You never knew me
You just knew what you wanted me to be
You never loved me
You only love what sets you free
I'd rather light the bridge to burn
Than let you incinerate my life
You want respect you could never earn
I was stabbed in the back - you held the knife

You never noticed my pain
You sought to cause me more for your own gain
You led my hopes and dreams to the slaughter
You protected everyone but your daughter
So I won't call you mother anymore
I'm tearing down what love I had - stripping it to the floor

You can't control me because I am letting go
The manipulations are over - no more causing my fears to flow
I know you're angry, and you will cast the blame
You always do, because you're too afraid of shame
You'll never see the pain that you've wrought
that'd take accountability and that can't be bought

I'm completely through
Im tired of living for you
When with every word You spit in my face
Then painted me the disgrace

So go on keep defending the abusers
Go on and **** up to the users
Hate me if it helps you sleep at night
But don't forget you started this fight

Shots fired shots fired
When my soul was already tired
You hit me when I was already down
Then straightened your corrupted crown

What do you do when your dream becomes your nightmare
and everyone around you acts like they don't care  
all they ever say is get over it
As if it wasn't hard enough to admit
That you're not okay
that you feel like you're insane
You're thoughts begin to fray
and all you feel is pain

you feel your heart grow numb
you feel worthless with every thought
no matter how far you've come
No matter how many battles you've fought

What matters is that you win today
That you're just keep breathing and healing
That you don't let the sorrow stay
No matter how bad you're feeling

Remember there's always a glimmer in the dark
that to ignite a fire - all it takes is a spark
That you have the power over your own mind
your hope is hiding - if you search, you'll find

Joy is on the horizon rising with the sun
Don't give up, your journeys just begun
Weeping may last through the night
But the stars still shine so bright

Healing is a harrowing endeavor
That is always rough and steep
Pain and fear don't last forever
Remember that as you fall to sleep.

I just let them call me broken
Because they make it hard to speak
I can't help it I'm soft spoken
I can't help it that I feel so weak

After the abuse had ended
The words continued in my head
These voices I had befriended
Seemed to only want me dead

They keep me trapped in my past
Like a phantom
They keep me locked up in the dark
With no key
They keep me from feeling freedom
Because the voices all come from me

Pain took hold of my senses
Fear stole the breath from my chest
I tried to bolster my defenses
I thought it was for the best

Every thought feels like a blade
That rips right through my soul
In the prison my mind has made
My personal hell swallows me whole

All I did was cage myself in with the beast
That the monsters had made out of me
It tears me apart, my heart as its feast
I built walls so no one else can see

The echos of my tears and sorrow
Travel through my wounded mind
I can't believe I'll be better tomorrow
I just pray its hope that I find

Don't bother reaching out anymore
Remember you chose to walk away
You turned your back - shut the door
Ill keep it locked - that's how it'll stay

I'm through being a puppet in this game
You can hate me for all I care
In the end it's all the same
Even if it isn't fair

Even if you're screaming - crying
The bridge is burned I won't answer the call
You won't find me don't bother trying
I refuse to watch you fall

Don't you dare say you love me - not now
It wouldn't do you any good it'll just hurt
It isn't really true anyhow
At this point I won't hear it - just divert

So I will whisper goodbye on the breeze
Ill kiss my past farewell
Ill let the love I had for you freeze
Its already so close - I can tell

You ruined everything we once had
I needed you and you left me to decay
I will do the same - isn't it sad
That there's nothing left to say

I'm a broken spoken word poet
Who's hurt but doesn't show it
The current of despair pulls me below it
I'm stronger than this and I know it

My words fall short I grow quiet
Though in my mind there's a riot
Ill hang my heart out to dry it
From the tears I supply it

I have to fight through or die trying
I say I'm fine but they know I'm lying
Because the pain that I've been denying
Keeps me alone and silent while I'm crying

So I'll just keep on writing
Ill never give up fighting
The sorrow that keeps on biting
The darkness that feels so inviting

I just wish someone had told me
That my demons can't console me
That I didn't have to let them enfold me
I'm renewed and they all will behold me

The lies that my mind has sold me
Can no longer control me
These demons can not hold me
Because I'm casting off the old me


I'm turning away from a tortured past
I'm through holding dreams not meant to last
I'm done feeling drowned and downcast
I have my new lease on life and I'm holding fast

I am climbing up from the end of my rope
I found faith when I ran out of hope
I hit rock bottom sliding down a *****
I prayed when I had no other way to cope

Doing this I found wisdom and understanding
With knowledge of peace expanding
But letting go seems so demanding
As does the pain I'm withstanding

I heard a song that reminded me of you
It brought waves of memories of all we've been through
I was flooded by the pain of not having you near
I thought of you on your deathbed and it fed into my fear
I was swallowed with regret
Of the words I've never said
I was burdened by the grief
Of the reasons I had to leave
I mean it seems I was only an obligation
A friend only in my own imagination
Not a daughter to love
A girl with out a father except the One Above
That to you I was a burden too hard to carry
So you dumped me in the world alone because my trauma was too scary
How am I supposed to forgive and forget
When you still turn your back and your mind is set
To excuse the abuse you watched people inflict
On me and my children to avoid conflict
Well you chose who you chose
And everyone knows
You'd turn your back on the one who loves you most in exchange for my foes
So I won't call because you don't want to be reminded of your flaws
So regret doesn't shake you around in its jaws
I'll just let it be what it is and walk away
Though it haunts me that I will lose you one day
But really I've already lost you before
When you stopped saying I love you and my heart was torn
When you and the others stripped away my life
You sided with my brothers to cause me strife
I should have had enough then
Ill say it now i wont let you hurt me again
I should have told you when my heart got broken
But it was too hard to let the truth be spoken

Seething rage kindled by hateful words
Your hands bruised my baby girl
You tell me it's my fault for not protecting her
My mind weaves hatred in a blur
You despicable low life drunken ****
I should help you remove your smirk
By making you swallow your teeth with your words
For every betrayal ..for every lie..for every tear you made me and my babies cry..

You deserve to die. No worse yet...you deserve to live in all your hate.
To torture yourself in a prison you create
To squander what you have to become grief stricken
Because you know you'll never be forgiven

It's your loss with the bridge you've burned.
Because every pain you have, you've earned
I hope you rot in the hell of your mind
That God hardens your heart and keeps you unkind
That you never get better, and end up alone
High up on your lofty throne
A throne built on S... and lies
Congratulations you're the lord of flies
You deserve worse than what i could do
You deserve to be alone with you
Drowning in your own self pity and doubt
Thinking you're better, as if you have clout
You're nothing to brag about!
You're violent, ugly, cruel and sick
I hope you choke on your own.......
Our family puts the fun in dysfunctional
And I'm through with the game
I pray one day that ill just forget your name.