It won’t be like last time
It will never be like last time
Never again

He comes home from art school
and finds cold food on the table
and a note
Something along the lines
be good, eat, do your homework,
clean your room, be good
Love, mom

He puts the food in the microwave
pushes the buttons
waits
takes the food out
eats
There's a mirror on the wall
across the table
and he stares at his reflection
as he eats, watches the way he chews the food

He turns the TV on
and then off again
The house is silent as always

He gets into the bathroom
and removes his clothes
steps into the shower cabin
turns on the hot water
stands under it, shoulders slumped, looking down

The glass walls of the cabin fog up

He smiles

raises his finger
draws a feminine shape on the steamy glass
and rubs his hard ***** against it
He knows that's all the art he will create
and all the love he'll get

You black iced bandit
Silver tip tongued liar
When you sleep
Do your bones rot
In the shadow of your sins
Does guilt not crush you
Runner
Fool
I have no hate
To send out into the world against you
You took my kindness as weakness
Now I do not even have regret
Maybe once, the earth said to the sky
Why do you hold all the stars
The moon chimed in against the night
Someone must hold them back
For we are not all made of light
I could of made you a believer
You had no faith in yourself
The person I poured my love into
Never existed
I am a giver
And you, a taker
A leaver
But you burn small
And I am the meaning of a dancing flame
You will drown in the waters
As my spirit passes over
Safely to other shores
I will say nothing
When my tears have dried
I will do nothing
When you raise your arms against me
Except pray
And the splitting of my lips
Is a curtain torn
Find me on the hill
When the suns goes down
For the third time
We do not say goodbye
Know the veil will thin again
I care not to play God
Only to hear his voice
Soft in the tops of the trees
Your ears deaf
To the cry of a good heart
Your calluses rough
To the work of gentle hands
Your feet burning
When you stand before the throne
The only one to claim you
Before the end
Is the earth
The most impartial of lovers
She too tells me
When I lay with her in the sun
The grass tickling my neck
Of the lesions you burned into her skin
Of chasms carved into her surface
By your bleeding hands
Yet, her and I
We know of healing
Our roots run deep
We do not fear the storm
And you will be ash in the wind

Sometimes I think of killing myself
How the end would be so nice
How the darkness would swallow me up
And how the numbness would suffice
My need

For all the voices of the feelings
That constantly keep me reeling
To softly slow to a hush
As my brain starts tur-tur-turning into mush

How wonderful it would be
To have that powerful silence
Not even grasshoppers would bother
To wake me

My cells would stop dividing
My brain would stop the lying
Myself would stop denying
What I truly want

But but but
This is just a reckless fantasy
A way to elude one’s own reality

Because as I sit here on the floor
Tears drip drip dropping
I realize there’s those who care for me more
Cherish me more
Love me more
Than I love my own self

The crickets chirp
I put the pills down

I am the emotions you feel
When you listen to an old song
And you remember everything
All that happened when you listened
All your heartbreak and sadness
Your love and happiness
I am the buildings you look up to
The ones you couldn't afford
The new glass reflecting the sun
Making it look so beautiful
I am the smile you crack
When all of these feelings collide
And I am the love you feel
Inside your chest