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She is neither pink nor pale,
  And she never will be all mine;
She learned her hands in a fairy-tale,
  And her mouth on a valentine.

She has more hair than she needs;
  In the sun ’tis a woe to me!
And her voice is a string of colored beads,
Or steps leading into the sea.

She loves me all that she can,
  And her ways to my ways resign;
But she was not made for any man,
  And she never will be all mine.
I have a fear,
it's not that I'm afraid of the future,
I'm afraid of a realization,
one I had last week.

What if...
What if it's downhill from here?

My childhood was amazing,
my parents were excellent,
but the real issue was my friends.
The fun we had was real,
it's just not the same,
academic discussion,
scientific deduction,
dissection of stories and ideals,
what's it all mean?
My favorite memories are not of discussion,
but action,
actions I keep written on a piece of paper,
strapped tightly to my chest,
a eulogy of youth,
time spent as kids.
Through the haze of years I see,
low rate movies,
bonfires burning just a little too bright,
Wendy's runs in the dead of night,
skinny dipping out on the lake,
firecrackers bursting over head,
roman candles,
no small talk,
real talk,
girls,
near death experience,
you were there right?!
Mario Kart,
video games,
disgusting food combination,
skating behind the moped,
sledding behind the SUV,
basketball on black tar,
mustard spilled all over the car,
splints and broken wrists,
word games,
collective humor,
stupid and indecipherable,
socks with sandals,
up all night talking in the basement,
not a care in the world,
no ambition,
dumb little kids,
messing around doing dumb things,
throwing common convention in the fire-pit,
flickering flames,
nostalgia on release,
gone our separate ways.

I had realization last week,
those guys weren't my friends,
they were my brothers.
A.P. Beckstead (2013)
 Jan 2014 Ayeshah
Andrew Fisher
You know how I know love is real?
I know love exists because, like love, you’re beautiful
You laugh, but it's true
Beauty is something both rare and astounding
Magnificent and special,
It is a moment in nature that is both rare and sudden,
Where you want to cry, not because you want to hold onto it forever, but because you know it is beautiful; and you feel peace and calm just from having enjoyed the few seconds of it.
I know love exists because, like love, you hurt.
Pain is the proof of life, but some tend bear more than others
Everyone has pain, but a feeling exists that allows others to have strength in taking on others' pain, So as to keep others safe and comfortable,
And nowhere is that more evident than in you.
I know love exists because, like love, your patient
Like a mother waiting for her child to stop crying, you wait, tenderly, supportively, yet passively, allowing space for healing and forgiveness that comes from this care
I know Love exist because, like love, your gone:
Love is internal in the moment,
But that moment will soon pass,
Only to be replaced by another and yet still another after that
So. I know love exists... Because you exist
And it would be a pity if you only existed for me in my mind
So you exist for the world, and that is why I know love exists
Because your touch is felt in the world
And your attention is given to the world
I would say I am jealous of the world…
Kind of a statement to my love life, and simultaneously the loves of my life.
 Jan 2014 Ayeshah
Rai
You held me closer to your  skin than felt comfortable*
Come on we are only passing strangers
There's no need for all these niceties
Pass me a cigarette and be gone with you*
The moon is high and I'd rather be alone with my thoughts of who you might of been

Sober for a change
I wipe your sweat from my brow
Too close brother god dam you

Did I say you could come that close
Pushing through my barriers
There's such a thing as personal space my friend


Do I want to join you for a drink
I don't think so
Yep I may have called you friend but that doesn't make you my family
My brother
Hell in just a moment I'm joining the other wanderers on the road to oblivion
Until then speak your truths
Tell no lies


I see you hide behind eyes of ice cold blue
The hues are amazing
But they aren't enough to catch this heart
Not on a night like this anyhow


Ok so your cultured and refined
Behind your grey shaggy hair and your hair spiked chin

Your breathing is shallow upon my skin

Why do you try to touch my soul
Do you really think there's anything left
I've been bleeding on these god dam paper sheets for years now
An obscure poetess from the other side of town
No body notices me
Not until now that is I guess


You deal
Ill win
I always do


You stand silhouetted in the light of the window
I'm sure you were once a handsome soul
Something like loneliness lines your brow
A feeling of need arises in my chest

You are an angel of darkness
And so I let you stay
You may wander my corridors a while if you desire
What be it you desire my way wood friend
You touch so much more

And words will not give away the secrets our bodies hold

Sleep fast on pillows of Egyptian cotton
Crisp white sheets
Blood stained
By my poets hand


Tomorrow you will run wild
Beckoning for your freedom
The silhouetted man with a need for a connection


*Spit me out quick
Before your words fail you
 Jan 2014 Ayeshah
Liam
Stanza 1
yada, yada, yada
...something clever

Stanza 2
blah, blah, blah
...something sincere

Stanza 3
la, la, la
...something profound

Stanza 4
yeah, yeah, yeah
...something vague

Stanza 5
etc, etc, etc
...something touching

Stanza 6
hmm, hmm, hmm
...something to ponder

Should I post this mess?
...meh...
...deleted it the first time...shouldn't take myself too seriously...so...again...
 Jan 2014 Ayeshah
Liam
A black and white world doesn't suit me
  I have a visceral response to generalizations
  that serve to minimize, demonize, marginalize

Neither can I accept an existence sheltered in grey
  restrictively deliberating in the narrow space
  between cautious optimism and healthy skepticism

The spectrum of possibility is infinite
  when seen with an open mind and giving heart
  at the risk of discovering beauty
 Jan 2014 Ayeshah
Liam
simplification
complicated endeavor
a lifelong cycle
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