We wait outside long closed electric doors

    
        At last, you take my hand, you cloud-float up
        
            Hospital gown draped over a balloon

                Oxygen mask string dangles, now relaxed

                    Its work is over, I still hold your hand

                        My heels lift slightly, I still hold your hand

                            I can’t come with you; time for letting go,

                                We smile, you float -- drip, tape, and bandage free


My toes have never left their asphalt base

My dearest dream,
    and
        I still feel your hand

I need you
When I see you again on my streets after a long time, a fire rises inside me
Suppress it,
My other soul
Waves up and down and
Touches the limits of fear and goes away
Is there no place
My love?
Where you keep me in your heart
With love.

So much anger. So. Much. Anger. It burns. It boils over and spills all over everything. It breaks like a whiskey bottle. Glass flying everywhere. It lives in my brain and it eats there. It eats at my heart until it bleeds.

Like ash in my mouth
Like battery acid in my veins
Skidding along the ground
Metal on metal
The burnout

I make you up inside my head,
a version all fabricated from my own mind,
like an invisible chain
with a weight attached pulling me in
there is an unreasonable, unrealistic, tug
to get to know you
science can’t explain what this feeling is
that makes me see you
makes me feel like I can read you
a vibration of attraction that physics
hasn’t quite discovered yet
a gravitational pull of my mind leads me to thoughts of another dimension
with a me and a you in an alternate reality of my imagination that feels so real it’s like a memory
call it chemistry or a recollection from a past life
but I see you in my daydreams
A hazy place filled with my fantasies of all the possibilities of humans I feel bonds with but don’t really know

Walking in a world of black and white,
You created the colours that follow me through life.
The memories of sunrises we once shared,
Now remain in the yellow marker you use to vandalise the world around us.
The green grass we once laid on to stargaze,
Is now a constant remind of what deemed you ‘ missing ‘.
The colour of your freckles,
Became the only colour of clothing besides black that touches my skin.
Our favourite colour,
Now stained with every memory of you.

Grieving ones we never lost,
never had.
Absent Fathers...
Calling for memories that never existed
Longing is an emotion that tells us Love exists
Within us.
Whether there is someone to hold Her or not...
For we are Love and we are held...
If not by absent Fathers, by God Herself.