I am an addict, but not by choice.
choosing to fall, falling for you.
I am an addict, but not by selection.
by your voice, by your deception.

This perfect you, Desires not us, neither just I.
I is still me, I is unable, I am the problem.
Ought to be solved, or mustn’t be left.
Not to be chased, but left on delivered.

so many think, but few know.
Falling for you, was just like taking a breath,
Now you tell me, how does one stop breathing?

A moment not long ago life was perfect,
meaning, you were permanent.
Feeling like the world and what might control it had done justice.
Making everything less important,
being just us.

Once quite a while ago life was about living.
Living life longing for no more than needed.
Its memories, fogged by what grew from underneath it.

Between this chaos a whisper calls.
This voice, telling me it wishes time stalls.
To find within this pandemonium, a moment about me.
A moment, for once, to seek some clarity.

Lost in a playlist put on shuffle.
My life, not rough, but kinda dull
My longing for peace, my need to heal,
it's now I start to feel.

I need a moment.
Just one.
one for me.
for once.

I'm supposed to be over you,
But you’re still everywhere.
My feelings talking through an opposed view,
shunned by someone for whom I care.

feeling the warmth combined with the smell of mint in the air,
reading into our past but you're not there.
Message upon message, trying to find the reason behind,
behind leaving me with just your echoes.

Echoes roaming through my mind.
Keeping me chained, unable to progress.
Until I say what everyone knows.
You're gone, I must confess.

../../2024
-

it kills me, it kills me how I have to watch as others can't see what I see.

The story of your language you speak so happily.

How your heart is without much of a worry.
How you talk more when you're silent.
How your mind is just so brilliant.
How you look up to the ones you trust.
How you love to entertain.

Telling you is a must.

But not being able to drives me,
insane.

Words are unable to do justice.
Justice to what my heart yearns for.
Words to my affection won't be honest.
Justifying my need for more, more than me.

Gave you “something” I hadn’t discovered.
Having a hole in my soul the size of something.
left my all in the open without it being covered.
I am now less, less of me. I had it coming.

This void is now locked behind a gate.
Its destiny is decided by our fate.
You still hold the key.
The key to me, all of me.

You hold the key,
For now and forever.
For Nunc et semper.

I know, I know
I know, I know…

My best friend calls it a lie. Whether that is true or false I know it's worthy of a try. it's unrealistic, it's impossible, it's weird, “or so they say”. could it be a trick? I know my feelings aren’t exactly as clear as day.

I always have the need to be with said someone, whose name I can't even disclose. It’s my affection that I need to decompose. But I just want to hold her tight and never let go. tell her how I feel, how I really feel.
Why is it that this thing I can't let go moves so slow? Is it just an endless pit of sorrow? Is it even real?
so I guess

I know I know
I know I know…

love is not real.

“or so they say”