Your not who you wanted to be
Your not even close
When you look at old photos of yourself you see a ghost

And you haunt your every dream
With doubts and insecurities

You float right through the ceiling
Can’t keep a steady path
Your losing faith in hoping

Stopped wearing that cross around your Neck and you kiss your mother still
You aren’t all that bad my friend

Your not a hero but you ain’t the villain
You want to be free
You want what you can’t get

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

Had a sip of a sour beer at party
started talked down to kids
Made a speech about the future
Passed out in your parents bed

But you swear you wore a crown
And made demands
But those who were there know best
You were a joker in the end

So hold on My friend
Those funerals were reminders
Of where you could have been
Don’t be ashamed

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
My friend
Hold on to the end

And you went home for the holiday
Saw an old love
You thought the flam went out so long ago
But it’s smoldering

And you sat on a stoop at your parents house In the early morning we said our peace Told secrets we had buried deep
What a night it was

Just hold on
And take it slow
This ride is almost over

I know you don’t wanna slow down
You reached the limits of this small town

Just a few more steps
And you’ll be home
You’ll be there
Hold on to the end

What if you were the skeletons in your own closet
And waiting for someone to come find you and wake you up
But when they do, you wish you could go back
To pretending like everything was fine,
there in the pitch black

You wanna make this work
But it harder then it looks
They don’t tell you this in school
Sometimes I know life seems cruel
But you just be cruel right back
Don’t ever look back

You float together like ghosts
Over the whole **** world
As you watch it burn, you think
But God does this feels like home

A triggered kid in the cross walk
An Altima with a judgmental face behind the steering wheel
Oh to feel like a kid again
To feel rebellious and alive again

To roam this town like a wondering gypsy
Till the shadows danced on the pavement
To be naive to a broken heart
Or to learn how to wield it

You float together like ghosts
Over the whole **** world
As you watch it burn, you think
but God does this feels like home

Save my secrets for the trees
your sorries mean nothing to me
Just throw them out the window
Driving fast, have no fear
Crash the car, it’s ok
Buy a new one tomorrow

That’s how you live your life
Selfish, and out of spite
You live like you know they’ll be a tomorrow
Blows my mind
Like you once did

Took a train to the city
To go people watching
Like we once did
Central Park is so pretty this time of year
All alone but I feel so alive
You hated that about me
You just hated life

That’s how you live your life
Angry and out of your mind
You wake up every morning
And you can’t help but complain
And you say if anything else
Its for the fact
That you woke up at all

"Don't you get tired of it all?" she said,
As we passed the bottle around again.

The same old faces in the same old basment not doing anything.

We all get high just to pass the time,
telling stories of when we were young.

And with each past shared we lose a bit of ourselves.
We sit there collecting dusts like books on a shelf.

And we laugh about how we'll never change and how we won't turn out like our parents.

The night time comes stirring up our spirits.
And with each passing moment we wonder if not now then when?

We used to call each other friends,
now we're miles apart and barley keep in touch.

It takes so much to bring it up in a sentence,
now we interact with post cards dated for a special occasion.

Like ghost inside our former selves,
Envious of who we used to be.
We sit alone and contemplate when we decided,
If not now then when?

I’ve always had that feeling in my head
That nagging noise that I just can’t seem
To push away
thought I conquered it and made it out

But my thoughts keep tumbling and dancing in my head
I keep tripping and stumbling
In and out of my mind

But I can’t quit kick
That I feel so sick
And these thoughts keep haunting me
I can’t let it be

Because I got a feeling

It’s can’t be me
It’s got to be you
I ain’t the monster in this story
It’s got to be you

Because I got a feeling

It’s not what it seems
This life is a joke
Don’t take it seriously
You won’t make it out alive

Your a god among men
Do you see what you do?
How you self destruct?
Make it about you
I think that you don’t

Because I got a feeling

It’s can’t be me
It’s got to be you
But if your the villain
I’m the hero
And that wouldn’t be true

Because I got a feeling

Little dream
You have died
Gave you a funeral
They buried you.

Some years have passed
I still miss you
Who would have thought?
Not me.

I feel stuck
A string of bad luck
Tripping over my own faults
It’s all to much

I hate you for giving up like a child, with a toy they didn’t want
I hate myself for being so content
I hate this town, I’ve run out places to drive around.

I hate you
And I don’t even know why
You’ve been gone for so long
Like a ghost that haunts me now

I don’t know how
To go on anymore
But I still do
Like a zombie

I hope I bite you
And then you die
And we’re stuck together forever
And I don’t know why

Because I hate you
And always will
I don’t even know why
But I do and always will

I hold a bottle to the sky
To toast to you
You’ve gone away
Not forever but maybe
Depending on what you believe

I’ll miss you dear
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll keep your picture in my rearview mirror
I’ll always remember you

Your smile left a print
I’ll miss it dear
It made me happy when I was sad
I’ll have to get used to that

The way your car smelled like cigarettes
It was the worst
But it was you
And I will miss it too

I’ll see you see you soon
It’s not goodbye
Or it is
Depending on what you believe

I’ll miss you dear
I’ll miss you forever
I’ll keep your picture in my rearview mirror
I’ll always remember you

Saw you in a dream,
You were chasing me.
You followed me for miles,
Really wore me down.
You almost got me,
You almost won.

But I got away,
It ain’t as fun.
When you don’t get to ****,
The ones who want to do you harm.

I wish you well,
I hope you live.
To see a better day,
Or any day again.

I don’t know you,
But  I hope you get to live.
To see another day.
I know you’re brave.

You’ll survive it.
I hope you do.
I hope you finish the race,
I hope you win.

I love you now,
I loved you then,
I love you always.
And when it’s over,
I’ll love you still.

I’ll love you forever,
Until the sun burns out.
I love you now,
I’ll love you forever.

I'm alive!
I cried out to the midnight air.
Whispers of wind answered me back.
I'm alive and I want to live.

I'm alive!
I shouted to the loud crowded street.
Arms spread out and both feet together.
I'm alive and I want to live.

I'm alive!
All alone on a rooftop in my city.
Contemplating life and it's meaning.
I'm alive and I want to live.

I'm alive!
As I shake my hands in the air and scowl at the moon.
Today is not my day to die.
I'm alive and I want to live.

I remember winters,
when I was young.
I remember falling in the river,
When it was frozen.
Caught a glimpse of you in a person on the street, I followed them until it felt weird.

I miss you
I can’t believe,
It’s been so long.
I miss you.

You broke your leg,
Crabbing in Jersey.
The police let me ride in the back with you.
I miss you.

I miss you,
Like it was yesterday.
When I last saw you,
I miss you.

I saw in the hospital,
One to many times.
Always working on your leg,
It doesn’t matter now.

I remember crisp autumns,
Coaching my soccer team.
You screamed when we lost.
I remember it all.

I miss you,
Like it was yesterday.
I love you,
And I miss you every day.

I don’t need a reason
I can lose my mind at anytime
This constant needing
For validation
Keeps me alive

And I can feel it
The change in the season
You don’t need a reason
To tell me Im a mess
You could die from this stress

And so it goes
Without consequences
Another broken heart
To add to the wall
They’re only trophies after all

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

The credits start to roll
On the screen
But I stopped watching long ago
It’s too much like the real world
And it’s scary because it’s true

If You think for yourself
You’ll be locked up In a padded room
They won’t throw away the key
Just dangle it right out of reach
And you’ll still try to reach

You can’t help yourself
You wanna fix them all
But you keep falling apart
I’m the lock and your the key
Right out of reach

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
Wouldn’t you?

It’s always out of reach
That dream I’ve always dreamed
To be somebody else
To be somewhere far away
With anyone who cares

And suddenly there’s a sound
The lights go out and it all goes dark
And then I see it, the picture starts to clear
And I’m where’s I’ve always wanted to be
But I didn’t make a wish

Then I wake up
I’m all alone in my bed
And it’s just another day
But I’m alive
So there’s that

I thought I saw,
My shadow moving on the wall
But Im standing still
I try to keep my cool
But I remembered I’m not cool

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I miss the way
Everyone would stare at you

They all wanted to have you
But you were mine
I didn’t know what I had
Till you weren’t mine

Anymore, anymore
It’s a shame
And so sad
To have loved and to not have

Anything to show for it
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

And I see
From my phone screen
That your married now
At least your dream came true

You dodged a bullet
But the chamber wasn’t loaded
And I got bad aim
And I always wanna pull it

I miss you most
In a crowded room
I hate you most
When I think of you

Im your biggest fan
Your a star
And I didn’t even get your
******* autograph

I saw her in a dream,
Her smile alone took me.
A perfect scene,
Of beauty taking form.

It wasn't long before I made her mine.
It wasn't long before the fighting.
What went so wrong?
We seemed to be surviving.

We had the world in our hands,
But it slipped through our fingers like sand in a glass.
Oh the past has a way of haunting us oh so bad.

In a dream I saw you praying.
In a dream I fell in love with you.
I always knew you were a survivor.
In a dream I saw you as who you were.

In the cover of the night we say what we feel.
In the cover of the night our true selfs are revealed.
They come  creeping up from graves of past memories we buried long ago.
We are hidden from the truth.
Disguised to hide ourselfs.
This is the beginning of the end.
In the. Cover of the night we hide.
In the cover of the night we find out true selfs.

Been dancing by yourself
In the dark
For too long.
Always in a bad space
Head is filled with
Too much sad.
But every now and then
You smile
But you take it back
Like it was a bad word
And you are a child.
I’ve watched you stare
Out into stars
Waiting for someone
To pull you down.
Like your stuck in this world
In a giant waiting room
To be picked
But you just
Sit and wait.
And it’s eating you alive
But your bones are strong you say,
They’re not gunna get you
Not like this.
They had you on suicide watch
Behind glass like an animal
Pacing back and forth
But this ain’t a zoo
It’s your life.
So you keep dancing in the dark
All alone
Like a star of your own show
It’s easy when you know,
This is as good as it gets.

I remember when you told me to be brave,
And I won the championship game.
I remember when you said mom,
Doesn’t want you living here.

It was a spark,
That lit me up.
I knew then,
It was all down hill.

It the night I wished for you,
And I settled for dreams.
In the day I saw you,
And you made me scared.

I wanted to impress you,
But I let you down.
You wanted to impress me,
But you died too soon.

And the sky lit up,
With fireworks.
You said this was New Jersey.
And I always kept that in my mind.

And when the police man said you were dead.
I banged my fist against the fall.
And I walked down the stairs,
To the empty basement.

You were gone.
You were no more.
I said a prayer,
The first one in awhile.

.

Well you didn’t wake up,
And I didn’t learn everything.
There’s so much more to be said,
You left behind a legacy,
But that don’t mean much.
Me and my siblings,
Ain’t living up to it anyway.
But we’re making our way,
Through this thing called life anyway.
Without you here,
Wherever you are.
In the sun rise,
Or in the rain.
I see you face,
Sometimes when I drink.
But the hard truth is,
You ain’t coming back.
And this thought sends me hurtling back to reality.
Sometimes I can’t stand the sight of me.
Been searching for love,
But hearts break at the sight of me.
I’ve done some woman wrong,
And I can take it back.
I wonder if you would be proud of me,
When I stare into the dark.
And I wonder wherever you are,
Are you watching me?
In the sunset,
In the morning mist.
I’ll  always resent,
the times that we missed.
I see your face,
Sometimes when I drink.

In the desperate of hours
You creep back to your master
You burrow deep inside his womb
Is it to soon
To start talking facts
You can’t be serious
You can’t be considering this again
You build your walls
But they came crumbling
And your torn apart
But here you stand again
In armor weak
You can’t even speak
Your a mess
But your still breathing
After all the stones thrown
In your direction
You took a bottle and broke it on his head
And he bled
He bled so much
You didn’t know what to do
So much blood it’s like an ocean
Your feet in the sand
You take stand
Your rush towards the door
And to your car
You drive off into the night
You build a wall
You build your walls
You separate yourself from the pain
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
It’s all a game
You can’t win

You hurt me once and I laughed it off
it all a blur
And I shrugged it off
it hurt so much
Was quick like a touch
I made a wish
it was all I had
it was such a rush
the thought that it could come true
but it didn’t. I lost you
that’s just life
it’s filled with consequences
I don’t love you, but when I said it, I meant it
It’s a rush
it’s too much
I can’t take it anymore
When we’re done
Can you let my mother know
That I loved the best that I know how
Everything I’ve ever known
is a lie, is a lie
I can’t let it go
When will we ever know?
it’s too much for me to know
so let it go
The way it always was
that’s just life
there’s nothing we could ever do
it all in the same
I just want you to know
That I love you
I always loved you

You’re not a soldier
Not ready for war
This life is a battlefield
Some friends died long ago

See some new faces
But it never gets old
It’s OK to ask questions
Just do as you’re told

you’re not convinced I’ve changed
I’m not convinced I can
Went to leave a voicemail
It’s been full since Spring

It’s been a year
Since we burned down the house
Lost everything
Except for our self doubt

At least we killed all the ghost
They scared everyone away
A lot like your temper
still haunts me till this day

Said you’d quit drinking
threw all the alcohol out
Caught you the other day
Throwing hand sanitizer down

Pacing in your cage  
Always trying to get out
The door isn’t locked
You just hate going out

I’m not convinced you’ve changed
You’re not convinced you can
Said you were going to get cigarettes
It’s been a year since then

It’s been a year
since it all fell apart
this house is a crime scene
all torn apart

bodies everywhere
like Dahmer, it’s not fair
how can you just move on
while I’m stuck standing still

the doctor said I’m crazy
gave me these tiny pills
said take one once a day
it’s been a year

I wonder if you’d care to explain yourself?
    Not to make any off handed suggestion.
But I’m curious of how you draw so much attention?
      You don’t seem to belong.
You haven’t even a resemblance of class.
       I wonder if anyone’s ever told you?
How would that even come to pass ?
       And what’s worse is you don’t seem to care.
Haven’t you got any shame?
        Or do you hide in plain site wearing your pain?
I wonder what goes through your head?
        When you act how you do.
Teasing the boys cause you like how it feels.
        Spotlight on you like the sun always shining.
While all the boys you’ve hurt sit somewhere crying.
        Your striding with a smile while inside your dying.
I wonder what love would help you be sill.
        Or are you like a bird free and at your own will.

In your own thoughts
It’s predictable
So sad
Look at you your a fool
What a guy
Some would say a tool
But I wouldn’t use that hurtful langue
An acolyte achievement
Be a king
Be what they want you to be
Just be
Drive south until you hit the beach
Sit upon the sand
Take it in
Take a breath
Just be
Maybe jump in the ocean
Feel the rush of cold touch your skin
Let it in
Your a king
Write your own ending
Just be
Played a mix tape you were sent long ago
By a girl from long ago
Made you feel some type of way
So your out in the old town you grew up in
Looking for trouble
Back in New Jersey
Can’t get away from your shadow
it follows you
Let it be
Just be

How could we be creators of such great love
And then just let it go?
We should be ashamed
How could we say to each other
That we would never leave
And then one day never speak again
Not even as friends
It’s sad and it’s a shame
To have loved so hard and thrown it all away
Killers of the greatest love the world has ever known
And now it’s like it never even happened
A memory not even good enough to haunt me
And so it stirs above in the stars
With every other love that’s died and been forgotten
A universe of killers of love

Oh dear look at you
You look like you were just thrown away

Why don’t you go inside and wipe the night from your face

Stumbling In the early morning
Your breath smells of pain

You lay your head against the wall
And bite your lip and grin

You think to yourself
Tonight you have sinned

You don’t wanna be a lady
Your a queen and you don’t need saving

No king can hold you down
There’s only room for one crown

Don’t let them see you cry
They throw you around  

But it makes you feel alive
And isn’t that what it’s all about?

This thing called life

There was a boy who learned how to move the wind.
He was like a superhero.
He was on the news,
And in the papers, everywhere.

He was a hero until they killed him on the evening news.
The played the blues,
At his funeral.
It goes to show you, you never know how it will go.

I was there,
All dressed in black.
I saw his mother cry.
She screamed his name.
I’ll never forget.

It haunts me still.
I can’t sleep, I’m not well.
This life is such a game.
And I’m losing,
I’m losing so bad.

I visited the grave a year ago.
Just to say my peace.
I could have sworn I heard a voice say
Remember me.
And I don’t even believe in ghost.

For the pitiful man who steals a lighter
May he be a hero to another
The prince of sweet Justice
A flicker flame addict
A curse to whoever may show their flame
Give no curse to their name
They are but what you shall become
A lighter thief
No more no less
Just waiting till it’s your chance
To take is your right
your gift
Your crime of passion
No thought to your mind
A lighter thief you were always
Forever and now

These little things,
the build up inside of me.
Can’t feel a thing,
I’m consumed by the pain.
It takes steps to make it out of this.
I can’t help,
But to feel trap In this mess.
These little things,
The eat at my soul.
I need a break.
I can’t control how I feel.
These little things,
They’ve grown into something much worse.
I hate how much it hurts.
These little things,
They are so much more.

I’ve never been to California
But I don’t think that I’d like it
I’m the type to second guess
And I don’t think I’d make it
I’m so pessimistic
It eats me alive
But on a good day
I day dream
And It’s not so bad

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

Long car rides calm me down
I always say to myself
“This time I won’t come back.”
But I always do
So predictable
Always on cue

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
And then I wake up
They say it’s gets easier
But maybe I’m tired of waiting

Singing along  to New Slang by the Shins
In some girls living room
Sharing the same headphones
I remember thinking
“This is what music should be.”
now we don’t even speak  

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in hell
Im burning up
And I'm melting in place
At the same pace since forever
Just have to hope it gets better

Give me perspective,
Give me hope.
Give me the reason,
Give me the rope.

At the long road ahead we find that life can be hard.
Let’s come together, let’s make it work.
We are the future, let’s leave the past.
In the back of our minds untill it’s gone.

They talk in circles around your head.
They say your wrong when you are mad.
But you got questions to ******* thoughts.
It’s all a trick to make you question yourself.

At the end of your rope.
At the bottom of your hope.
Don’t be discouraged, don’t be afraid.
Your life is your own to break or save.

No light.
No life.
All dark.
All hate.
Be sound.
Be true.
Give love and make it what you want it to be.

At the end of your rope.
At the bottom of your hope.
Don’t be discouraged, don’t be afraid.
Your life is your own to break or save.

Marshmellow soul
Covered in all the wrong things
Your a nightmare, not a dream
I just thought you’d like to know
That I don’t like you for what you did
Any I’m pretty sure it was my fault anyway
I can hear you say it like it was just today
I’m not alone
But why do I feel like it
Your like a ghost haunting me still
Can’t let it go
It’s clenched in my fist
Crazy Some people never get to feel this
I’m not lost
But I can’t seem to find my way
It’s this place
I grew up in and can’t leave
It’s got me ****** in
I’m a prisoner
I should have listened
When you said I had to run
Far away
I’m starting to think it’s just my fate
It’s crazy some people never get to feel this

I call your phone
but you don’t answer
Your out there
dancing in the dark.
And some point in between
Drinking and
playing make believe
I make peace with it all
We’re not kids anymore
We can’t get away with bad words
They stick around
And they sting and sometimes
Make you want to rip out your heart
I left a voicemail once
Silent as the stars above
You didn’t respond anyway
I laugh at it now
When I’m feeling down
It makes me feel better
That it makes no sense
Just something I let
stain the walls of my head
Like a pacing tiger in a cage
I lay in my bed
the ceiling a stage
For the memory of what could have been
No missed calls
Not ever
not even once
The dial tone puts me to sleep
A lullaby of static brings peace
Just one more try before I go to sleep
I’m a glutton for punishment
A problematic trait
That describes me

Your feet in the sand
Of a beach
on the other side of the world
And I can’t understand
How you made past the front door

Im caught up in the in between
I can’t make it past the start
I don’t even know where that is
It’s something out of a dream

So when the  bc phone doesn’t ring
Im not surprised
I don’t know why
I even have this thing

In a catatonic state
To busy to eat
But so much time on my hands
It’s a wonder I can even speak

Don’t let the monster out
I keep telling myself
Keep it buried deep
But it wants to feed

Don’t let the monster out
Oh what fun we could have
Keep it buried deep
Don’t listen when it speaks

Oh but it’s so convincing
Knows just what to say
I don’t dare to release it
It wants to eat

I have not seen the shiny city upon the hill.
I have not dabbled in violent thrills.
I have not gazed upon a setting Sun,
To busy always looking at the ground.
Such beauties have I never known even when in front of me.
What do I make with what is left?
What path do I carve out for myself?
Do I run through the night in the Moons dancing light?
Pray to a mighty God gazing from the sky?
Perhaps sit still in the dark and wait.
Past the city lights out beyond the island,
An ocean so blue and big.
I imagine my thoughts are carried by the wind out to someone else.
I have not found my peace of mind,
Although im not so sure I want to.
This violent life brings violent surprises.
I await for my next.

Don't read into this.
Do not care.
These words have a purpose.
These words have a destination.
Let them flow.
Let it go.
Read what I wrote.
Think what I felt.
Know what I know.
Isn't that why your hear?
To read some words that make your care?
Or read a line that touches your fears?
A word to you is a memory to me.
Read what I say and think how I feel.
It's just another poem.
I know you've heard it all.
But just try to get how maybe this made me feel.

I wrote some poetry
but nobody seems to care
I write about all my feelings
And no one wants read it
But I understand
It’s not their responsibility to keep me happy
But it be cool
If someone read what I wrote
And told me how they feel too
I think that would be kind of cool
So just a thought
If you had a thought let me know
And I’ll write it down
Or won’t
It’s up to you
I just want to share my poetry with you

New Jersey born and raised
A little liquor makes me brave
Sad stories of the past
Always brought up after a few drinks

Somebody told me you ain’t grown
Until you talk about the past
And when you do it all becomes the same
You become a pawn in life’s game

Hold it in
Be a man
That’s what they tell you when your young
Don’t be weak

So easy to pull the trigger of your gun
Your a saint
Until you’ve done what you never thought could be done

I’m from New Jersey
You always know when your time is up
You don’t believe in love
It’s over before it’s done

I’m from New Jersey
Always looking to avoid the toll
I’m not unhappy
Just angry about it all

The traffic to the shore
The smell past exit 12
On the parkway
We know the way back home

I’m from New Jersey
I love it all
The angry people
But not as angry as if
you came from New York

Young fools tiptoe in the dark
The moonlight dancing on their skin
Naked, vulnerable to the night
The stars their only witness

Clothes crashing to the floor
Bare to one another
Shy no more, they embrace
Only but for a second to have a taste

A toe shatters the cool still water
The ripples retreat outward
A night swim commences
Ambitions tossed aside

In this man made body of water
Two souls swim with the devil
Playful splashes give way to passion
A reflection of youth floats away

Someone told me
it’s the ones you look up to
That will disappoint you the most.
I thought what a ****** mindset
That’s why my hero is myself.
Driving home at the first light
The sunlight washes off the night
And with it all my bad decisions
There’s an Elton John song playing low
Someone said where do we go?
And I laughed and said home.
And they said
We are home.
And that stayed with me for
Every single sunrise
And it came to be
A tradition to remember
And night I wish I could forget
There’s an Elton John song playing low
As my arm hangs from the window
And I’m comforted by the fact
That I’m nobody’s hero.

Star like girl, atmosphere all her own.
The universe revolved around her.
And everyone was drawn to her like there was some atmospherical pull.
She shines so bright, like a stare burning out in front of our eyes.
Go north my dear
Go towards the brightest star
Go where the life always is.
Let's be clear my love.
From here your choices are clear.
Your a shooting star headed for a clear night sky.
A calm sky.
Stretched across my head.
Dawn breaks and I can feel it all.
No questions or thoughts of doubt.
I know what is to come of this.
Go north my dear
Go towards the brightest star
Go where the life always is.
Let's be clear my love.
From here your choices are clear.

Oh, you think you are the hero of the story
I was there, the night you punched  her in the face.
You told her she was boring, and the reason why no one ever sticks around this place.

Oh, they say don’t throw stones in glass houses,
but you never did what you were told.
And if anyone ever asked me, I told them
You were always a good friend to me.

You never went to church
Yeah, you taught me how to curse
You learned to be mean from your father
The therapist asked if you wanted to change,
And you said why bother?

Learned to smoke cigarettes over a pack of menthols
Helped  you get past your parents divorce in the fall.
That one time I got so drunk I couldn’t walk
You helped carry me home that night
And now we only talk sometimes.

Oh, you think that you’re the hero of this story.
I was there the night she told you it was your baby
You cursed at her and called her crazy
She walked home alone that night.

Your never to old to feel regret
That’s the thing, it’s hard to forget
Find Solis in a bottles grasp
A cigarette still makes me think of the past

Few There ain’t no hope left
In this cigarette smoke
Like the D.A.R.E officer said
There ain’t hope in dope

Torn between your Sunday school friends
And the *** heads
You hang out with
On the weekend

Spend your time watching true crime
In a basement your left behind
Everyone moved away
Can’t hold on to today

Forever seems so far away
You’ve loved before
Gave your heart away
Only to have it torn  apart

Your the villain in this story
You played your part
Gambled Away everything
You lost your heart

I feel like I’m an old man
Hunched over with a half smoked cigarette
clutched between my fingers
eyes straight ahead watching reruns of I love Lucy on Tv land at 10:30 on a Tuesday
Then I have an outer body experience
Im floating above my body looking down at this shell of a person
Who is this person I see?
Is it me?
Absolutely frightening
An Alcohol and pity filled sack
“Hey cut him some slack,”
I say to myself
“You don’t know what he’s been through.”
but I do cause it’s me
and it’s sad
cause it’s real
So at least there’s some beauty there

You’re old and dying,
And you’re tired.
You can’t keep your eyes open,
Long enough to see time pass.
Oh you’re so behind, you’re stuck in the past.
You’re one last breath from death,
But you won’t give up.
You whispered you ain’t giving up for God.
You old twisted soul,
You always find a way to make them pay.
And by them I mean the ones who loved you now and till death.
It be gift if you just went.