oh god i miss you
but talking to you hurts
a first day of school hearse
kind hurt like a little boy
abandoned at the mall like
like bein told youll never grow tall like
like bein told you never cared at all like
like theres a monkey in my brain
and he is rattling his cage
he sparks fear and rage
equal parts love and hate
i thought this was fate
guess it was fake
guess ill keep looking for somethin real
not a done deal no shortcuts
no inspiration pills

i take words like a zombie
taking bullets
like a vet with flashbacks like
a runaway with a knapsack
and half a mil
and a license to ****
torn tshirts show my form
physically born again
not bored again i aint ever been
bored with a person you are always surprising
i think of you when I see the horizon
death rattles of my love
i heard my thoughts like cattle
stomp around in my brain
shield me from this rain
like the hood i dont wear
cause i dont care
and the rain makes my hair look real fine

i dont know why i still come to these sessions
just upsetting my routine
making me think again
sting again make me stink again
I stare them dead in the eyes i feel their glares
i feel burning flares in the
clear white sky of my back
got a whip crack mind
no other kinds of men
like truth like the lying fae
not gonna die today
not gonna try today
lay down dont dress up
talk to the man keep your hands cupped
catch the words he spray try to
keep the thoughts at bay like
i know you were here
i wonder what you said to your friends here
i wonder if it would’ve made me laugh

lemme hurt you make you feel
let me in let me make this better
a new kind of letter
something totally unique
something to make you
a fan someone who wants me
wants to soak in me like cotton ***** like
like word waterfalls
i feel the victim
she rages
and i feel her hate and
i can smell her fear
her friends are near
They come in a pack
neatly packaged
individual portions
of love potions
love poems
love in the snow and
i would ride all night
to give you back your sight
let you see me clearly
let you love me dearly
let you hold me close and whisper something sweet
make my brain feel neat
all cleaned out
freshly brushed
instead i gush
i spill my thoughts on a keyboard
movie screen got a prison scene
something too obscene
to show the kids
so we hide it
try to abide the rules
hold our love inside
can’t show the world for fear of shame
for fear of blame
or witchs flames or
a fear of playing the game

I wanna know what you’re thinking,
What are your plans?
what do you know about me? can you help me with my homework?
can you teach me to be mean? can you give me a thicker skin?
can i borrow your mind? can I borrow you?
i want to, i want to
i still want you
Do you think of me when you can’t sleep? Do you drink my drinks and miss me?
do you still fight wars in my name? do you think I deserve that?
deserve faith?

my hands are burnt and i cant even cool them off on your back
my skin is charred and my arms are turning black
i wanna ask for your opinion but i already know
you hate me and i hate me too
you hate me and i hate me too
you hate me and i hate me too, now,
call a ****** call it what you like

bubblegum lungs pop and
leave me coated in sludge
blue and pink, darkens, inching;
leaking bruises down my chest

I'd like to die in my sleep, peacefully,
as if no one'd even miss me,
because if I could pass without anyone knowing
without my friends seeing and my mama crying i can't guarntee I wouldn't take it,
because I might be a coward but I know when I'm not wanted and if I cant see myself carrying on I might as well fall,
I might as well fall down because it's not like I got a future,
cause I can't spell real good and I'm not good at math,
because when i close my eyes all i see is your face and all i hear is my screaming
my outrage at a god who'd let me miss everything I'd miss
because I might not be faithful but I can see god in a bumblebee taking off, ****, because every overexposed shot of a **** flower that might bring me to tears because I am the only one who can see the beauty in everything
because the people who know this don't care if I go, because it'd be two tears and then I'm forgotten,
******* kid with a penchant for getting high, another casualty of the war on our own ******* dark psyche,
because my old friend might hear and shrug and say, "****,
never saw him taking that way out,"
because being full of life doesn't mean I dont want to end my own,
because god knows, god knows,
all this passion has me dying for some rest
some rest in peace

But you made me so tired,
And you looked so small against the ocean, and the salt from your tears merged with the sea
And I could no longer tell you apart