I know I'm not the person you want me to be.
I don't think that anyone would want me for more than a day or two.
At least, not after they've gotten to know me and learned all the stupid **** I've put myself through.

I just want to be an author.
I want to stop chasing the high.
I wanna be able to truly look into myself and for once not feel the urge to cry.

Sometimes, I feel like there are thousands of daggers pointing straight toward my heart and everyday a different dagger of the same sorrow moves itself a little closer.

Almost 19 years I've been on this planet, and I still don't feel at home.
I've never been in love or had the idea that I was in love.
But the loving of many men I have known.

Alone.

I never go to sleep alone, but I always seem to wake up that way.
Alive when I sleep and dead during the day.

So many emotions swirling inside that I don't even know what to say.

If I let you in, it would be to both our despair.
Because once I knocked down the walls and showed you the ruins inside,
You wouldn't want to stay there.