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Ayeshah Apr 2011
I gots
my hair wrap on,

b'cuz

I
just finished

doing/sewing in
my  own
weave.

Did my own nails
and feet
too.

I got too many
mouths to feed


Ain't got time to go
to a shop.


He's
staring at me
tonight.

I got on
my cut off sweats
and
my tank-top.

I watch him too
as
I walk to the kitchen....

I stop
&
focus on my task...


Bacon ,eggs, bread

and

homemade orange juice.


I look over again

and

I noticed the look
on his face,
as
I reach
for
2 eggs...

He stands up
&
walks over to me....

Looking at him
as
he approaches
sends shivers
down my spine,


I unwind- reminded
of this mornings event.
He wants to touch me

but
drops
his hand

and

the tears
that
start to role down
my face
leaves me feeling dazed.
Crazed!

I walk past him
and
smell
the pan burning.

Burning
away my

uncried
wales....

The pain

The hurt

The deeds been
done.


This morning

I felt new beginnings
while life swept away....

Unforgiving.

It's 8pm
time to go to bed,
sleep eludes me
as
I star blankly
up at this movie,

I allow.......
Him
to cook and finish
what
I started.

He's watching me again.

I want to pretend that
I don't notice
but
my voice
get choked
as
I tell him
I did what

to
me is unforgiven.

He
tells me I'm sorry,
it's for the best.
I cry out
No
it's just best for YOU!
....
O'PLEASE

forgive me

if I don't believe you.
I throw my wedding ring
at him
saying

I no longer want it!!!

NO......Not
after this morning.
I feel my *******
getting wet,
It's not what you think..

&
I know its time
to
change
my **** pad,

He
looks at me as
I run to the
bathroom.........

I'm sitting
here
on a toilet
as
he's
repeating
his plea
to forget
&
forgive.


It's now
8:48 pm

I wash up
&
come out....

I tell him
I loved you
But.......
To
abort
his seed,
my eggs
"I"
can
never
be..........

Forgiven!

Always Me Ayeshah


Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Mar 2011
I AIN'T EASY & IT TAKES A LOT TO PLEASE ME,
I DO WHAT I WANT & HOW I PLEASE,

PLEASE DON'T DICTATE TO ME,
DON'T TELL ME HOW I MUST BE,
I'M FIRE & ICE,

I'M-HEARTS BROKEN MENDING ON FENCES.....

I'M A LADY WHO KNOWS  JUST WHAT SHE WANTS
AND

ITS UP TO ME TO FULFILL MY DREAMS....
BE A REAL MAN OR LEAVE ME BE!

*DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY SULTRY WALK
OR
WHO MY LEGS PART FOR- IT'S RARE
AND HE MUST
LOVE ME MORE THAN LIFE IT SELF,


I'M NOT MEANT
TO SIT UP ON A SHELF.....

DON'T THROW ACCUSATIONS MY WAY
WITH OUT FACTUAL PROOF,

WHAT I DO IN MY OWN HOME
CAR & OR BED ROOM
DOESN'T CONCERN YOU!

LABEL ME BOLD BLACK SOULFUL
& OH SO PECAN PUERTO RICAN'LY BEAUTIFUL

IF YOU MUST LABEL
ME AT ALL!

DON'T ASK MY NEIGHBOR
CUZ
I'M NOT AFRAID
TO TALK OR FACE YOU.....

GOSSIPER
SPEAK UP
AND

NOT BEHIND MY BACK,
I WORKED FOR MY SHARE
AND
I DON'T HAVE TO
PUT ON AIRS OR AN ACT.


CALL ME A ****,

A ***** OR *****

HA HA HAA HAA....

THINK ABOUT ME .....

YEAH

YOU MUST
CUZ
YOUR LIVES SUCH A BORE!

DON'T WORRY ABOUT
WHAT MY KIDS ARE MIXED WITH
AND WHY  THEY GOT GOOD HAIR!!!!


IT AIN'T YOUR BUSINESS
IF THEIR PLAYING
ON THE LAWN,

LEAVE MY KIDS ALONE
OR YOU'D
BE ****** HARMED.

YOUR WATCHING
MY HOUSE

& WATCHING ME  LIKE A HAWK.....

STALKING ME FROM ACROSS
THE STREET,

IM SURE YOUR IN YOUR
WINDOW WATCHING
TRYING TO SEE....

IMAGING ME

AS YOU BEAT YA MEAT,
SHE'S
ACROSS FROM ME TOO
TRYING TO SEE-

ALL THE WHILE
PLAYING WITH

HER BULLET
VIBRATING TOOL....

SADLY YOUR HATING ME
BUT WISHING

YOU
WERE JUST LIKE ME!

A LINGUISTICALLY - LIONESS.....
BUT YOUR YOU
& I'M
IMPERFECTLY ME!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2011
He stroked my cheek and caressed my back,



looking deep into my eyes.





I felt the heat between us ignite.....



We rushed head long into to this romance....



Silly me for not stomping on the breaks....



He touched me softly slowly as he positioned me to fit his throbbing manhood.



My mind screamed yes as my heart floated above me..



He  was skillful in seduction,



doing everything yet hardly anything to cause me to fall prey to his ministrations.



As he moved in me deeply I felt something within us changing,



something to this day I can't name.



I became his yet he drifted away,



was it what we were doing that had him pulling back as I held on?



We moved as one yet his soul seemed to dance away from me as his spirit teased me..





He had said it to me long ago but this night as we made our self belong to each other



I knew he meant it when he told me He loves me and only me,



moving in and out of me holding me so tight.



His breath on my neck as my cries fade& become muffled his chest.





Faster and faster yet he never stops caressing me touching me.....



He flips me over on my stomach opening my wet bx entering swiftly my body tenses and I moan into the pillow.



We're no longer making love



his is war & it seems our bodies the battle field as we slammed and mash together.



More and more the heat rises between us and he pulls me closer, holding so tight as I scratch his back and succumb to his will.



As my body floats away



all is erased and I come down from my ****** .......



Reality is :



He loves the physical of us but does he love US as a whole?





I'm laying here after the battle is won by him & he's done with me.



He  leaves me to go play Xbox  or maybe with "her" box & I can't help but think. ...



What'll happen when I finally confront him....



Laying my wants & NEEDS  for us out on the table



but he stay out & I fall asleep.



Trust me.................................



This Isn't OVER!





ALWAYS ME AYESHAH
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2010
He makes me smile when
all I want to do is cry at times.

He makes me wonder
how did I become so blessed,

even thou I been
blessed a long time ago,
I just didn't know,

joy burst forth from my lips
as a giggle escape cause of
something he recently did!

He makes me stay on my toes
& he makes me feel so whole,

love isn't ever pose to hurt
but I hurt'ed mightily for him
& for him too,

to think I went through it all
and came out clean,
refreshed & brand
spanking NEW!

He makes me smile
&
He makes me laugh!

The power of children
&
a mothers love can
do wonders
for your soul!

it's a gift God
'can only give-  
Twins!

Always me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2010
born Dec 16 2010  Induced  early  cuz of complications but healthy and has all fingers & toes will be here until lungs mature more and weights gained amount needed to go home. sore but happy . no names will be listed if you want to know more please email me and i will send pictures and the rest of information to you (Friend's ONLY) thank you all for being strong for me when i wasn't and for supporting me through all this! i also have a  guy that im talking to he was there while Christopher Cartwright wasn't(the father)  he's a big help and its so weird that our bound and friendship is as strong as it is, it & k helps that we grew up in the same neighborhood  & knew each other threw other family members and friends. My sister on my dad side is so happy and im happy for her!  I have no regrets and I'm happy, just sad alil bit that its over ...i got em out safely then again its a bit tooo early/ pray for em and ty for all the well wishes and support.  i need to rest now its going to be a long day! LOVE YOU ALL TO MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.
*Always me Ayeshah*
Ayeshah Dec 2010
She studied him ,while not really letting him
know she was checking him out
He was looking at her  bluntly
showing her he was looking
& checking her out too
As He crossed the room
to go turn on the stereo.,
She studied him closely
Noticing ; He looked
Afrocentric and so exotic
His Muscular ****** Body
worked to a hue of perfection.,
Honey Skin,Silk waves combed just right
so the light caught the red high lites
He probably didn't even know. he had
His face seemed sculptured
molded in pure model like form
****** hair shaved like he was working for GQ
Magazine Breath taking'ly Handsome.,
She held her breath as he looked up at her
he winked and pointed to the song playing
on the stereo
All she could do was nod her head in agreement.
He saw in the mirror how
she was looking secretly at him
or so she was lead to think,
He too was doing the same thing
Checking out this Beautiful Hypnotic Queen
The legs and hour glass shape was what 1st caught
his eye but the smile she gave
sent chills down his spine
the way she moved
so gracefully
like she was walking on air
made him feel weak kneed
Her Hair flowing in its natural state
curly and hanging down on her shoulders
giving her a heart shape looking face
he could run his hands in it but not just yet,
The feelings she in golfed
in him made him forget
what they was supposed to be doing
Studying for their law exam.
They didn't have to speak,
It seem the silences
would become a special communication.
Like in oasis the desert
the silence was a balm giving peace and respite
from the world
were words could become meaningless
sounds masking the emotions and abrading the senses.
These silences were uplifting ; a type of intimacy with-out
touching..,
Looking in His eyes and not saying a word
in harmony with each other
holing onto the memories of unspoken desires
casting off the shadows of doubt,
He don't need to enter her flesh
when just being there next to her was a gift
Cherished & treasured,
This was such a different kind of love.
She's looking in his eye's Silently
caressing him
Mind blowing thoughts shared
even as words were unspoken,
eye contact promised everything
Didn't need no words
when you're mentally
emotinally and
soon to be phycially connected
And then He Smiles.
His eyes light up
He has beautiful eyes
the thickest longest lashes
she had ever seen on a man
His light eyes became lit from
within and a feeling of sunshine
filled the room.
Because of her He was able to smile again
let the laughter in
Because of him she was able to trust
open up again.
And all this was done
With out a word!
Always me Ayeshah
written Saturday, December 23, 2006
© 2010
Ayeshah Dec 2010
You said

You'd be my Baby,Never try to play me,

Temptation's  got to your head

Love was just a word ,

Caught up in the moment

Didn't Mean a word you said

Romance just a thing of the past

Possibility's of you & me

The life we could of had..,

You Said,

You'd never leave me

I not knowing you deceived me..

Whats going on in your head

Told me I'm ya one and only  

than left me lonely

I'm hurting so badly

Thinking of all you said to me

Got me Always guessing

what you might be doing

And

who you doing it to...,

You said i was ya Lady

I must be going

CRAZY  

Thought you'd save me  

from pain and abuse

The normal thing's

I'm used to,

But

your doing it too  

Baby your  pose to be my destiny.

Look what you've done to me !


You said

You'd be My Papi  

Now you trying to knock me  

Make me less than i am

I thought you was my man

You Said

You got me  

That I'm all you want & need


Got me crying & weeping

in a heap  with grief

pain and disbeleaf.


You Said

There was no other  

Now your taking

Application's for lover's!


You Said,


I was the best

now she's laying  on ya Chest

Claiming ya body

touching whats pose to be Mines

My Papi

My Baby

My Man....

It must be a bad dream

A night mare


I got to find peace

&

try to understand you.

From what I let you do to me,

I believed in all you told me

As you laid with me ,

While i let you hold me,

You Said

So so many thing's

They were just word's ..

still i want(ed)  to be with you,

Lord

I'm so confused ..

You said,

All I wanted to hear

My Baby

Papi

I gave in to you

I can't believe you'd

hurt me

Not like this..


You said you wouldn't

THEN

Showed me you

the truth about you...,

But

believe me

I will always remember

all the thing

YOU SAID!

(Thursday, March 1, 2007)

Always me Ayeshah
© 2010
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