I think that I've reached a new low
Where two am means pizza in the shower with music I've sworn to hate (you're everything I want to hate)
Instead of breakfast for dinner
With someone I'd promised to date

It means being a hopeless romantic on Friday evenings
And burying my head in the sheets every other night
You know what they say
If you're out of sight, you're out of mind

But none of that compares to your ringtone at four in the morning
Sending octopus emojis and asking me to come get ******
But strangely enough
Everything about you feels like home

So I'll make the water hotter and turn up the sound
And cold pizza is better any other way
But it's better than dreaming of you
And wasting my life away

What am I doing?
I'm so glad you asked
Waiting for an author to write a perfect book
Waiting for an artist to paint the perfect canvas

Watching the stars for a moment
Hoping something will collapse
I guess I'm just painfully, desperately waiting
For something miraculous to happen

I remember being as angry as you are now
Wondering who, and what, and when, and where and how
And I remember questioning how you could lie about someone for so long
Swearing you liked someone with stupid hair and bare arms

And I distinctly remember breaking when you asked him out
Even though it was stupid and high school and it doesn't matter now
You guys are best friends now, too, I think
And that still really truly baffles me

Because we have both ****** up and we both have lied
And it's been over stupid things and feelings and guys
But being friends as adults, I think
Is realizing that people will never be perfect and that's why they drink

It's about taking responsibility and moving on
And I don't know what else you want to me to say 'cause honestly, he's gone
I'm sorry and I'm sorry and yeah I was wrong
But I was angry for who knows how long

So if you ever need me I guess I'll be here
Because that's what I did before and after we shed a couple tears
And talked **** about each other and ran around in circles
We just wrote a couple poems and wrote a couple verses

I completely understand where you are coming from
So that's why I'm not upset or in denial or pleading that I didn't do anything wrong
Because it wasn't supposed to happen that way, and well, it did
But that's life, and maybe you'll learn that eventually
Just like I did.

Of course, I know the words to that song
And I know why you are the way you are
I know the way that you think and how you're feeling
And I know you're trouble if I ever saw some

Because I know people like you and I know where this is going
Nowhere good with half a helping of depressing
Throw in a lovesick poet and a broken musician and, god--
What was I thinking?

So don't be surprised to know I'm in love
And you know what?
It might be the stupidest thing I've ever done
But I don't think that I would feel this way
Or write this way
If I wasn't.

when was the last time you actually felt anything?
let it course through your veins like clay and novocaine

your stomach flipping like dolphins
and your heart absorbing the endorphins

etching words in your skin until you bleed like you don't even know the feeling

of being in your sober mind more than just once or twice

because if we are going to do this I want to see your eyes close when we kiss
and feel your fingers shake
and let your skin hiss

i'm feeling everything for you and you're inhaling smoke fumes

i know it's not fair but I guess it doesn't compare to the mask you try to wear

made from cheap alcohol and the way I'll fall

ending in a broken eulogy at merely twenty
and that's not the way I want it to be

staring up at spot spackled ceilings
buried in fifteen dollar sheets
tucking toes under lumpy covers
and tasting cheap beer on your teeth

hiding under dim, midnight lighting
and tossing pillows on the floor
icy fingers entwined
swearing all's fair in love and war

making breakfast in baggy t shirts and socks
and eating cereal on a faded couch
maybe a little bit of day drinking
hoping word will never get out

blushing when you glance my way
and loving every minute
regretting every decision we ever made
but not changing any of it.