If I stand here can you still feel me?
The coarse threads, silky strands,
The moving flesh and heart,
Stilled by solid ice of bones.

Blinking is of no avail,
I think, I can still see everything, though the illumination is faint,
As if I’m watching the world change colours from light to dark, from dark to darker;
By now I can’t even read your expression, because I never knew the first thing about you,
And you never tried to understand me.

At times when the room was spinning and I tried to speak,
To make you comprehend the warmth, the stretch, the combustion inside me,
The only answer I received was a hot gush of breath leaving your parted lips,
And I lost the fight against the white blaze burning behind my eyelids.

Just now do I realize, as I reach for your hand in mid-air and lace my fingers with yours,
That the unwavering darkness of your gaze made my lights fade out.
But I don’t feel the loss, no wave of remorse washes over me,
Because your black is more radiant, than my white ever could have been.

Does it make any sense,

how you are so far away.
Why are you here in front of me, when I can’t reach out to touch you.
you are so painfully real, I wish I just made you up.
Aren’t there plenty of things between us? So many, I couldn’t even count

the time. the minutes, the days, the ages.

All those adventures I haven’t accompanied you on.
All those problems you solved with someone else.
All those stories you haven’t shared with me.
All that warmth you are radiating with but I’ll never feel.

Why is there the deepest gap I can’t jump over.

I’m trying to build a bridge every night in my sleep.
The abyss doesn’t let me through, there is no other side I’m trying to reach.
Nothing I could grasp and hang onto, nothing I could ever imagine to see.
Just me, looking into the darkness standing on the edge of a broken dream,
feeling tremendous hope, scorched by the fire of excitement.

I’ll never understand what that look in your eyes means.
Those questioning blues, feeling them hit me right where it’s best.
Unknowingly, uncaringly you don’t see it,
how it hurts me, all that hope I have for us.

Because we two don’t exist together.

You flashed your knowing smile at me
While I was searching for a friend.
I followed you without a doubt, as if this was my first and only chance.

The streets seemed endless and I spent half a day strolling after you.
Passed many unknown faces, none of them noticed neither me nor you.
All those foggy figures with eager hands stole reality away,
Making me forget how life was before your path crossed my way.

You continued the sluggish journey and I tagged happily along,
Knowing the clock was ticking and shared time could not last for long.
I opened up and you closed down,
You woke up, but I shut down.
We pretended it could last forever,
A life that never worked but still got better.
Found a little wonderland, tried to make some sense of it,
Though the walls got cracks and holes, you and I got lost in it.
Looked into your glistening eyes, saw you staring back through a liquid haze,
Felt your fingers touch mine as I reached down and stirred up the silent surface.
I pulled you up when you yanked me down,
The world fell apart and turned around.

But I never hit the river, and you remained underwater.

I felt your legs move, the slight sway of your hips caused by each step.
My knees gave out and you landed on the ground without protest.
I opened my mouth and you whispered breathless ’What’s out there to see?’
Finally I realized there is no you or me;
there is only we.