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AnxiousOcean Aug 2017
I once was a brave kid
never was afraid of a thing or two
fond of challenges, adventures
and whatever l might go through
happiness is what I've felt
when I was one of many children
happiness that I always wished
that would never ever end
I ran and soared
like a free bird in the clouds
I fell, got wounded
I would scream a little loud

but when I was a child
there's a thing that is worth to lie
and that is I fear monsters
and through them, I might die

as I grew older
the monsters were gone
and my fears were heightened
all I want is to run
I want to run
and I want to run back
back when the days were brighter
and the nights were shorter
when all I can do is enjoy
and all I can be is happy
where running is just a game
and smiling is a daily routine
where time is not fast
but did not know
that It constantly runs till last

but then it all happened
and soon I'll be part of the past
I once was a healthy seed
but now is a tree of rust

I wish I could go back,
go back to the backyard
AnxiousOcean Aug 2017
why do we love?
why do we seek love?
why do we not tire?
why do we set fire?

I ask myself questions
I ask myself why
but answers are vague
and still, I don't know why

the answers are maybe
maybe this, and maybe that
maybe love demands to be found
as pain demands to be felt

and so I thought,
maybe pain hasn't demanded yet
maybe people do love because
they love to regret

aren't you hurt enough?
do you need more pain?
or are you not hurt at all?
all you have is gain?

you may think I'm pathetic
no
I'm just hurt

and you'll understand me
once you feel what I felt

and soon you'll ask me
why do I not love

well then I'll answer,
because I was once in loved
I do hope you got my point, or understand it. It's just that the speaker was once in love and he was hurt and he never did love again
AnxiousOcean Jul 2017
One thing about the rain
It's not just water nor droplets
But bullets of different emotions
A match stick that burns your soul
In a deep, vague coldness

Some found happiness from it
I once did
And some did find something
They did not want nor expect

But a thing about the rain
You will always find something
It will always give you a thing
Even if you're not aware
And when you're not aware
Let me tell you that it's the rain

A thing about the rain
It's a door that leads to places you once went
It opens widely for a rent
More than being water, it is a memory
Although you cannot tell
If it is the same place
You once longed to be
We cannot say that the door is safe
Nor is it free

Some were trapped
Some managed to escape
Some managed to smile
And I managed to fear
I fear that rain would prolong and
Would bear a fruit
But it didn't
It just plucked up a great root

How wonderful the rain could be
How it crashed to ground a resilient tree
How one could change with a single memory
And how rain triggers my anxiety
AnxiousOcean Jul 2017
I'm tired
I'm tired of everything
I want to cry
I want to shout
I want to explode
I want to stop
I want to do something
but I'm tired

I want to curse people
I want to curse myself
everything, and everyone
who caused me
to feel like this
to feel lost and alone
so vague and so drowned
to feel so tired

I felt suicidal
thinking death could end it all
but I don't know
I've been overthinking so much
and my mind is tired
my heart is tired of pain
and it's palpitating with grief and hatred

I'm useless, so worthless,
nonsense
I felt nothing
no one

and despite all of these
all I want is someone
someone to support me
someone who will care
someone who will be there
because I'm tired
but no one dared to
no one attempted to
and no one did

that is why I'm tired
AnxiousOcean Jul 2017
but you still proceed

ironic, right?

to write a word
that was not meant to be read
and to create a bond
that was not meant to last

somehow, I whisper, "don't love"
because endings are the worst part
and don't even try
for it will only tear you apart

I don't care,
does that make me look tough?
for all they say that they do care
but no one cared enough

then, I don't know
what am I saying? what am I doing?
because they must know
that I also have a feeling

the last "don't" is not for me
it's for you
and for the bond that lasts

I said, "don't leave"
but you still proceed
nonsense
AnxiousOcean Jul 2017
If you think I refer to the view that we all know
an abstract that dreams blue, red, orange, and yellow
well, that can be seen as we channel in the night
as we glimpse the last pouring of daylight.

I love stories; I read them, I feel them
and more than that, I understand them
you share what you love
so I'll share one

This is not a story, quite a poem,
quite literature, but one thing I know
this is the truth, the whole truth
nothing but the truth, my truth

this is boring, boredom
won't force you to read
but if you find it interesting,
I'll do my best to proceed

stories aim to share and to tell
tell anything, share a thing
everything, every feeling
something about nothing

But the rule is simple:
read, learn, and move on
for the story does end
stories aren't permanent

I hate how I find myself at the ending
realizing things, and gazing at the beginning
looking back at the past, just looking back
for the past is done, you are not, but you are about

For a fool like me who believes in eternity
that things will last forever, even eternally
It hurts to know that all will end
even more to know that it cannot be bent

you can't do anything
better to know nothing
I became a taste of bitterness
I hate it, but it is it

Endings are void
once you reached it, you'll be lost
you'll know you're there
when you find yourself nowhere

and yet, I lost you here
AnxiousOcean Jun 2017
the person you sang with
with rhythm of ups and downs
and him you have been with
when your face's frowned

he never gets tired
just to draw you a smile
anything for you
even crawl for a mile

I may not make you love me
I may not call you "mine"
but the ability I have
is to make you smile
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