deeper,
retracting slowly then again- he slams inside of me...
from behind me he pulls my hair while his other hands is placed  on the small of my back, I'm convulsing like I'm having an epileptic reaction- my ******* rapture causes me to fall in a heap upon our bed.
These are the ingredients to our
Lover's Brew!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Apr 2011 · 1.1k
*FORGIVEN!*
Ayeshah Apr 2011
I gots
my hair wrap on,

b'cuz

I
just finished

doing/sewing in
my  own
weave.

Did my own nails
and feet
too.

I got too many
mouths to feed


Ain't got time to go
to a shop.


He's
staring at me
tonight.

I got on
my cut off sweats
and
my tank-top.

I watch him too
as
I walk to the kitchen....

I stop
&
focus on my task...


Bacon ,eggs, bread

and

homemade orange juice.


I look over again

and

I noticed the look
on his face,
as
I reach
for
2 eggs...

He stands up
&
walks over to me....

Looking at him
as
he approaches
sends shivers
down my spine,


I unwind- reminded
of this mornings event.
He wants to touch me

but
drops
his hand

and

the tears
that
start to role down
my face
leaves me feeling dazed.
Crazed!

I walk past him
and
smell
the pan burning.

Burning
away my

uncried
wales....

The pain

The hurt

The deeds been
done.


This morning

I felt new beginnings
while life swept away....

Unforgiving.

It's 8pm
time to go to bed,
sleep eludes me
as
I star blankly
up at this movie,

I allow.......
Him
to cook and finish
what
I started.

He's watching me again.

I want to pretend that
I don't notice
but
my voice
get choked
as
I tell him
I did what

to
me is unforgiven.

He
tells me I'm sorry,
it's for the best.
I cry out
No
it's just best for YOU!
....
O'PLEASE

forgive me

if I don't believe you.
I throw my wedding ring
at him
saying

I no longer want it!!!

NO......Not
after this morning.
I feel my *******
getting wet,
It's not what you think..

&
I know its time
to
change
my **** pad,

He
looks at me as
I run to the
bathroom.........

I'm sitting
here
on a toilet
as
he's
repeating
his plea
to forget
&
forgive.


It's now
8:48 pm

I wash up
&
come out....

I tell him
I loved you
But.......
To
abort
his seed,
my eggs
"I"
can
never
be..........

Forgiven!

Always Me Ayeshah


Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Mar 2011 · 905
Imperfectly Me!
Ayeshah Mar 2011
I AIN'T EASY & IT TAKES A LOT TO PLEASE ME,
I DO WHAT I WANT & HOW I PLEASE,

PLEASE DON'T DICTATE TO ME,
DON'T TELL ME HOW I MUST BE,
I'M FIRE & ICE,

I'M-HEARTS BROKEN MENDING ON FENCES.....

I'M A LADY WHO KNOWS  JUST WHAT SHE WANTS
AND

ITS UP TO ME TO FULFILL MY DREAMS....
BE A REAL MAN OR LEAVE ME BE!

*DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY SULTRY WALK
OR
WHO MY LEGS PART FOR- IT'S RARE
AND HE MUST
LOVE ME MORE THAN LIFE IT SELF,


I'M NOT MEANT
TO SIT UP ON A SHELF.....

DON'T THROW ACCUSATIONS MY WAY
WITH OUT FACTUAL PROOF,

WHAT I DO IN MY OWN HOME
CAR & OR BED ROOM
DOESN'T CONCERN YOU!

LABEL ME BOLD BLACK SOULFUL
& OH SO PECAN PUERTO RICAN'LY BEAUTIFUL

IF YOU MUST LABEL
ME AT ALL!

DON'T ASK MY NEIGHBOR
CUZ
I'M NOT AFRAID
TO TALK OR FACE YOU.....

GOSSIPER
SPEAK UP
AND

NOT BEHIND MY BACK,
I WORKED FOR MY SHARE
AND
I DON'T HAVE TO
PUT ON AIRS OR AN ACT.


CALL ME A ****,

A ***** OR *****

HA HA HAA HAA....

THINK ABOUT ME .....

YEAH

YOU MUST
CUZ
YOUR LIVES SUCH A BORE!

DON'T WORRY ABOUT
WHAT MY KIDS ARE MIXED WITH
AND WHY  THEY GOT GOOD HAIR!!!!


IT AIN'T YOUR BUSINESS
IF THEIR PLAYING
ON THE LAWN,

LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE
OR YOU'D
BE ****** HARMED.

YOUR WATCHING
MY HOUSE

& WATCHING ME  LIKE A HAWK.....

STALKING ME FROM ACROSS
THE STREET,

IM SURE YOUR IN YOUR
WINDOW WATCHING
TRYING TO SEE....

IMAGING ME

AS YOU BEAT YA MEAT,
SHE'S
ACROSS FROM ME TOO
TRYING TO SEE-

ALL THE WHILE
PLAYING WITH

HER BULLET
VIBRATING TOOL....

SADLY YOUR HATING ME
BUT WISHING

YOU
WERE JUST LIKE ME!

A LINGUISTICALLY - LIONESS.....
BUT YOUR YOU
& I'M
IMPERFECTLY ME!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2011
He stroked my cheek and caressed my back,



looking deep into my eyes.





I felt the heat between us ignite.....



We rushed head long into to this romance....



Silly me for not stomping on the breaks....



He touched me softly slowly as he positioned me to fit his throbbing manhood.



My mind screamed yes as my heart floated above me..



He  was skillful in seduction,



doing everything yet hardly anything to cause me to fall prey to his ministrations.



As he moved in me deeply I felt something within us changing,



something to this day I can't name.



I became his yet he drifted away,



was it what we were doing that had him pulling back as I held on?



We moved as one yet his soul seemed to dance away from me as his spirit teased me..





He had said it to me long ago but this night as we made our self belong to each other



I knew he meant it when he told me He loves me and only me,



moving in and out of me holding me so tight.



His breath on my neck as my cries fade& become muffled his chest.





Faster and faster yet he never stops caressing me touching me.....



He flips me over on my stomach opening my wet bx entering swiftly my body tenses and I moan into the pillow.



We're no longer making love



his is war & it seems our bodies the battle field as we slammed and mash together.



More and more the heat rises between us and he pulls me closer, holding so tight as I scratch his back and succumb to his will.



As my body floats away



all is erased and I come down from my ****** .......



Reality is :



He loves the physical of us but does he love US as a whole?





I'm laying here after the battle is won by him & he's done with me.



He  leaves me to go play Xbox  or maybe with "her" box & I can't help but think. ...



What'll happen when I finally confront him....



Laying my wants & NEEDS  for us out on the table



but he stay out & I fall asleep.



Trust me.................................



This Isn't OVER!





ALWAYS ME AYESHAH
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2010
He makes me smile when
all I want to do is cry at times.

He makes me wonder
how did I become so blessed,

even thou I been
blessed a long time ago,
I just didn't know,

joy burst forth from my lips
as a giggle escape cause of
something he recently did!

He makes me stay on my toes
& he makes me feel so whole,

love isn't ever pose to hurt
but I hurt'ed mightily for him
& for him too,

to think I went through it all
and came out clean,
refreshed & brand
spanking NEW!

He makes me smile
&
He makes me laugh!

The power of children
&
a mothers love can
do wonders
for your soul!

it's a gift God
'can only give-  
Twins!

Always me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Dec 2010 · 689
(B)irthday !!!!
Ayeshah Dec 2010
born Dec 16 2010  Induced  early  cuz of complications but healthy and has all fingers & toes will be here until lungs mature more and weights gained amount needed to go home. sore but happy . no names will be listed if you want to know more please email me and i will send pictures and the rest of information to you (Friend's ONLY) thank you all for being strong for me when i wasn't and for supporting me through all this! i also have a  guy that im talking to he was there while Christopher Cartwright wasn't(the father)  he's a big help and its so weird that our bound and friendship is as strong as it is, it & k helps that we grew up in the same neighborhood  & knew each other threw other family members and friends. My sister on my dad side is so happy and im happy for her!  I have no regrets and I'm happy, just sad alil bit that its over ...i got em out safely then again its a bit tooo early/ pray for em and ty for all the well wishes and support.  i need to rest now its going to be a long day! LOVE YOU ALL TO MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.
*Always me Ayeshah*
Ayeshah Dec 2010
She studied him ,while not really letting him
know she was checking him out
He was looking at her  bluntly
showing her he was looking
& checking her out too
As He crossed the room
to go turn on the stereo.,
She studied him closely
Noticing ; He looked
Afrocentric and so exotic
His Muscular ****** Body
worked to a hue of perfection.,
Honey Skin,Silk waves combed just right
so the light caught the red high lites
He probably didn't even know. he had
His face seemed sculptured
molded in pure model like form
****** hair shaved like he was working for GQ
Magazine Breath taking'ly Handsome.,
She held her breath as he looked up at her
he winked and pointed to the song playing
on the stereo
All she could do was nod her head in agreement.
He saw in the mirror how
she was looking secretly at him
or so she was lead to think,
He too was doing the same thing
Checking out this Beautiful Hypnotic Queen
The legs and hour glass shape was what 1st caught
his eye but the smile she gave
sent chills down his spine
the way she moved
so gracefully
like she was walking on air
made him feel weak kneed
Her Hair flowing in its natural state
curly and hanging down on her shoulders
giving her a heart shape looking face
he could run his hands in it but not just yet,
The feelings she in golfed
in him made him forget
what they was supposed to be doing
Studying for their law exam.
They didn't have to speak,
It seem the silences
would become a special communication.
Like in oasis the desert
the silence was a balm giving peace and respite
from the world
were words could become meaningless
sounds masking the emotions and abrading the senses.
These silences were uplifting ; a type of intimacy with-out
touching..,
Looking in His eyes and not saying a word
in harmony with each other
holing onto the memories of unspoken desires
casting off the shadows of doubt,
He don't need to enter her flesh
when just being there next to her was a gift
Cherished & treasured,
This was such a different kind of love.
She's looking in his eye's Silently
caressing him
Mind blowing thoughts shared
even as words were unspoken,
eye contact promised everything
Didn't need no words
when you're mentally
emotinally and
soon to be phycially connected
And then He Smiles.
His eyes light up
He has beautiful eyes
the thickest longest lashes
she had ever seen on a man
His light eyes became lit from
within and a feeling of sunshine
filled the room.
Because of her He was able to smile again
let the laughter in
Because of him she was able to trust
open up again.
And all this was done
With out a word!
Always me Ayeshah
written Saturday, December 23, 2006
© 2010
Dec 2010 · 821
You Said
Ayeshah Dec 2010
You said

You'd be my Baby,Never try to play me,

Temptation's  got to your head

Love was just a word ,

Caught up in the moment

Didn't Mean a word you said

Romance just a thing of the past

Possibility's of you & me

The life we could of had..,

You Said,

You'd never leave me

I not knowing you deceived me..

Whats going on in your head

Told me I'm ya one and only  

than left me lonely

I'm hurting so badly

Thinking of all you said to me

Got me Always guessing

what you might be doing

And

who you doing it to...,

You said i was ya Lady

I must be going

CRAZY  

Thought you'd save me  

from pain and abuse

The normal thing's

I'm used to,

But

your doing it too  

Baby your  pose to be my destiny.

Look what you've done to me !


You said

You'd be My Papi  

Now you trying to knock me  

Make me less than i am

I thought you was my man

You Said

You got me  

That I'm all you want & need


Got me crying & weeping

in a heap  with grief

pain and disbeleaf.


You Said

There was no other  

Now your taking

Application's for lover's!


You Said,


I was the best

now she's laying  on ya Chest

Claiming ya body

touching whats pose to be Mines

My Papi

My Baby

My Man....

It must be a bad dream

A night mare


I got to find peace

&

try to understand you.

From what I let you do to me,

I believed in all you told me

As you laid with me ,

While i let you hold me,

You Said

So so many thing's

They were just word's ..

still i want(ed)  to be with you,

Lord

I'm so confused ..

You said,

All I wanted to hear

My Baby

Papi

I gave in to you

I can't believe you'd

hurt me

Not like this..


You said you wouldn't

THEN

Showed me you

the truth about you...,

But

believe me

I will always remember

all the thing

YOU SAID!

(Thursday, March 1, 2007)

Always me Ayeshah
© 2010
Dec 2010 · 1.5k
EVERY TIME.......
Ayeshah Dec 2010
Every time

We talked

He'd ask me what I thought

Once

He hooked & bated me

He'd send flowers and a card

Every time*

He made love to me and finished off 1st

He's send flowers & a card

Every time

He'd kiss me

When I was feeling at my worst

He'd send flowers & a card

Every time

He told me he loved me & not "her"

He'd send flowers & a card

Every time

He'd stayed out late or came home the next day

He'd send flowers & a card

This time with candy in a box

Every time

He lied & i fall for him again

He'd send flowers candy & a card

This time

with a teddy bear holding the card

Every time

He'd  choked & yelled at me

Then  stormed out

He'd come back with flowers candy a teddy bear & a card

This time on his knees asking me to marry him

Of-course I said yes

Every time

He'd blame me when it was his fought

He'd say how sorry he was

with flowers candy box teddy bears
& a card

This
time he asked me to give him a baby

Natural *


I did giving him  more then one

Every time

He'd *hit
me and tell me to shut my mouth

He'd come back with candy boxes  flowers teddy bears & a card

Promising not to do it again

Obviously

He never kept his promises

& started adding necklaces to those other gifts

Every time

for the longest time

He'd send me

candy boxes, flowers, teddy bears rings necklaces, & cards

Every time

He went to my grave



He'd send


flowers


a tear


&


a card

EVERY   TIME.

(until it was my last time)*

Always me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Dec 2010 · 1.1k
If You Was My Man!
Ayeshah Dec 2010
Baby hear me out please,

I want to say something to you:
I'm in love with you,

I'm holding hope up and wishing you'd grab the rope...

Let me be the one........

I want to commit to you,

live & die- - growing old
with you

but your too scarred to see..

As soon as I confessed loving you..,

It seemed you shut down.....,

Physically your still there

But you mentally went some where..

Your hiding your soul

and

I can't bare climbing over  

the walls you made....

Trying to reach

what seems impossible,



NO NOT THESE ONES YOU BUILT

there to high to reach

I'm ah fall
&I; hope you catch me....

Being with you..

It's like medicine for my heart & food to my soul.

You left it up,
from the moment I met you,

I felt a power tugging on my strings-
emotions,

mental & oh so many other things,

you got me monopolizing your time.....

Your too scared to take whats being given,

so I let you take this love thing real slowly...

Like

when I told you ;

I'm falling for you ; I meant to say...

I'm deeply in love with ya ways & how you treat me

always the gentleman,

Never wanting to be anything but!

I like the "****" in you,

that comes out in the bed room,

I like the way you speak to me
and

OUR

conversations make me completely

"Aware" - - of your smell

(OOH YOU SMELL SO GOOD)

You give me a rush '
your endorphins ; causing me weakness

An intoxicating feelings

taking over my senses...

My GOD you just don't know..

Ya every breath & touch,

Ya motions and movements,
the way you turn ya head and
how ya eyes light up..

Papi believe me this is more then

lust

More than a crush

even more than infatuation.

Yeah your older than me,

YES I KNOW

You've been hurt plenty,

But don't tell me,

I'm too young and don't know what love means,

What it is to me?

I may not know exactly
not completely

I think I've been close to it a time or two.

Your right to guard yourself from me

cuz

if You had me as ya lady ; I'd never leave

I'd be emotionally stalking you,
obsessed about you,

I'd sleep right next to you
make you fat by cooking your food

Spoil you by : rubbing, massaging
every part of ya body
each & every night

As you walked in the door from work,

I'd take ya shoe's off (rub ya feet)

you ain't got to say a word....

But I'd listen to all your problems
and
try my best to solve em,
pray with you, for you... for us,

Hold the children

"son's" up to your example,

"daughter's"
would understand that to have a good man

you'd need a good woman
(like me)

We'd be a team
when it came down to everything.

I'd be your budget keeper
your court appointed attorney & adviser
I'd be your marriage counselor
and anything else....

We could be of same mind
combine our souls as one

I'd follow your lead
but not take away from ME cuz no matter what

this is who I am
&
even when I have had a man.

But the difference is
I'd do all this and more
just because my love's so strong for you

My heart cries out for you
I wake up & I touch my self where
you've been not even knowing
I'm doing it, until it's to late...

Funny as I wash my body ;
I stop on the parts you've kissed, caressed & touched...

A mental image of you pops in my head
and
I smile to my self.

Tell me- am I being punished,?

Is "Karma" getting back at me ?

Maybe
for doing something long a go
just maybe huh?

Cuz I can't seem to get at you....

Make you understand...
If you was my man- You'd never have to worry

I'd do my best to take the hurting away

I'd be ya right hand

Ya best friend.....

****....

'You wont know till you see for ya self,
don't wait until it's all said & done
and
your wishing for me
after I'm gone...

Like the saying goes;

"You Don't Know What You Got Til It's Gone"

Think about it
I treat you right now

like a prince....

But you could be
my king....

ONLY

when you decide you want me-
and
believe me you'd understand .........

Like I said  ...........

If You Was My Man!

Always me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Dec 2010 · 819
TY= Thank You!!!!
Ayeshah Dec 2010
I have my dayz where I set & think of the ppl no longer in my life (dead&alive;)

I'm grateful

4  the memories,  sad 4  the losses &  Still upset/bitter on sum of the BS that went down.

But  at the end of the day/ night  as

I look back on the scenes of my life share w/ Them  & W/U  

4 that

moment

  I SMILE,   Cry   (sumtimes)  

&  

Laugh!

I realized.........

BABY  

Pain or not

I'm living!

This is Life

&   it'll be what I make it!

(NO REGRETS)

2  

U

ALL  


TY  4  

SHARING


YA    LIFE

WIT        ME!
*ALWAYS ME AYESHAH*
Dec 2010 · 3.5k
Wanted!!!!!
Ayeshah Dec 2010
I wanted to feel his hands


massaging me once more,


rubbing out the pain & stress of my day(s).

I wanted to look into his beautiful eyes

that always said


"I Love You My Queen"

I wanted to once again

entwine our fingers


as we held close

our bodies while we laid & talked.

I want to kiss his lips,


feel

our
tongues dance again.

I wanted to run my fingers

once more thew his curly hair....

I want to hear him whisper once more

Good morning my love,

as he came home


from a night of work....

I wanted to feel him


kiss my forehead

and

say baby


I'll fight for you,

for Us!

Like he once was willing to do...

I wanted him to

be there when

His 1st born!



HIS SON

came outta me,

I wanted him to watch as

my opening stretched wide


for the life we conceived


started to break free,

wanted to look at him watching

me struggle


( for my & our sons life)

Wanted him to watch me


cry out with each contraction,


as my body sweating

and

shook from hot to cold

with hot flashes & chills,

I wanted him to see

my legs spread far apart,


my bottom hanging it seems~

slightly off the bed

my feet wrecked up on stirrups


as my ***** minora opens wider ,

stretching it's self as well as my  ***** majora....

As our sons head slowly emerges out of me,

I wanted him to watch me

as I watched him

"catch His 1stborn....

His only SON!


I wanted us to cry laugh & hug each other

as our child is placed in my arms....

Him kissing me on my forehead

once more teary eyed with

that proud new daddy

look men tend to get.........

I wanted this and so much more.....

I no longer want it thou!

Realities hit
&
I'm better off

doing this on my own!

**Always Me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Dec 2010 · 1.2k
YOUR WHATS IMPORTANT TO ME
Ayeshah Dec 2010
Acceptance is overrated when being a Mommy is even better then popularizes falsehood&superficial; non-importance personal gain! or a daddy either way



whats gain if you gain nothing  in life and if being a parent aint for you well good for you





this is to those who get down and ***** and do the right thing everyday for OUR BABIES from not yet born to 100 yrs old & GONE!



Acceptance is overrated when being a Mommy is even better then popularizes falsehood&superficial; non-importance personal gain! or a daddy either way



I gain  kisses and paid in hugs, I gain wisdom from tiny fingers smudged in finger paints,





I have knowledge beyond my or their years from tears cuz of boboo's + shrieking laughter



&  bedtime stories,



smile of chocolate face kisses & warm S'more sticky fingers covered in blankets of hair,





sleeping on my pillows in an over crowded bed of baby limbs, hands & feet from the tallest & oldest to the youngest  or shortest .





From the I went ***** by my self to day... to the I fell off my bike ,





to the I can do all by my self mommy to the I'm going out with friends mommy,

from the can I have 50 cent to the 18 yrs old can I borrow ya car & get 50 dollar's



watch each close their pretty brown eyes as my pillow and room becomes theirs  as  we fall asleep to nick at night



(little bear or Hey it's Franklin  )

and I'm kicked to the floor in my sleep !



{EVEN THREW THE STRIFE AND STRUGGLES OF MOTHER HOOD I'DNEVER REGRET
MY CHOICE TO GIVE BIRTH TO EACH & EVERYONE OF MY BABIES~~
YOUR WHATS IMPORTANT TO ME & MY WORLD/LIFE & I TY FOR MAKING IT SO MUCH BETTER!}


THIS  MOMMA MAKES BEAUTIFUL BABIES!
ALWAYS ME LOVE YA MOMMA AYESHAH K.K.C.N. LOPEZ!
AYESHAH K.K.C.N. LOPEZ Copyright ©2010
Dec 2010 · 715
THREW (THROUGH ) IT ALL!
Ayeshah Dec 2010
I had to listen

&

not speak,


I had to watch

&

Not move,
I
Had fallow

before

I too could ever lead....

Had to be so broken down


before I could get back up,

I been there

&

back around again.

Through it all


I learned~

It's these life's lessons


that's made me stronger

&

for it all

good or bad.......



I am Thankful!


GOD'S Got me

&

carry's me


threw it all!



Always me Ayeshah
©1977-2009
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
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