Autumn

Autumn Apr 2017

Splash

I'm breaking
Snapping
Crunching
Folding under the pressure
I'm done
I'm down
I just want to cry
And In some miracle I am
I breaking down slowly and surely
Only to be fine again in a few seconds
I'm fine
I promise
And I don't know what wrong with me
And I don't know why I can't just accept that I'm not perfect
And I don't know why
And I don't know
And I don't
And I
And
An
D
And I'm not okay

Autumn Apr 2017

Untitled

I'm here
And I have everything
I have a scholarship I have a job
I have an amazing lover
I have this and that
I am thankful
And yet I still picture myself
Jumping through that window
To fall and die
I am still wanting to slice my flesh open
God I miss that release
I am still crawling down in that dark hole
I am still breathing
I am still attempting to live
I am trying to be me
I'm trying
******* it and
I'm failing

Jan 2017

Akira Chinen

the end of her fingertips

She is a dream stuck between
a first kiss and a dying wish
an eternity trapped in a moment
and a forever lost long ago
the dried bones of an angels spine
and the dust from a dead humming birds wing
the hidden fire in a dragons belly
and the color of a mermaids breath
the first hairs of a paint brush
and the last drop of paint
the thread that stitches beauty to a heart
and the dull edge that cuts love apart
the keeper of the universes secrets
and the narrator that spills the truth at the end
the blood flowing through life
and the wind that warns of death
the end of time
and the begining of nothing and nowhere
she is and she isn't
and every star and every leaf
knows her by name
and yesterday and tomorrow
live in the space between her eyes
and today is just a dream
she continuously spins
on the end of her fingertips

Autumn Jan 2017

It's still here.

And after a certain amount of time you think it's gone
Until you're driving and you take the sharp turn really fast in front of that car and chance crashing into someone head on
Until you realize you wanted that for a second
For a bit
For a little while longer
...
Until you realize while laying down that you still aren't good enough
Until you realize it's all still here
Until you realize maybe
I should do something about
It
Being
Here
Still.

#depression

Autumn Nov 2016

Going the distance

I stared off into the distance
Always repeating
Never wanting to be the one retreating
I stared off into the distance
Always repenting
Never wanting to be the one sinning
I stared off into the distance
Always glowing
Never wanting to be the one dimming
I stared off into the distance
Always claiming
Wanting to be the one who determined the next distance

Autumn Oct 2016

In ReTrOsPeCt

sometimes i trace over my scars with my eyes and my hands
the memories proclaim their ownership over i
i remember that i am the master who conquered and vanquished those demons
                   failing at an exponentially alternative universal rate i fall
the abyss swallows me up
the sunshine glitters over us
                                                                                            i glance up and see
                                                            i see him and i see what he sees in me
                                        and i remember
i am the master
                                       that vanquished
                                                                                            and conquered
her *demons.