Dark skies
no signs
full moon next to it
my star
Bright as ever
The first to catch my eye
actually the first of the night
And the only one I care for
The rest don't have the same shine
so far from my reach
I can never really call it mine
I'll just sit back and enjoy the little time I get with it on rare nights

She reads all the signs with a glimmer of hope
And she walks down a path that feels safe yet unknown
The writing on the wall just becomes an aesthetic  
Thoughts heavy enough to make her put down her crown and adjust
Subversive when it comes to trying to make things change
but why all the constant efforts if things stay the same.
Reminder that the world once crumbled at your feet and like everything else it's forgotten just like lock on your wall that once required a key.

Amongst all of you
I try to walk the same path
I’m stuck
In a shell
Not even my own to claim
This place is just hell
Everyday is a struggle
Someone new to be
Never myself
Because if I act the way I want to be perceived
You’d walk away along with those who’d love to see me jump off and into the  deep
I’m laughing and drowning In my drink
Blood thicker than water
With hopes that I will sink
I’m empty
I’m cold
My only wish is I might look back and laugh at this if I ever make it to growing old

To my other
Though we haven’t met
I wonder what that day is like
The moment
That memory that will never fade
The perfect sunrise and sunset
And everything else in between
I hope it’s not just me..
But that’s how I think I’d feel
When you’re finally at my side .

You wouldn’t believe I do
I am
From every thought you have
To every doubt
Rethink
I’m not in the realm of things
Nor do I abide by rigid practices
I seem out of whack
That’s because in a sense
To some maybe
Or just
Free

Give me a reason or a cause
Not much to offer
But plenty to gain after you fall
I bring back memories you didn’t think were fair
The type to lie but tell the truth hidden in a form of a BUYER BEWARE
Can’t seem to grasp what you lack
A stockpile of numbers with no real value to add

Unwanted at my best
Put down to be addressed as a problem
Can’t see through a mirror but you can try
The reflection is unclear but the resemblance is uncanny
How can one avoid a flaw while trying to improve our own
It’s a simple suggestion
A fresh face to look at only helps with forgetting
Same plot same characters
Just a different setting

Break me
Build yourself
Push me
Don’t pull away
Talk to me
Things aren’t the same

It’s been years since we spoke
An actual conversation
I don’t know what you might feel or how you might feel
I’ve always made an effort to vent and reach out but with every passing year it seems the shoulders I hoped to lean on just seem to have turned away
Speaking out to someone feels like a burden
I’m plagued by guilt
I wake up with angst and I can’t explain
I have thoughts that maybe one day you’ll just find my remains
Seems like I scream loud but my lungs aren’t filled
I miss my friends
But I can’t say I feel Ive always had them .
Remember next time you catch me smiling
Is it genuine or am I just blending in like the past few years
You really wouldn’t know
And I would probably never say

Destructive with intention to love
No one but myself to blame
A monster created out of the soul of a saint

I could never explain what the feeling is like
But I’ve always known
It doesn’t seem like a sickness
I’ve always pondered
Always a thought in the back of my head
An acceptance only I knew and no one else would believe
I’ve always welcomed my final day
As kid I didn’t fear death but wondered would it matter if I died in this instant
Would the world care
Would I actually ever become anything relevant
Temptation wasn’t a thing but rather a challenge
I did things that I felt might end me in the quickest way
It’s only grown since then
It’s not a l threat because I don’t plan things
They just happen
I’m well aware I need help
I just don’t know how to anymore
I feel trapped and have no actual words to say because if I do they don’t seem real
I accept my flaws the issue seems I don’t feel my words carry any weight or any substance for someone to want to listen to me.
It’s always the same response I’ve heard it all
I’m trying really I am
My efforts should be noticed but I don’t feel they seem like enough  because well deep down
I still don’t see my purpose
I don’t think I need help finding it because I’ve never felt I served one.
Since I was a young child I’ve thought this and you wouldn’t believe it if I said it out loud
Maybe reading will help understand what I feel
I’m sorry
This is what I feel on a daily basis and can’t stop these thoughts
I do not mean to offend in anyway
please know that
This is my solace . Words on paper

Nothing special
Another person in your life
No direction
Yet you ask me for the next step
Am I taken into consideration
Or am I just what’s left.

Except for the end the rest kind of ******
It lacked ******
Fun
Drugs
What did I understand?
None
Everything seemed fine
Till he decided it was time
Got up
Walked outside
Looked up at the sky
One last sigh
The screen went black
Over budget
No rewrite
Let’s assume it meant he was ready to change his life
Quite the ending

I took a walk down the boulevard
enjoyed the air
The trees
The gum stuck to the bottom my shoe didn't bother me, Oddly I found it comforting
like I had a reason to drag my feet
continue down another street
hoping I'll run into the girl of my dreams
still asleep day dreaming while my feelings play for keeps
The memories didnt seem to stay in their lane
instead they hopped on the highway and followed their way to the heart
Bad news for them it's up and left new location and brand new spark.

Could I
Would I
Take a moment
Just a few counts
Pure
Silence
A thump
The one you don’t often hear
But feel
Every time
That’s what it’s like
So if you see me off somewhere
I’m lost
But somehow you’ve found me there

All of your might
All of your time
Everything done for pride
Overlooked and thrown away
Never to be seen
Behind closed doors clean the wounds that never stop it seems
But of course it’s done for  a glimmer of hope
They’d gladly kick your stool out once you’ve tied your own rope
A time and a place
Never one to stand in single file
******* and your company
Pay me what I’m worth
I’d like to see you go an extra mile

It’s effortless
Every thought that crosses my mind
Moments of peace
Like the warmth of the sun in the morning
Or the refreshing scent of rain
A rhythm that’s only naturally felt
Clearing up the air
Something soothing about the breeze
Heavy prints left in the sand
Side by side
It brings a smile to my face with such ease

The way things turn out
Not always expected
A sudden change
A new direction
New set of thoughts
Feeling something
Easier to crack a smile
A warmth when I see a certain face
No need to explain
I’ve been here before
Arrows drawn
Waiting for me to open the door
Only a matter of time
Armor off let’s see what’s in store

Once an after thought
Maybe a second option
But it doesn’t matter
I only wanted a chance
Now that I have you here
My heart stops but mind won’t let this pass
I cant find the words
But I can show you how I feel
Like a dream
I’d pinch myself
And you laugh at my reaction
You can tell it’s all so real
Genuine like nothing you’ve ever had
Amongst all the others you’d never guess I’m the only good out of the bad

She talks to me like she doesn’t care
I’m just another face in the crowd
Noise without a voice
Nothing to add or gain
Just another option
I understand I don’t dwell

Skimming through the pages
A calamity of words
A fray
Sincerity between each sentence
Bringing about scents and feeling vividly
The closest way to turn back time
Recall a memory and smile.

They say falling in love is like when lightning strikes
Who would’ve thought that’s was the goal at the end of the tunnel nice and bright
I always pictured myself with a corpse bride
Guess the roles are reversed
Just don’t tell my girl I didn’t survive last night
Going on with the normalities of everyday life
She found love
The perfect mixture of bourbon and cyanide
Keeps me nice and stiff
A coat of formaldehyde
Get close catch a whiff

Party out with the lord of the four
Hanging in the bathrooms
Roll up
Have some more
I’m ****** at the moment
But you seem kind of fine
Cut up with the rest
Stay in line
My my what a lovely smile you have
I’m afraid I’m sober now
This all seems like a ******* drag

In a room full of bodies
But no real weight
Smiles and laughter
All self hate
Fun with friends
Can’t Relate

Nothing like a full house to remind you your alone
****** on everything
Roulette on the phone
Either you don’t want to answer
Or no one is home

To be fair
It’s not a setting or placement
Rather exclusion
Exiled for self thought
I must not
therefore I am
Ten counts
One failure
Enough for attention
Relive tragedy an uncommon remedy for neglect

Easy to push buttons to fall in love
Out of all options
I choose all of the above
I like the part where we connect over coffee and a talk
That sensation of holding hands when we walk
The smile from ear to here
That simple touch
Giggle and make me forget
Break up with me
Guide me to the ledge
I’ll show this **** isn’t so tough
I’d gladly jump off
6 feet isn’t much
The landing was soft

You’d think giving in would feel free
Quite the opposite
Intangible and perhaps the most enslaving of deeds
Captured in a second
Struggled for a life time
Enjoy the laughs while slow dancing in hopes you’d have me chastised
I forget if I’m supposed to step in the holes that I missed
Can you blame for a second of bliss?

A melody stuck in my head
The sound that makes me joyful
Stuck on repeat
No matter the genre
It’s constantly on play
Pause for a few seconds
Cherish ever note
Every line
Let me play your strings
You’ve already strummed mine
A song from the heart
Lyrics without a frame
Humming the chorus
For some reason I can’t remember the name

Given another option
I’d still choose this
Lessons learned
Opportunity missed
But to explain what’s felt
Cards on the table
It’s what’s been dealt
Hands up
Palms out
No malice
I can see your doubts
Don’t know how to read minds
Maybe not clear but I can make out what’s between the lines
You’d tell me that your fine
Heard it before
Cause for concern
I don’t mind working back
Peace is never given
It’s earned

Hope gone
Faith lost
No gates
Just walls
Donations always made it
but never answered my calls
Might have to buy my way into heaven
Guess he doesn’t listen because a prayer is always free

The sun stopped shining and the moon never showed
The world began to tremble yet we stood strong
Accepting and letting go
Unexplainable but we choose to remain ignorant and try to find something to blame
It’s best to let it become history rather than baggage

Weight on my shoulders
Anchored down my mind
Floating away
Closer to the light
Not a step forward
Yet it’s all passed me by
Ticking away eventually I’ll fade
Stepping over feelings no one is safe

It’s there
It’s unseen
Untapped
Undeveloped
We all have it
We all waste it
The one thing we almost never do
Accept it
A gift given to you alone
Potential to conquer
Yet we’ve been told to hold back
The insecurities of society deny us the right to embrace our destiny
Never apologize for using your natural abilities to their best abilities
Without man to challenge god
Humanity would never know mortality

Misunderstood to it’s fullest extent
Sorry but 2 cents aren’t enough to invest
Constantly told what I should do
Didn’t know I lived to satisfy the views
Feeling like I’ve been put on a leash
Finding a good spot this noose might provide a release
Out of turn
Out of line
Speak more about yourself
I’ve already heard what you have to say about mine

It’s uncomfortable
Never felt desired or wanted
Nothing to offer
Thank you for the kind words
It won’t bring me back
Nothing to solve it’s just facts
Save your love for someone else
No need for another Im learning to love myself

Choices with hope
Actions questioned
Time well spent
Given the moment
Expect a reaction
Stand alone
Stripped of envy
Free to speak
Accept and feel
Happiness becomes a vice
Not a state of mind
Let go of the baggage
It’ll lighten up the climb

Everyday every second
Amazing
Nothing to compare
Hurt you?
The gods wouldn’t dare
In time of war ,love, or simply for a hug
I’m there
Protector
Teacher
Hero
Villain
I will be
I am
Forever
Your father

The difference between struggles and needs
Not a fine line at all
Often persuaded by vanity
In a situation with an obvious choice
Statements repeated becoming the voice of reason
Obstacles built higher in our image
Frustrated with outcomes the moment they leave our lips
Seldom the times we can state the truth without affliction

We often tell others of their flaws
But when reminded of our own hostility takes over
That’s the ego coming into play
Needed for certain situations that involve triumph but not for self analysis
Learn to set aside anger
It’s only a catalyst or beacon for self destruction
When the mind is clear  so is the path
Improving becomes easier and so does everything else
Happiness will no longer seem like something to achieve rather a part of your everyday mindset
Learn to accept that perfection is constantly evolving and shouldn’t be the goal
Everyday you are a better version of yourself because we never stop learning
Mistakes of the past shape our decisions in the future
With ego being there you can either make the right choice or relive something you’ve tried to avoid
Ultimately it is up to you which seems logical

Ask me anything
A simple thought
Curious about my past
An open book
because
why hide the obvious
With enough light
We cast a shadow
Rather be denied for what I am
Than accepted for what you want
Pay attention to the writing on the wall
More about the message less about the font

To the fullest
To the bitter end
Till the wheels come off
Not picking flowers in a garden
Pushing Daisy’s instead
Pay my toll
Hopefully she sings while I ride on to the next life
Dark rooms and tunnels
Lost with no will to find my own light
Can’t live forever
Only thing for certain
One day you’ll die
Made my peace
Always stood tall
Never on my knees
I learned to sprint
You’ve lived your life
Only ever knowing how to crawl

The same record played
The same joke told
Seems like these things happen so often
They’ve gotten old
Parents using college funds to give their child a proper grave
A place we gathered and felt safe
Now treated as a shooting range
Stepping on to campus is the same as teasing death
But no one wants to hear it
So I guess hold your breath
Clutch your grips
Hope that when you turn on the news it isn’t your kids

You grind away
Burning both ends
With nothing ever received
The masters at the top
Portray a better man
Disguising a den of thieves
Any thought with a shred of hope
Torn out and replaced
There is no reaching the top with any kind of grace
It’s only a matter of time
Before you realize you’re an economic slave
Another form of currency
Blindly placing yourself up for trade
Accept that this was done before our eyes
A cross placed on a store front and yet we call it faith
Sold on dreams and gold
Never question why
You’re a cog
A sheep
Slaughter by the masses
How else will the spoon fed eat
We take care for those up top
Not out of respect
It’s our greatest failure
It’s how we’ve been programmed and taught

The pen hails mightier than the sword
Blood spilled is never looked over
Ink may stain but eventually will fade
The words of man still resonate
Books passed on with teachings
Contorted by the Kings
The message stays the same
What changes is the state of mind
TIRED COLD AND HUNGRY
fed up with the rest
The weight of the world finally enough to have us collapse
Feed you motivation to have you finish the task
Never mind what lies ahead
It’s only a repetition of the past

Timing is everything
From the approach
Either rushed or too slow
Holding hands to a kiss
My attempts often dismissed
No need to cry it’s okay
Not a man fueled by pride
It’s uncommon to fall
Balance knocked right out from under me
All self control is obsolete
Not looking but it seems
Love is the returning champ of hide and seek

I’m honest
Just ask
It’s not a secret
It’s what I feel
I won’t hide
I won’t fade
I care
I do
But if it’s too much
I understand
It’s just every now and then
I’d like to know
How are you ?

Bred in a world where your worth is measured
In diamonds and pearls
Pick and choose based on what material you use
Where possessions takes you farther than moxie
The world goal set to race for more
Hypocrisy becomes a norm
Genuine gestures taken advantage
Laugh at those who care
Tyrants have been deemed fair
Global hate is seen as culture
Sad to speak out
Cut throats ready to put you down
Head in the sand
While they take food from your kids mouths
Thank them for it every 4 years
Poison switched for the cure
Humble beginnings have become obscured
Not true you yourself
Don’t call it honest you’re just insecure

Whether I’m  happy
Sad
In pain
Pensive
Excited
Even mildly bored
When is it ok to feel anything ?

You’d never understand what it’s like to carry weight
No codes to regulate
it’s as much as you can take
Bury all hope and abandon all faith
Just being honest I know some won’t escape
Not like any other
Not to be treated like a ******* phase
My life is on the line
The moment I awake
I’m sorry to my family
I’m sorry to my friends
Lastly I’m sorry to those I’ve ever met
Maybe one day
It won’t be treated as a trend

Single file or in a crowd
One by one
Painless and expressive
Wandering outside of normal thoughts
Lost with a path to follow
Unsure of its end
Danger is welcomed
Bad times are temporary
So are the long nights