When I was younger, I had a bright future planned
Sipping margaritas by the ocean while my skin tanned
The love of my life holding my hand..

But in this moment, nothing is what I expected
My passions and my heart, neglected
I know I have a lot to be grateful for
I have people in my life whom give me their endless support
But I'm not satisfied
And I'm not motivated

Feeling unworthy and unappreciated

So many people
So many stories unknown
Sometimes I can't face them
So I dwell with my demons at home

Hating myself for hindering
Hindering out of fear
Choking down potential
Wishing someone.. anyone.. would dry my tears

I'm failing
Failing at this heartache,
This beautiful, envigorating tradjedy we call life
I don't understand why we make it so hard
Maybe I just haven't found the one to help make it right.

There was a girl.
She loved to dance with the breeze.
Her heart used to sing, as she swayed with the trees.

But one day the wind stopped, and out rolled the thunder.
Disoriented and confused, she had many blunders.
How could she have known how deep into the pit she would fall.
She hated her life, but was too proud to shout out her call.
Her scandals have her trapped.
For a permanent effect on the mind and heart has occurred.
Her body as well has suffered.
Her will to carry on is blurred.

She should have listened when she had the chance.
But she was to curious and he seemed so advance.
She thought honesty about potential harm would be an innate human trait.
But not everyone is good in this world, and in her heart she has developed hate.  

She tries to forget by hiding tears with laughter.
But a way to escape her life is all that's she's after.
There's always one in the batch that's just like its makers.
She got the worst of both her parents traits, and she knows where they will take her.
She has no illusion, and she hopes for the worst.
Just to hide from her shame and to make the ones who made her this way feel worse.
Make them hate themselves because of what they caused.  
It's not like she doesn't hold herself accountable but she feels that in her life there's been fraud.

How could you do it with so little a care?
You've destroyed a healthy life.
How is that fair?

She was honest about herself, and you have stolen her hope.
For her quality of her life, she has little faith.
I hope one day you read this and you compare it to yourself.
Are you the one who destroyed her?
The one so easily sabotaged her health?
Can you admit it?
Can you walk with your head held high?
I pray that when she takes her last breath, you feel in your heart her last bitter sigh.

A flower sways upon a rolling hill
Basking in the sun
She has quenched her thirst with the morning dew
And her day has just begun

The flower stands tall and proud of her petals
As they compliment the meadow
When suddenly upon the hill
She sees a dancing shadow

A young child comes frolicing toward her
And upon her petals the child stares
She pulls her face up to the flower's eye
And envelops it within her hairs

The child caresses her nose upon the petals
and takes a giant whiff
The flower fears what could possibly happen
And her stem becomes stiff

The child wraps her hand around the flower's base
And thrusts upward with a pluck
The flower has been free'd from the ground
And is no longer stuck

Her beauty has brought a child happiness
But at what cost?
Taken from her home
The flower is now lost

In the distance the child's mother is calling
And the child beings to sprint towards the voice
The flower slips through the child's fingers
And she leaves it behind by choice

The flower travels with the wind
Gliding through the sky
The sight is so beautiful
Who knew flowers could fly

The gust of wind softens
And she falls back to the grass
She lay there taking it all in
Back home alas

She realizes she has little time
Before her petals wither away
So she lay there basking in the sun
Enjoying her last day

She does not groan or weep
But glances at the leaves on the trees
For a flower without water
Can still feel the breeze

Am I that predictable?
Is this question even applicable
What is this feeling that is churning inside?
What am I trying to hide?
I’m an open book so the is a nasty equation to the reality I’m in
Try to cut it like a wire to a bomb but I’m a blind man
So I sit here lost in my mind and explode over here all alone
I think you’re all in on it but the sad thing no one really knows
So I play this sick game between my flesh and my soul
If you feel me you understand they go toe to toe
Trying to see the world through only spirit
So many people around me can’t adhere to it
Making me think I’m loosing my mind just cause aren’t sure they can foresee what’s within mine
Only way I can express myself is through paper and pin
I guess I’ll just wake up tomorrow and start over again

Space Cadet won’t you come down
Keep your chin up girl and put on your crown
You know you’ll wrinkle your face if you continue to frown
Hit another blunt girl and let it all out

I have a family and a life I love
Can’t seem to shake the stress of being a woman in a world so ****** up
Want people to think I’m pretty
Never want anyone’s pity
Been through **** you’d think was too gritty but here I am smiling
Smoking cigarettes everyday but my teeth still shining
You like my word play and the way that I am
But live in me for a day and you’ll see how empty this being can be
You know my face but you don’t know me
Only see what I want you to see
Open book but still it happens subconsciously
Working on my glow up and just being me

Space Cadet won’t you come down
Keep your chin up girl and put on your crown
You know you’ll wrinkle your face if you continue to frown
Hit another blunt girl and let it all out

Deep breathing and a namaste are not enough sometimes to get me through my days
I pass it off like I’m okay and I will be
I have a better future coming than you or I could see
Separate myself from my mind and body
And float away but not too far so I can still find me

Space Cadet won’t you come down
Keep your chin up girl and put on your crown
You know you’ll wrinkle your face if you continue to frown
Hit another blunt girl and let it all out

Deep breathing*
Dance
Polish off your *****
Dance
Jello shot
Stumble
Where are my friends?
Dance
Its so hot in here
Three more shots
I'm ******
Drunk
Makeout with a random guy
Ooo, there's wine
Two glasses
Black out
Throwing up in the sink
Friend is on the toilet peeing for the sixth time in the past hour
Makeup check
Compliment me or I'll complain
Dance
Grind on what appears to be a hot guy
Party Boy
Makeout
Wanna ****?
Climb to the roof
There's a couch
He's too drunk to get hard
What are fingers for?
Someone comes up
Your caught in the act
Embarrassed
He wants to take you home
You agree
Why?
You don't want to go home
Cigarette
Meet his friends
Blurred vision
Slurred speech
***
Terrible
Wake up
Headache
Nausea
Shower
Get home
Take better shower
Water
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Go to class
Wait until next weekend.

Oh, Aphrodite, how do you handle such passionate desire?
Goddess of love, beauty, and pleasure, do you ever tire?
You so freely show your body, wearing little attire
Call on your doves and sparrows
Fly me away from life's vicious arrows
A pluck of a rose, a symbol of you
How many lovers have you gone through?
Why do you cast your spells upon me?
Cant you see I yearn to be set free?

I was there sitting in front of you
You and your buddy cracking jokes from behind
You think you’re so funny
But in my head so far I’ve already correctly predicted every line
I listen in with more focus as you laugh at the possibility of “tumbleweaves.”
I thought it was a little funny because I used to say those types of things.
I’m intrigued now, I wanna know what is coming next
Hoping it’s something that I haven’t heard before for that I could add to my index  
As he continued to talk I felt I entered his hora and became him
I was disappointed
He said something so stupid that I don’t even remember what he said
And you’ll never guess next what I did
As the words flowed out of his mouth my mouth mimicked every syllable silently and I moved as if I had strings  
When this joker laughed at the pun of his joke
An identical laugh came out of me
My finger automatically went down my throat because the lack of amusement literally gagged me
Opening my eyes and sitting up after he made my stomach curl
I remembered I was sitting in a courtroom with two cops watching me and sitting in between two girls
The man behind automatically shut up when he realized that I had duplicated his laugh and mannerisms prior verbatim
I looked ahead giggling in my head about the out of this world that experience I had
I never knew having a long **** weave would not just give confidence but provide me with unpredictable fun
The cops are laughing because they saw the ordeal and could tell I was not upset but disappointed about being unamused
The girl next to me, whom had turned her body language complete closed off to me after my outburst
Had her name called to the stand and had to go up first
I got slightly salty because her head was half shaved
My hair was made fun of for apparently trying to make my hair “look white” and this girl had half of head shaved & her skin pearly white
Looking like an African American woman’s hairstyle that I have seen since the beginning of my days
One cop walks over by me as if to intimidate me or check things out
He looks over at me trying to read my face
In deep thought and serious, no doubt
But he saw my glance to the girl and the podium and after seeing what happened I believe he put two and two together
I feel he would have agreed that the double standard is ******* and that on that day on me my hair looked better
I want long hair and she wants her short
So shut the **** up and who cares what you think you know inspired its source
But truly the moral of the story is if your going to talk **** you have to at least be funny of course

Such an unceremonious goodbye,
Such longing in my sigh..
Yet, I know it's best if I never see you again.
But I miss your eyes
And your enchanting lies
But, most of all, I think I'll miss being able to call you a friend.

I know what you are thinking
I know that you don't care
You roll your eyes when I am speaking
Forgetting that I am even there
I saw the two of you leaving
A kiss you did share
I cant believe what I am seeing
I cant believe it, I wont, I don't even dare
My poor neglected heart is full of cobwebs
My soul has been set on fire
I'll hunt her down, I promise you
My vengeance wont let me tire
There's a madness you've placed within me
A wrath that burns with my soul
You've hurt my pride and now you must pay the toll
And once I capture your beloved
I'll bring her to your face
Tie her up to a chair
And then spray her down with mace
I'll torture her in front of you
So you can feel the equivalent of pain that I feel in my heart
Oh, you think that's bad?
I haven't even got to the best part
If she makes a single sound
Better yet, if you make one too
I'll cut out her tongue and I'll feed it to you
You should have know better than to deceive me
Hell, you would have been better off just to leave me
Once I'm through with your *****
I'm coming for you
I'll cut off the circulation to your ***** until it turns blue
But I wont remove it
I'm not that cruel
Your body can let it whither on its own
Let you live with your ghouls
We were once full of passion
Heated from the start
The thought that you would betray me
Rips my mind apart
For there is a side of me that very few know
Once you **** with my feeling, I'll never let it go
So go ahead and leave the house
I've already told you what I will do
If you ever cheat on me again, it will be the end of you.

thunder*
I always thought we'd be together
You and I, we said forever..
In the rain I am standing
Why am I here?
This is bad planning
I see light flicker through a crack in the curtains
The curtains I bought for you when you first moved into to your place
I practiced every word I’m going to say to you
I’ve covered every trace
I'm at your door step
Too afraid to knock
My hearts sinks like a stone in my stomach
Feels like I swallowed a rock
I blink rain and tears from my eyes
I’m happy the storms raging so it muffled my delicate cries
I walked all the way here
Yeah, I still go on walks
My hair is soaked, cooling my fresh and steaming thoughts
Everything is pounding, I’m hoping this ends like a book
Cold and shaking
How dramatic do I look?
The thought of this makes me laugh
Someone walks by the door
I think you heard me
I want to run and hide, I don’t have confidence anymore
But this is my chance, it will all be okay
The front door opens and I have nothing to say

It's your three year old daughter
I hear a woman say *Lilah, close the door honey.
Oh, no.
She's beautiful
She has your eyes
Your lips
Your hair
Your giggle..
But not all of her is just like you
She has hints of her mother in her too
Her mother..
The luckiest woman alive.
Help
I'm frozen
Run, ******* it, run!
But I cant
I hear her high heels coming toward the door
Lilah, who are you looking at?
There's no one there
Her mother cant see me
There's no more rain
It's a hot summer night
But my clothes are still dripping
There's blood on my shirt around where the branch impaled me
Glass is embedded into my hands
Lilah is still looking up at me, smiling
She's beautiful
You join your wife at the door
Your eyes full of happiness
Your lips would no longer shape to mine
Your hair is short and you've been weathered by time
I always loved your beard
You grab your daughter's hand and pull her inside
I on my knees crying now, because she should have been mine
You should be mine
**** being mortal and **** time
The day I died was the day you proposed
You got on one knee, the ring tied to a thorn'd rose
Thorn'd roses are my favorite
They show how something so delicate will go to great lengths to protect itself
Just like my heart..
It was a rainy day
The roads were slick
You leaned over and kissed me while you were driving
We hydroplaned
I didn't put on my seat-belt
Too busy looking at my gorgeous ring from my gorgeous man
We hit a tree
I was launched through the windshield
The branch went straight through me
I didn't feel any pain
The last words I spoke were your name
I loved you.
Oh, God how loved you
I still love you, even in death
I'm at your door step
But you cant see me..

I sit in my cage and wait for you to open the door
I've hidden away so long, that you don't even know who I am anymore.
But I see your face and it conquers all the rest..
I wish I could have realized that, for me, you were my best

But I've changed so much since the day we met
And when you said you loved me, I didn't think it was true
How could you love someone you barely even knew?

Since you've been gone, I locked my heart away
But now I'm gonna expose every inch of it
So I cant stop hiding and so the pain will go away:

I love to write poetry
I find comfort when I'm in the dark
I used to cut myself
And I believe every person is a work of art

I've tried to commit suicide
I never had a lot of true friends
I'm terrified of gorillas
And I'd really love to see the oceans

I have tripled the amount of people you said you had slept with
At least four of them are people you know
When you met me I was ******,
So you can imagine that I didn't take things slow
I hung out with the "wicked witch" of your group
And she introduced me to something that helped me not feel so low
And as I was up for days, hiking and praying to find love
Pupils dilated, lying to the ones I loved
I kept think of you, and why I wasn't your one

I stopped taking my pills,
Which were for Bipolar Disorder, not my thyroid
I didn't tell you the truth because I thought it made me sound crazy
I made out with your best friend..
But at the time I didn't know his ex was pregnant with two babies

I slept with your dealer
I dropped out of college
I'd rather have love than knowledge

Hard to make possible, when I'm addicted to ***
I crave human touch
Especially from the one person whose love I will never get.
I understand if you hate me
I hate me too
But I also love myself for finally telling you the truth

I'm afraid to grow up
Afraid of being alone
I'm afraid you wont show up
And that I'll forever be in this cage that's called Home.
But I've been sober for more than two weeks
I'm rebuilding myself
I have to take the initiative and take care of my health
I miss you like crazy..
And when I see you on Facebook I think back to that day
when you told me you loved and then I walked away..

I know that we'll probably never be together
And I guess that's okay
I just hope that you'll be able to forgive me someday.

Will you follow me into the woods?
Leave your mind behind?
Dance with the falling leaves?
Attach you hand to mine?

And once I've lured you through the slew of trees
And pointed out those honey bees
Then forced you down on your knees
Will you regret the decisions you've made?

I'll tell you you're a filthy girl
Say you make me want to hurl
And then force myself into you
No questions asked

Take away your sweet endeavors
Get my fill of hostile pleasures
All this time you've known me I've been masked

With your innocence I'll take your self control
Controlling someone was my goal
No worries you'll be an addict soon enough
Because a thrill like mine is hard to beat
And the taste of victory is often sweet
Though, you'll always feel a slight defeat

You take pills to feel better
They never seem to suffice
A temporary escape from your mind
Sure would be nice

But you're in a place where there is nowhere for you to run
Man, disappearing sure sounds like fun

What do you do when your world never seems to stop?
One moment your manic and feel like you're at the top

Somewhere along the way your world starts to diminish
You feel if your tumbling this hard
You might as well land with a big finish

So you do something you know one day you'll regret
Who cares?
You haven't got the energy to fret

You get release and finally feel free
And that's all that seems to matter
Until the day you realize you've given away your dignity
On a sliver platter

Look at you..
Watching me..
Circling hips and completely free

Sweat in my hair..
Blush in my chest..
Living with no regrets

Laugh like a goddess..
Smile like fire..
I can be everything you'll ever desire

Playing poker..
Winning bets..
Somebody should start cashing me checks

Boots heeled high..
Gypsy status..
Heart like the lost city of Atlantis

Powerful and confident
Tender to touch
I bet your curiosity has risen so much

You say you love me
I don't think you do
You cant love me
You don't know half of what I've been through

I feel bad saying goodbye
But it is something I must say
It would be wrong of me not to tell you
Wrong of me to string you along another day

I know it was I who said I missed you
But I've learned how to be on my own
I cant always depend on you,
Always calling when I feel alone

It's time I grow up
Time I move on
It is I whose been using you all along

I know you've hurt me
But don't beat yourself up
Things wouldn't be any different
It's not "Just your luck."

You are an amazing man
Someday your love will come
But as far as love from me goes
You will get none

So hold your head high
Hold on to your dreams
Reach for the stars
And remember the little things

You put your fingers in the back of your throat
In hopes you can gain what you have already lost
control
But you are lying to yourself
Because you never really had it

I look out the window and see you running alongside the train
I close my eyes and images of you flood my brain
All the fairytales told me you'd come when I needed you most
Craving to know the curves of your face..
Feels like I'm searching for a ghost

Darling, please put your arm around my waist

I'm at my lowest, a damsel in distress
Rescue me
Make me feel whole without taking off my dress

We used to stand side by side
You put your hand gently into mine
We twirl and things were fine but now you’re gone
Grown apart over the years
I watched you fade away
It’s strange cause I feel like I should have more to say
Knowing we were tight but we don’t belong together
Letting go of a friendship and watching it float away like a feather

Just a piece of something that when whole made up something of pure beauty
But alone is nothing but a trophy truly

It’s hard cutting ties but when I see the the happiness in your eyes
I know it was for the best
Just have been able to once know you shows I’m blessed
We got mad love for each other, just from a distance I guess

My mind is racing
Rambling
Spinning out of control
I cant stop it
Pleasing you was always my goal

I got so confused in my ways
Reversing not only by steps, but by days

When I was young I tried so hard to make everything alright
Always making impulsive decisions but never using spite
As I grew older, my heart started to die
I started to force things and forgot how to cry
To let out all the pain that has ever held me back

All the adults I know still have their pain intact

Where is that light that was once so vivid?
It vanished when we grew older and it has made us livid.

Animals snarling and glaring at one another
Traveling in pacts, but leaving behind fellow brothers

But not you, dear Dan
You have been all that you could be
You lifted my spirits
You had faith in me

I only wish I could see you once more and be proud of where I am
Since you saw me last I have not followed our plan

Day by day you were there to help me see
That the demons I saw in others were just a reflection of the demons that lived in me
You sat by the pond and listened to my soul when words my mind couldn't retrieve
When I lost faith in humanity, your trust made me believe

I'm sorry I turned out just like the last and became worse than ever
I wish I could say that my decisions are more clever
But I cant lie to you Dan
I never could
Although it's not what we had planned
I hope you're doing good.

Dear self,

I'm sorry your spirit is broken
A firefly trapped in a jar yearning to be set free
I'm sorry for your sorrows
They're starting to get to thee
You were meant to shine for everyone
But they are selfish and want you all to themselves

I'm sorry no one understands the dreams you want to achieve
I'm sorry you can't get anyone to believe
Can't they see you drowning?
Drowning in your own tears
Dying in this hell your living is one of your biggest fears
I'm sorry your poetry is full of sadness and venting
I'm sorry your destroying this body you're renting
Deep on the cell of your heart, your memories you keep
Remincing on the easy years tends to make you weep
Why can't you get out of this hole
Apparently your wellbeing its supposed to save
But you may as well be standing in your own grave

They were best friends
They shared everything
Knew each other down to they heart's deepest dream
Who knew one fight could change everything

She felt alone
But her friend didn't care
Came up with some sorry excuse saying she was was never there
Both unaware deep down they knew being unfair
Guess that's how girls can be

She was so alone, had no one to call
She put all her marbles in one giant ball
Too late she'd forgotten it all
And forever she went to sleep

Her friend had too much pride to admit to herself that maybe if she were there her other half might not had died
But it hurt so much
And she cried and she cried
I guess that kind of sweet,
And she'll cry until the next time they meet
But they're not friends so admit defeat

So many times I tried to run away
You’d pull me back and somehow convince me to stay
Used to think I loved you either way
I’d forget about the choking out and the ****
I’d forget the isolation and your using your body as a gate to keep me in
You crawled in deep under my skin
Made my entire world spin the opposite way
I lost track of how many times one could say goodbye
Now my kids are meeting the new girl and I’m still your wife
What a life

Heart’s bleeding on the floor
Please don’t open the door
No more, no more

I used to say if I let you in it would be to your despair because you’d only find ruins when you got there
Who knew ruins could be ruined again
I used to think you were honest about not having any affairs
I caught you in one of your lies once again
Empty and broken
I too hollow now to know what mood I’m in  
Lay me down and let the worms crawl in
Though I only died within

Heart’s bleeding on the floor
Please don’t open the door
No more, no more

In drowning in these tears that my heart bleeds
A zombie as I take care of personal needs
A puddle of tears beneath my feet
I finally admit defeat

Once he's had that sweet nectar he calls Gin
After he's fulfilled his minimum of daily sin
Adultery and abuse
Tries to choke her with a noose
Then feels bad and gets the blues
He'll cry in the dark

When he gets home early from work
Claims that he's tired
Though in all reality he just got fired
She asked too many questions
And caught the back of his hand
How dare she make him feel like less of a man
He'll drink some of his cherished liquor
And try to lure her in with wine
Says he needs some quality time
There's a hate in her heart that cant be defined

She'll refuse
He gets the blues and
He'll cry in the dark

She takes ice baths to help reduce the swelling
He punched her so may times in the kidney that it could possibly be failing
He comes in to check on her and notices she's not inhaling
Her body is limp and there's blood on the floor
The puddle reaches from the tub to the door
She just couldn't take anymore

He knows that this was caused by him
So he'll get some of his reliable gin
Drinks then let it sink in
And he'll cry in the dark

Two lives brought together by Destiny
How is it that You always find the best in me?
Over the Years it seems less and less I see
Of reasons why we were meant to be

Though everyday my Love for you grows stronger
I want to be around you even longer
As if I’m addicted to your Odor
Your scent is like Aphrodisiac exposure

Why pretend that our love is a Fairytale
Many times We’ve came close to farewell
We are not under a Love Spell
But with each other we choose to dwell

You and I have battles shared
Worn each others shackles dare
I know now a moment of passion can’t be spared
For no other love we’ve experienced can be compared

I am awakened and full of love.
He loves me whole-heartedly and he has my trust.
I thank God for setting our love free.
Together we live abundantly.

Some people lie and some people steal
All in the hopes that their imaginations will become real

You say I'm a terrible person
Because I always lie
You say you wish I were dead
But I never cry

You think you can control me
Even against my will
You can't even budge me
For I am always still

I haven't got the time
For you to wave your finger in my ******* face
You won't ever get a reaction
Even if that grimy finger were mace

I never ******* hear you
I always tune you out
So please, just shut the hell up
There's no need to shout

My mind is somewhere else
For I have long left this hell
But still, sometimes I miss you
And I hope you're doing well

Come on baby, let’s have fun tonight
I wanna take the Devil’s hand in the Pale Moon Light
Then drift off into the Heaven that like a lush mountain range resides in your eyes
You’re the only man I want between my thighs
Cigarettes and love produced euphoria
highs are all I ever prayed for in this aching life
Come on baby, let’s have fun tonight

I bought you a Whiskey on the Rocks and myself a Martini Dry
I put $5 in the Jukebox and got dolled up, looking fly
Eyeing you up like you’re the Fourth of July the entire time
We chuckle because Vermouth we say in our oddest Tone
Living like kids who don’t have to worry about what time we’ve got to head home
Just for one night, you and I in our world alone
That’s all I ever want

Come on baby, let’s have fun tonight
I wanna take the Devil’s hand in the Pale Moon Light
Than drift off into the Heavenly mountain range in your eyes
You’re the only man I want between my thighs
Cigarettes and love produced euphoria
highs are all I ever prayed for in this aching life
Come on baby, let’s have fun tonight  

Darling, when you know you know
I love you longer than the end of time
Your soul is my soul
I promise you I feel they’re entwined
I’m sorry I hurt you so
I’ll mend this hurt with everything I can
Please know I mean what I show
Come in baby, let’s have fun tonight

I’m really glad you came out tonight
You make me laugh when you pass the J on the sly
I’m riding the shooting star twinkle in your eye
Love hard before we die
I lean over and kiss you
And you kiss me right back
We lean there embraced unable to comeback from impact
Flashback

Remember how we used to stay up and talk all night
Take tequila shots and laugh about life
Jumping on the couch and having pillow fights
Living wild and free on the Summer Nights

Caught skinny dipping so we had to run
Getting tattooed and hiding from the sun
Staying at the parties until the clean up is done
People used to tell us we had too much fun

We used to smoke hydroponic **** and stay in
Wrestle and play around until one of us got pinned then we’d make love all night and wake up and do it again

Come on, baby, let’s have fun tonight

Craving something deep
Secrets keep, secrets keep
Demons truly speak
Don't you weep, won't you weep

Trying so hard to float
But you sink, love to sink
Party's overflowed
Had a drink, more to drink

I'm talking to a ghost
The fictional person I dream't you to be
But who am I to say I'm innocent
Great, we both agree

I swear I've seen you twice
Once was on a train
You sat next to me and asked me my name
You told a man to take his feet off the seat
You were considerate of others and very sweet
You gave me a pin in the shape of an Angel
You said it would keep me safe and that they would follow me wherever I go
You were an old woman
But you're expression was bright
Your ora gave off a luminous light
You were beautiful
You filled my heart with joy
My day had been long
And I had been coy

I saw you again on a mountain
I was night hiking alone
I had to get away
Like the last time you saw me, I'd had a bad day
I went to the mountain praying for death
I cried to the heavens with all the energy I had left
I said to God, set me free, for I have no more faith in me
I was in an open field and across the way I saw something move
It was an animal in the light of the moon
I'm not sure what animal you were
But it looked at me from a distance, that I'm sure

We glared at eachother
I looked you in your glowing eye
And for some reason I no longer wanted to cry
The hole in my heart had somehow been filled
A helper of the Lord had been revealed
I wanted to walk toward you
But I was afraid
I felt death would be a mistake I could have made
I walked the other way
That I regret
You weren't afraid of me
You didn't fret

I believe in you
I know you believe in me
You are beautiful
You brought out the beauty I now see
The world is cruel
Growing up is intense
When you saw me last I was sitting on the fence
Life or death
Hope or dispare
You rescued me
I know you were there.

Never had he seen such beauty
Iris green and full of envy
Hair that burned red like a sunset over an autumn mountain
Pale skin and ripe lips

Her name was Lilah
She was delicate
Too delicate
Like the wings of a butterfly

She flew away from me,
My sweet Lilah
I guess she got tired of the darkness,
The cramped space within my belly
I tried to make her comfortable

She'd kick and I'd feel her fluttering around inside me
So much joy in my heart
I didn't mind the pain in my *******
I didn't care that I always had to ***
I didn't mind being nauseous
I loved my Lilah
I'd stop the world for her

With a fever and severe cramping, my Lilah was gone
No longer did she dwell inside my cocoon
My love had been stolen from me
I lived for her
She made me pure
A clean slate for both of us

But she's gone now
She went back to where she came
When he held her, her forgot about his pain
She was beautiful
She was the force field that kept his hands off of me
My savior
My one true love
My sweet Lilah

Imagine if I left you high and dry
****** that ***** and watched you cry
While you sit there begging and asking me why
Imagine that I was the one lying to you all along
That I was deleting messages as soon as they’d come
Then when you ask about it I bat my eyelids and play dumb

You want so bad for me to be numb
Pretend that being married is just a piece of paper and in my heart the commitment doesn’t mean nothing
But ******* let me tell you something
You ever bore a child and gave you’re all for a man?
Felt like you were on a cloud when he would hold your hand?
Then realize that holding onto him would be like trying to net fine sand

You call my crazy cause I’m bipolar
I’m only crazy cause I’m the ***** you can’t control, huh?
You forget I used to be the beast, the dragon, the one who went to Hell and came back then spit the venom in my hater eyes
Think you’re better but I’m too good of liar to get caught in your lies

Sick of seeing girls treat each other like their inferior cause they don’t carry the Name Brand
Wanna uppercut the ******* that don’t respect the boundaries of a married man
Wonder why painting your face didn’t just stick to clowns
So the ordinary girls can stop ******* around like they’re a bombshell and sit the **** down
Lift their eyes from the bridge of their noses and take a minute to look around at what really matters in this world
and stop looking down at the less fortunate girls who have souls like diamonds but are so ****** in their minds an cut themselves in the middle of the night and cry to the moonlight skies

Need a girl who likes to smoke **** and chill
A ***** who won’t lie to me and always keeps it real
Talk about our mean together but it never leaves feeling toward them ill
Listen to Jhene Aiko and drink the wine until we get our fill

Trying to figure out how to raise my kids up right in this world of police brutality and crime
Want them to know they can conquer anything and that their lights like stars when they’re gone will still shine
They mean everything to me
They’re well being is my peace of mind
Hard to know one day, hopefully, I first will leave them behind
Just the thought of their beauty brings tears to my eyes
The picture is too big to frame must be the size
Sit and ponder what I’m feeling and always be real with my vibes

How Deep?

Snowy mountain peaks
White and glimmering
Slowly start to weep at the winters ending
Though what's underneath is just as pretty in sight
I think I'll watch nature weep for just one more night
She is the beauty that Earth's surface shows
Though below in the deep are things no one knows  
It's almost like Earth wanted it to be nearly impossible to know all secrets she holds

The pressure of the ocean and the rivers of magma that flow
Shes untouchable really
A beautiful lie told that she is pure and giving
Though one day she'll explode and destroy all life teeming
Only mere surface encounters
If you go too deeply you won't last hours

It truly seems crazy that we know more about Outterspace than the ocean
Proving how hard Earth is to reach and deadly when opened
Earth is fragmented and broken
The water the bandage that sheilds her wounds but you'll never know how deep they go
What monsters lie beneath to an humans woe?
She cracks along her seems as she shifts with every change
Reminding those on the surface that she holds their weight as on Her surface she starts to deteriorate
It almost makes you wonder if we deserve our fate
For Earth does not discriminate
She is as forgiving as she is not
She earned her place in the perfect spot in Starlight
That gave her the possibility to provide us all with life
Chosen by destiny to hurl through space to provide life and eventually take it away

I am a romantic
I wonder when I will see you again
I hear angels singing softly
I see a house on an island
I want to be loved by you
I am a romantic

I pretend I don't really care
I feel like I'm about to explode
I worry I'm in this alone
I cry when I think of my life when you're gone
I am a romantic

I understand your random humor
I say to be sweet
I dream of peaceful isolation
I try to picture what that with you would be
I hope one day my dream comes true
I am a romantic

I found my pen dead in a pool full of ink
In a scrupulous world his mark sank too deep
An non-erasable makes secrets hard to keep
I found my pen dead in pen full of ink

Can you blame my pen for fleeting out all he had left onto the blank page
When he wrote in his own rhythm’s you often got enraged
So he backtracks his writing, scribbling deeper into the page
Wasting more of his life on a mistake that’s he’s made
So he figures what’s the point
Busts his cap and falls over into the the spot where you found that Unicorn shaped Inkblot
You begin to see something about the pen that you once could not
You want to start over with him again but you cannot
Through the lesson learned by the suicide of my pen
I think instead of words I’ll draw pictures again
Perhaps this time in Crayon

Pin me up against the wall like a butterfly on a pin
Spin me in circles so I twirl with your grin
You only ever wanted to get under my skin
I’ll be the face of innocence that smiles at your demons
I’ve never felt more studied than in your gaze
Your caged love is just an taste of your rage within

You won’t ever let me go
Won’t run away because I know
Your heart is dark and unfair
I can’t expect you to care
I guess this was just my fate
If you can love you can hate
Did you find me a treasure?
You opened my chest long ago
Deep down down inside if I could change it, I wouldn’t wish it so  

I still think of our first kiss
when I see your face emotionless
I could never live in your spotlight
Like the sun it’s heat was harsh and it was  too **** bright
You can’t take it back and you don’t care
Loving you was my greatest dare
You lured me in just to pin me up
Strangely somehow I feel that it’s enough
I only wish you could see the fire burning inside of me
I never said I was pure
I was broken long before your reached in and shattered me some more

Push the pin in nice and deep
Your secrets I will keep
I’m here with you in hell
I won’t leave you by yourself
Never beat you at your own game
Cause I’m the end we’re both the same
You opened my chest long ago
Deep down down inside if I could change it, I wouldn’t wish it so

The words come out of him like *****
But they bring such sweet release
Emotional relaxation
Profanity brings him peace

You know this but it hurts you when he uses that abusive tongue
Always putting you down and turning to you into the pun

The moment that you spoke
There was a shock-wave of pain
Something inside me broke
My heart you have slain
I try to stand tall
But the force of your blow sends me to my knees
I attempt to express my pain
But all the breath I require to speak has been stolen by the breeze

What did I do to turn you so cold?
Your heart is now covered with a hateful mold
I search your eyes
My once comforting place
But I see no sight of you in them
Not a trace.

I've recovered my breath
But I don't speak by choice
Too proud to let you hear
The break in my voice
Our once strong love
Has been crushed by its own weight
How has our once blazing flame
Ignited so much hate?

It’s like she came out of nowhere
Electric and fast
She had a huge dazzle and a smile that would flash
Almost like an X-(wom)Men
It was like she has powers
When I saw her she lit up my life
She could awe me for hours

She was great to look at but lethal to touch
Man, I tell you I loved this girl too much
The impact of our first kiss **** near knocked me off my feet
And the pain I felt after the fact when she hurt me it cut way too deep
As if her electrical current gave me the shock that allowed my heart to beat

Though with her she brought a storm
She started spontaneous fires
Her danger was often pre warned
Her beauty was appreciated but always by afar
Here today, gone tomorrow just like a falling star
The damage she could do was a force no man could control
So one day the storm was too rough and I had to let Lightning go

It rained from her eyes
Clouds of mascara added grey to the storm
She struck three times leaving thunder behind before the last of the clap that came from the door
She’ll be in another town in just a matter of time
I hope she finds a man who can Insulate her blow
Apparently lightning never strikes the same place three times but you never know