I often hate the way I am. I hate how I can never speak my mind. I hate how I often can’t make up my mind. how is it possible that I feel so lost in something that is only for me. something that is me. desiring to sprinkle flowers, but soaking them into a puddle. longing to float in the serene pool of wisdom, but offending drowning in a tsunami of confusion. struggling to take breaths, to rise above the storm, but just settling on the stone cold bottom. it’s dark and it’s heavy. where do I go from here?

looking for success while only wearing dresses used to making messes. always stuck in my mind, just trying to find the next line to get me out. hooked and caught on the whole lot that’s wrong with me. who am i gonna be? who's gonna like what they see? wandering through crowds of nothing and no one. just wanted to have fun, but now i'm done, looking at the gun in my hand.
then i heard you
i heard you
i heard you from out of the blue, didn’t know what to do. but it’s not blue, it’s yellow. and the world slows and i’m mellow because your sweet voice, like a cello, is calling my name. and i’m going insane looking at the man who was slain before me. i’m seeing sunshine for the first time and it’s divine. who am i that you named me, that you saved me, that you love me?

I’m not afraid of
dying
I’m afraid of
gaining
a thousand friends
upon my departure
where were you

when I was alive?

he hugged me from behind
I anchored into his smell and
I wore his skin like armor
he kissed my cheek
and for a moment
nothing else mattered

She laid alone in a bed meant for two
She laid alone and
wanted only to see the one
she loved the most
her stomach eating away
at her flesh from the inside out
a consuming fire
a fire
flames licking at her back
flames that licked her scars
she waits around for him to come back

it falls over me when you’re not around my joy is nowhere to be found
you’re my sweet sensation
my motivation
your smile shines through the dark your life makes its mark
your touch sends me away
I’m at peace for the day
your lips sooths the pain
but what do I have to gain?
it will never last
repetition of the past
my life repeats
and you’ll retreat
after all, who wants to love me?
I’m worth nothing, you see
so back to my coma I go
into my little world that I know

I walk around headless
unaware of my thoughts
leading me down
the spiral staircase
narrow and rocky
keep your balance
or you’ll fall right into
the black hole
of my past

my mind is the deepest ocean
my words are a puddle
neither reflecting
what I mean

I will never forget the night
under the sheets
when you stole
from me

depression
is an everyday journey
without
everyday results
2pm laughing with your friends
or
2 days later alone on the couch

dressed like a nightmare
slithering through a window
looting the rooms
the last pieces of the puzzle
infinite hallways
lost in a maze
leaving behind no mistakes
unable to wake from
the nightmare

the earth mourned for you
this morning
yesterday
you were gone without warning
today
was full of shattered showers
I already miss you
but I refuse to bring you flowers
you’re worth more than clichés

I fell numb
when I got the call
the ground hard and wet
drifting into the rainfall
soaking as I watch the world turn
gray skies blanketed my soul
I’ll never stop
telling the story of ole
you’ll live on within me

petrichor, a sweet aroma
water up to my ears
climbing to my nose
covered in all my tears
I’m not fighting it
not caring when
or where I am
and then
                      black

and suddenly
I feel the water wash away
and I hear a voice whisper
“it wasn’t supposed to be this way”
peace crashes over me
steadying my ceased heartbeat
He holds out His hand
and then I’m on my feet
standing under a canopy of green

hand in hand, we walk
strolling on streets of gold
stopping to smell the roses
and to harvest the marigolds
He turns as says
“this is my perfect design”
and joy fills my soul
“I’ll come back for you in no time”
so patiently I’ll wait

without a newfound wisdom i know what i'm to do i will stand with courage and love those scarred in black and blue because i have tasted the honey and i've drank from the well to share my story of my rescue from hell and of Him in white

locked
in a tower
possibly a
princess
probably a
prisoner
trapped
in chains
without a
key
without knowing
knowledge is
power
knowledge is
key
without caring
because the
tower is
all she
knows

created and man-made, holding lives in the hands and dictates sorrows and joys. Slow and steady, never-ending, eternal, but never enough. capturing moments on squares smeared with ink. the hands never letting go.
grandfathers stand tall and watch as the owl makes her best. she sings lullaby's to her children, as they lay to rest. restful days and restless nights. blankets covering who rest peacefully. the hands place bouquets by their bedsides.
standing on a log amongst the swallowing waters, the hands beckon to cross the cavern. the owl and her children soaring high above the waters. with lifeless lungs and barely a grasp reaching for the hands and they stretch across. standing tall and looking grandfather in the face. the hands wrapping around with an unbreakable grasp.