I read this poem and a line read "I love me."
And I was so proud of that author I had no idea who or what has made them who they are.
Because I myself cannot love me.
And this is one of my many faults because I can see the perfection in so many others yet my reflection is all but that.
So I applaud you.
For that is indeed a great acheivement to be thankful for.
Because for many out there loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do.

sitting in class, perfectly silent, makes my teacher ask "are you sick, autumn?"
but you see mr. teacher you would not care even if i was. My mind said only deep to the bone, but you thought my normal obnoxiousness was normal for me. Yet this quietness inside me has been wanting to break out for oh so long and now it has. why must you believe i am the wau"i" am?
why couldn't you look deeper to find the real me?
i am not silent, nor am i what you all believe me to be.
so stop assuming i will do what oyu say,
so stop believeing i will say this not that,
so stop insulting me because your insults are so ridiculous you have no idea,
your insults don't even compare to me because you don't know me,
so i beg of you to please just stop.
so i beg of you to please just keep on going as if nothing will make a differnecr when im gone.
i beg of you to stop defending me.
i beg of you to stop saying i impressed you with my being quiet when thats who i aam, i beg of you to stop being so danm ignoraant.
i beg of you to open your eyes.
for thats all i want.
open your eyes, and seee that i am me and you are you,
and that that's
what it simply
is.
so
i
beg
of
you
to
p
l
e
a
s
e
open
your
EYES

as I sit here in class, everyone in their little clusters talking about how cute the new boy is,
or how much they hate that one teacher,
or how much they don't want to do that awful homework,
everyone so absorbed in their "conversations" that they do not realize how you aren't the one of the loud speakers, so absorbed that no one realizes that your just sitting there,
not jumping up to join someone,
or jumping up to begin an aggressive debate over something unimportant,
so absorbed that they do not realize how this moment will never exist again,
so absorbed they don't notice that you went from center stage to  right in the background,
so absorbed that I realize that they don't realize that the things they are talking about aren't important,
that they won't matter in a few weeks,
that some people do this everyday,
just watch the others humiliate themselves through petty gossip,
just watching everyone engage in heated conversations,
but then again,
these petty talks may be what you need,
,maybe this is what it's suppose to be like you knowing it doesn't matter but, talking about it anyways,
no this could not be it,
but what then?
why did I realize today,
feel for the first time
what it's like to sit by yourself by your choice,
avoid groups of people because you simply don't care what their priorities are,
is this what it's like to be "mature"?
to realize that what is important today won't make a difference tomorrow?
because the thing Is,
what scares me the most,
is that some people wish to not sit by themselves,
they wish to  be in that petty conversation, lead it,
but you see being outside of that meaningless cycle,
has showed me what it's like to just be again
to just sit their knowing that tomorrow, you will sit here agin,
and the day after that,
and so on,
to know that your conversations will change someone,
will make someone laugh for the first time in a while,
will brighten someone's day,
because these are the things that I miss.
the things i wish i had learned,
in school,
to genially make something matter,
but maybe that's the point,
to be given the tools to make a change but o be GREAT enough to initiate the change by yourself.

let the wind carry the weight upoon your shoulders away,
let the wind blow new air in that gorgous hair,
let the sun shine into your skin, let it seep so deep your skin cells dance with it,
let the grass nible at your ankles, let it support you,
let the water show you the way to freedom, let it wash away the **** upon your soul,
let the wind carry your heart,
let it lead you to love,
let it let you forgive thoose you hate,
let the wind simply be the wind.....

The time moves on
Cultivating the ground
Waiting for the grave to sprout
And  let the body descend
Anticipation crushing the youth
Judgement passing the eyes
Pulsing through the cells
Return
Repeat
Break
Advice flows
Ignorant retain flakes morphed into crystals of *******
Sniff sniff
Sweet says the elders
Continue
The wise portray the high as we all fall
Ignorant to the reality that is we are not here we are not a we it is nothing
This "we" is beneath the ground
Hidden among the lost souls
Buried in the clouds
Burning so cold
Feeling so bright
And leaving no light

"you are my ******* creature do as i say" shouted the heart wrenching beast
the girl could see the emotion the beast had hiden
" no, you may think you own me, you may have just wasted your money and pride but you will ask nicely. that paper means nothing your ignorance shines through your skin, my love, you will regret me. i promise you that"
but the girl couldn't truly honestly believe that he would regret it for all she knew this purchase was the smartest thing the beast had ever done
" you know nothing! Do not dare call me your love for that thing, that revolting emotion is worthless, the world would be better off without it"
"what do you know of love, beast?"
and with that the beast stormed of to his jungle, knowing the girl was smart enough to keep her mouth shut.
the girl walked back to herr corrider the beast said was hers earlier, and fell asleep in her doorway, not wanting to enter the room. the girl ponderd her thoughts while her eyes were shut. had the beast once been something more? once felt love, once gave sympathy? Once cared? Once wrote of happiness, not just death? was the beast something she could fix? Something she dared want?

the leaches seeped it up
Never endlessly
Continuing and continuing over and over
Sprawling down into the air
Kisses battering your face
Filling you up
Artificial sugar colored red
The leeches they seep it up
Sip sip sip
And the kissing commenced
Flick of tongue up and down over and over here and there
enveloping in the whispers
Landing
Eyelids fluttering
Sip sip sip
Toss it over yourself
Sip sip sip
Here we go

I think I’ll be disappointed

He talks of love and trust and a future.
But every time he goes out,
All I can remember is that he cheated on his ex of 5 years.
All I can remember is how he shared an apple with a flirty girl right in front of me. How he yells to the strangers on the sidewalks to say “hello”.
How he yelled at me when I did not share my bed.
How he becomes mean and aggressive when he takes too many sips,
How he is a new person when alcohol is mixed.
In the moments or hours rather of silence,
All I think of is the girls attempting to flirt with him.
The girls that said I was not good enough for him.
The friends that said he could do better than me.
His voice talking to another girl other than me saying he is friendly but not seeing the glint in her eyes.
All I can think of is him cheating on me even though he has done no such thing.
I know he loves me.
I know I am good enough, I know I am The best girlfriend he could ever have.
******* it I know I am the best thing that ever happened to him.
But is he the best thing that ever happened to me?
The thought in my head says yes.
The darkness hides when we are together and he gives me moments of happiness.
And maybe this is why I am so afraid to lose him.
Is this why I tell him to leave?
Is this why I try to leave?
So I can say I left and was not left behind?
I know I am the best.
I do not know if intoxicated him is as trustworthy as sober him.
I do not know if all the worry is worth it.
If I am a chore to him what does that say about me?
Is it all my trust issues?
Even if it is should he not be accommodating to my feelings?
It has almost been 3 years.
Will we even get to 3 years?
Almost is such a bitter word.

And after a certain amount of time you think it's gone
Until you're driving and you take the sharp turn really fast in front of that car and chance crashing into someone head on
Until you realize you wanted that for a second
For a bit
For a little while longer
...
Until you realize while laying down that you still aren't good enough
Until you realize it's all still here
Until you realize maybe
I should do something about
It
Being
Here
Still.

once upon a time there was a girl,
she was purely happy,
and she was a young one to,
she had little friends but they were the best of best friend friends,
that girl lived everyday to the fullest,
the girl explored her brain,
but one day the girl brroke that door down in her brain,
one day that girl tore the blindfold off her eyes,
one day that girl decided she wasn't what she wanted ti be,
wanted to represent,
one day that girl changed
that girl became the one to be told to shut her mouth,
but that girl shall express her opiion, no matter what you tell her what o do,
no matter how hard you punch,
no matter how  sharp your knife is,
no matter how much your pathetic words sting,
that irl changed,
that girl wanted to BE somehing,
because she could,
that girl isn't as happy anymore, at all, but the price of happiness for the lpeasureof seeing the world for what it really is is more than justifiable,
that girl see's the lie behind your eyes now,
she see's people for who they are now,
including herself.
and that girl now, has many more flaws than before,
but that girl has oh so much more pride in herself, for that girl,
see's.

for oh so long you stayed,
ripping my heart and brain to shreds,
stealing away my innocence,
willing me to do awful, dreadful, things,
that sounded beautiful coming out of your mouth,
you said it was the answer,
and I was foolish enough to
believe.
you said it would help, and it did and didn't.
you said that it would make me feel better,
you pried and pried and I caved.
and let my mind take over my actions.
and let the feelings sink away.
and so you hid,
ran away to a little corner,
making me believe I was free of this addiction, free of your grasp, free of your pounding fists upon my lungs,
and so I tried, and tried and tried and tried,
and it wasn't worth it,
because your drag me so slow that,
half way back, felt just like the beginning.
felt jus like a half real smile, felt like a half way honest comment,
but you see,
your imaginary leave of absence,
led me to believe,
I was out, I was done,
I was
better.
but, maybe you should have just stayed,
because,
now your back,
and while I thought I was climbing, I was sinking,
even lower than before,
where there is no branch for me to use,
where the light, is a figment of my imagination,
so your back, and thriving, feeding off of there beautiful comments,
gaining control through someone else's words, and actions,
so you have retuned.
will you stay, or put me under that spell again?
will you finish your intentions,
or will I prevail?

so here the girl lays, thinking i'm going to be so ******* ****** if he doesn't reply, and then I realize I don't really give a **** if he does or doesn't.
Because hey here I lay ******* some other guy.
because hey here I lay lying to him.
because hey here I lay teasing the hell out of you.
because hey here I lay fantasizing of sunsets and ponies.
because hey here I lay cutting once again.
because hey here I lay ******* some chick.
because hey here I lay picking flowers, while smelling honey all by myself.
because hey here I lay faking a smile to the world.
Because hey here I lay wondering when i'll get caught.
because hey here I lay texting you, while
falling
for
him.

You got me smilen boy, the thought of you lifts my spirit and im excited,
you got me boy, im smilen when you arn't even present, and within the sight of you boy you got me blushing,
boy you got me to smile, after such a long time, it's actually a purely happy one, that has no tinged pain hideing behind my heart,
and i just can't stop cause this smile is not stoppen no matter how many people try to tear it off this beutiful face.
because boy i think you got me.

He put the stars back into my sky
When i had forgotten the sky had stars
Out of nowhere
His foreign tongue replenished my  tired soul
And with a pop
It all went weary

I'm here
And I have everything
I have a scholarship I have a job
I have an amazing lover
I have this and that
I am thankful
And yet I still picture myself
Jumping through that window
To fall and die
I am still wanting to slice my flesh open
God I miss that release
I am still crawling down in that dark hole
I am still breathing
I am still attempting to live
I am trying to be me
I'm  trying
******* it and
I'm failing

The shadows cascade down his back and side
Reflecting upon the melody of his voice that prevails over my demons
The gasps echo in my head from his delicacy known as a mouth
His tongue I am sorry to be crude quenches my every desire
His being infuses with my inner Qi
For he is here and now and I am his for eternity

And if he comes to claim my soul tonight
I'll Close me eyes and thus break my sight
Hinder the noise that floods my ears
Infatuated with the way your tears fly
This flower inside has shriveled up to little bits and pieces
So if he comes tonight I swear my love I won't put up a fight
A fallen angel must come to take me back to my homeland
He's here tonight gave me quite the fright
And so he led me to the shadows why of course where the bright light lies
My Morbid dream
lover here she comes oh boy!
As we dance in the pale snow
Flakes placating our faces
As we lay down to play for the today
He lies in bed and waits for the night
Blessed he is with such a bite

The sun is shining
And I see two friends taking pictures in front of a beautiful yellow leaved tree
I see a man singing and playing guitar far away
I see a traveler sitting on a bench in peace
I see friends sharing a game
And a young family walking
I hear the birds singing
And the water floating
The leaves bright red and yellow and orange

I feel bliss and connection and freedom and happiness
And peace
And the profound connection almost brings me to tears
And these are the things I stayed here for
These are the moments I live a life for

I pushed you away out of cowardice, because this little ghost heart of mine wasn't worthy of the noble intensity that is you.

I remember before
I remember when it was just a bunch of poets most in unrelinquishing agony
I remember when I came on this site and it was a safe haven
I remember being inspired by Great writers that are still out there
I remember the passion
The fire
I remember what HP was
I remember it's better days
...
I am not a fan of the new HP
I know for some they feel they are writing poetry but others, well it's offensive.
I come here to breathe to be with those that I can relate to
It Was a garden full of blossoming roses
But every time I appear now
It feels like a high school situation
This is a site for poetry not pathetic ******* petty drama
Between poets
Write your heart, try to help other poets
Express yourself
I refuse to hashtag it up
Because i respect those who use them
But in all honesty I hate what it has done
Maybe the people changed
Maybe some left
...
I remember when here wasn't a need for "public service announcements"
I remember when there wasn't a worry about a "bully"
I remember when the thought of plagiarism occurring was a joke
I remember what it use to be
And now it's future I feel isn't so bright
All it feels like now it a popularity contest
I long for what it use to be

I never knew how much you meant to me until you were gone
Until you disappeared to hell or heaven
To be with your sister or not
To decompose and help a tree grow
To reincarnate and come back to me
To fill the void
To anywhere but somehwere with me
To anywhere but somewhere I can see
To anywhere but the place I need you to be,
Here with me

You tell me to be thin
You tell me to like a masculine boy that's strong and ****
You tell me to need to him
You tell me to cook and clean for him
You tell me to beseech him
You tell me to work out yet not to much
You tell me to be what he wants
The media, created by no one else but us,
Is you telling yourself to slowly **** yourself
Would you tell your little girl she isn't skinny enough? Would you tell 8 year old you that she's not smart or beautiful?
We sit and whine about needing to appease men, being unequal, not "pretty" enough or "skinny" enough
Yet we keep buying the magazines, watching the tv, feeding into the
Parasite known as the MEDIA
in order to change we must change our culture and our values
We must respect
Not only others but ourselves
Escape the hands reaching out to strangle you
Don't allow yourself to tie the noose around your neck
Defy the media
Define you

So if you knew i wear spike jewerly,
if you only knew how obnoxious i really am,
if you only knew the mistakes ive made,
if you only knew half the people i hang out with,
if you only knew the scars i show'd you,
how would you think of me?
If you only knew my grades, sports, and all the activities ive done,
if you only knew the times i've stood up for thoose people labeld as friends,
if you only knew the smiles upon my face,
how would you think of me?
So when i enter your sight i beg of you, no that would be a lie i expect you to not label me, because for all you know, i could be just as good,
or just as bad,
or even worse,
or even better,
than you.

dear noah,
      i do not understand you, nor do i comprehend you
i do not understand why you are smileing, nor do i understand why you are crying,
i do not understand what i have done to you,
i do not understand why you despise me so,
i do not understand why i seek your approval,
i do not understand what thoose things called words are coming out of your mouth, i do not understand why they cut me so deep with such venom?
is it because i cannot fix you?
is it because there may be nothing to fix and you simply truly are oh so very you?
i do not understand why you do not understand me,
is it because i do not let you see all of what i wanted you to know?
is it because i built that wall too high?
or do you understand and simply dont want to?
oh boy, you are my light that nearly suffocated itself within the dark,
you are my tears that are to strong, to cowardly to fall down my face,
you are my smile, that see's, hear's, no critisizeme,
you are the thing that makes me want to think,
want to care,
you are the thing inwhich i love.
you are what defines what i want, and because of that i will never have you.
because oh boy, it isn't because we are in two seperate worlds,
it isn't because we are so different,
it isn't because i cannot tell you what i have been screaming at you forever,
oh boy, could it be because you are what would give me happiness?
could it be because a single day without you drives me nuts?
could it be because we are both cowards, hiding behind smiles and yeah no problem's?
could it be because you cannot leave your sacred playground, while i create my own, while i make what i want, and do what i want in it?
could it be because you are still obeying thoose flimsy rules, because you want to obey thoose rules?
could it be because we both are trying to hard to live up to expectations?
could it be because we both are so **** close to what will **** us?
                                                                                                                                                 love,
                                                                                                                                          me.

hey
hey?
so why do you care?
about what?
anything at all.  no I mean everything, why do you continue breathing? why do you keep walking? why do you hold you head high while everything's, dark?
I don't that's the thing.
what? I don't understand.
I smile, because its an act of defiance,
I laugh because I wont let them think I care, I let them believe it so that I can not care,  i'm loud because they're comments don't compare to what I say in my mind. what about you? Your not so bad yourself.
I think about leaving and how everyone else will fail.

***** rids their clothes
Blood spattered everywhere
Broken knuckles
And bodies slumped against the floor
Classical in the background
A rose laying in their path
Smell of ***** reeks
The spicy scent of repulsion fills the room
Do you like that?
This heartfelt scene?
The one you dreamed of?
Kisses and embraces vary among the nightmares
In the sanity of those alive
And hose forgotten
The corpses
Walking holding hands with you today
Yet their blood
It's still in that hall way
Don't forget that smell of regret
Don't
Forget
...
As the morning coffee is brewed

To be enough
It is an odd feeling
To feel enough
And not be enough for someone
To know that as great as I am
There is nothing that could change their heart
Or maybe there is
A person
A laugh
A breath
A moment
That could have changed their mind
I do not know
But it is evident
It will not be from me
In their own time perhaps
But not now
Not with me
And it is hard to accept that
To be there for myself
To hug myself

It is not even half way through the year yet, and their words have already began to morph into knives.
the words come flying out so fast, it takes some time to realize, what just took place.
what was just taken.
his stares have already become dreaded.
and his face has already become loved.
yet his intentions are all just one big blur.
and his sentences, all for me, have become bullets, aimed for my heart,
just the spot to ****.
destroy.
end.
and yet his smile, all for me, has become thy sanctuary.

Sand Castles
Learning the stories left behind,
all those long forgotten damsels in
distress.
the waves washed their misery
away
they stole it
tamed it

you see,
i know im ****** up
you see i know im not perfect
you see i know im not you
you see i know im ruining myself
you see i know i need help
you see i know i cant do this
you see i know im sad too much.
you see i know you care
but i see that i can't be anything other than what i am because if i was something different, i would jump.
because what you dont see is that i like my views,
what you dont see,
is the real me, you assume im this other person,
what you don't see is what i hide because you dont deserve to see,
what you dont see is that i care to much what the world thinks of me,
you see that i dont care,
but what you dont see is what i need you to want,
because what i dont see is what you are hideing,
is who you really are,
because what i dont see,
will,
be,
the,
end,
for,
me.

i wish to hand you this fragile little heart that's never been broken, maybe damaged but never broken.
i wish to hand you this letter with all my confessions upon it, and see if you care or rip it up.
i wish to tell you that your my drug,
that your laugh is oh so addicting,
i wish to tell you that when you laugh at one of my jokes,
it makes me fly away,
like no high ever reached,
like no victory ever experienced,
like no battle finally won after decades of death,
i wish to tell you that when i'm gone, the letter i wrote for you was the hardest,
i wish to tell you that when i look into your eyes,
i do not look away,
i search, search, for that thing you haven't found yet,
sitting right there in your eye is the thing you wish to find.
i wish to let you know that when you fail you do not need to prove anything,
i wish to tell you that i am here, right next to you,
just waiting for that smile.
i wish to tell you that I've found someone else.
i wish to tell you that he was merely a distraction,
for my heart will always belong to you,
even if i never had yours.
i wish to tell you that i'm not fine,
and that yes you were right,
and that yes you are true to your word,
and that you have already reached your goal,
you do not have to go any longer,
for you,
started it all yourself,
your own,
little,
competition with yourself,
and that yes you have already,
                                                                                       won.

twists around my body in an all encompassing movement
holding my heart
with a wicked little smile and a twinkle in it's eye
and tempting me to come closer and closer
closer closer
it whispers in my ear
the light it had drowned me with
that was sweeter than honey
was
snatched away
I trip
but realize moments later that I had been pushed
and the hand stretched out towards me now
it was the temptation
would I dare take it?

This casing, is what I live in.
I am the glue holding the walls up.
and I am the hammer breaking them down.
and possibly, i'll be what pushes me over the edge, or i'll be the thing in which drags me even further down or maybe the thing in which spits in my own face.
but I do not want to be that anymore.
maybe I want to be more,
maybe anything else,
than my own destruction.
maybe possibly im not wrong, maybe possibly I am good enough.
but the thing is I do not care for what you want me to be because you do not matter in this little world in which humanity has discovered.
because your damage is done.
and I will not accept your cruelty any longer.
because dear me,
dear me,
I do not want you any longer.
love,
well me.
so say I am done, so say i continue down this new path,
will you forgive or have you already forgotten?
will you grow or have you already jumped?
or are you simply waiting to hit the ground, and finally crack?
or are you hoping that you can crawl up that wall, one last time?

I have written so many poems
Where the darkness creeps in
And I have taken so many oaths
Written across my skin
To continue the battle

But every day becomes harder to take a step
And every breath weighs heavily upon my lungs
And the smile that crosses my face is no longer one of ease

if you need a point to live, why are you here?
does it really matter WHY im, here, can't you just accept my presence,
what if i don't want to make a 'difference'
what if im fine contributing to the ignorant, disgusting society we live in today
why must i need a reason to live, other than to enjoy it all
other than to simply laugh at it
every thing is pointless.
and that's why we all *care.

And the longer I breathe
The weaker the passion becomes
The harder it is to take a step
The easier it is to imagine death

Sometimes I feel like a tree
in the middle of a field
with forests surrounding said field glancing upon anything
but the singular tree
Yet now I feel like I am the bark
and you are the leaves
And we are that one
single
tree
the only eyes I shall ever beg to look upon me
Are the ones that have accompanied my growing core
As you feed into me I support you
And we soak up the sunlight and water and nutrients like no other
Because you and me
We are that
one
Single
Tree

the commencement of the bloodbath shall begin shortly
the walls will be splattered with the liquid that ran through your veins and arteries
you will beg
and beg
as I slash your throat
and spill your innards over the floor of this "sanctuary"
while I, myself take a chance to smile at the art
that has oozed onto the wall and riddled the hallway with the reeking stench of glory
as the weak quiver
And I Bow

i seek praise from you all.
i seek love from thy self.
i seek acceptance amoung society.
i seek to make you regret.
i seek to make you forget, i seek to make thy self forget,
i seek to not be you,
i seek to be all thy self can be.
i seek to simply be me.

when your fantasy fails, and your dreams scatter into the black
foreboding emptiness
come to me
when your hopes are ripped form your ******* weak hands
and all you do is sit there wishing for some apathy that you will
never receive
when your mind is ***** repeatedly and ****** over one to many times
come to me
when she pulls your tongue out of your putrid mouth and slaps your wittle **** with it
come to me
when your on your knees begging, let them laugh in your face, let them spit upon you
for you are ******* nothing
your god has left you
nowhere to be found?
your mind it's being ****** again, sanity where'd you go? stop slutting around
HAHA!
oh the irony, my little ******* piggy
when you are nothing, when you sincerely cannot give two ***** anymore,
when you stop silently screaming for help, when you have given up on any kind of release,
come to me
when you have found pleasure in this game you play all by yourself in that endlessly open mind of yours
see me
when you are here but nowhere to be found
seek for me
when you still don't give two *****,
love me
when your dead,
fear me
when your gone, but immortally in ecstasy
hide from me
when your reality is all but "everything"
listen to me
like you always have
let me ******* one more time
sweetie
dearest
******* innocent pie
come to me
feed me
live with me
don't let go
you are here
forever in fantasy
ecstasy
your sanity, the games honey,
oh how we love them
fear me
speak to me
come to me

i see you smilen at me, but your eyes are pure anguish,
i see you looking down at the floor, wishing something i cant hear because you won't say it aloud,
i sneak a look at your face and it'spure cowardice,
i look you in the eyes and see smething that i know you can't handle by yourself,
i look your way and see you for you, not the person you portray,
because all i want is for you to take your guard down,
to take off that fake show,
to trust me with your true self,
to let me help,
because all i want is the real you.

Take one step
My dear you'll be okay
I promise to you tonight
You are my thing
You are my all
My dear tonight just breathe and it will all be alright
Take one step and it'll all go away
In the blink of an eye
And let's see oh you will be okay
I promise to you my dear
The wrong will turn right
Your ending is bright
I love you my dear
Because it will all be alright
On this night
Tonight
In this head of mine

I cannot cease returning to this warm sanctuary, cocoon of numbness.