I blame you for loving me.
I blame you for my hard head.
I blame you for my big heart.
I blame you for anxiety.
I blame you for expectations.
I blame you for baby fat.
I blame you for family.
I blame you for showing me what a strong woman looks like.
I blame you for telling me to never settle.

If you are going to blame someone blame them fully for everything they have done good or bad.

He asked me what one thing is that I love about myself
I told him I didn’t have just one thing
I love all of myself
Yes even the parts I wish were different
Yes even the parts that have brought me nothing but anxiety
I learned long ago that I am enough of a woman to love myself without exception

It’s 2pm
I wish I was standing in the middle of a forest staring up at the sunshine peeking through the trees
Speckles of light shining on my face
I want to stand there barefoot with the grass between my toes and the earth beneath my feet
At 3pm I will lie down in the soft grass and watch the sun begin to set until all I can see are the stars
At 4pm I will fall asleep to the smell of flowers and the sound of the wind
until tomorrow

Being alone
Cold summer showers
Clean shaven legs
Falling asleep
Feeling validated
Feeling loved
Finishing a good book
Feeling the cold wind run through your hair down your spine
Hot baths after a hard day
Silence
The warm sun on your skin
The smell of rain
The first sip of coffee
The sound of trees in the wind

I am happy when the sun is on my face
I am happy if I see someone being kind
I am happy because having a good conversation is as good as magic
I am happy for those who are honest to themselves  
I am happy to help someone in need

It has taken me twenty years to come to the conclusion that
I am worthy of love
I don’t need to change the parts of me I wish were different to have a conversation
Kindness is a right not a privilege

I do not need to starve myself to deserve love
I do not owe you the skin off my back
I do not owe you size zero
After all this time I know now that I am worth the stars and anything less isn’t worthy
Shrinking isn’t nessacary
Plastic isn’t real
Dreams are true and stories must be cherished

It has taken me twenty years to see myself through eyes of kindness
To realize that care and attention are two very different things
Love and lust are twins most can’t separate
Romantics buy flowers not only when times are tough but when their hearts are full
Car rides at night soothe my soul
Love holds no bounds it’s forms are always different
Looking up can be the difference between living and watching
I am ready.

Today I am every sad lyric ever sung
My heart drums so slow I wonder if I am alive
Check one
Check two
I am so small I could fit into the palm of your hand without you ever noticing
I am lost CD’s you forgot you had  
People sing of summer and tender first loves
I am neither of those
I am soft whispers at midnight with lips so close I can taste your words
There is no need to sing from rooftops when right here is enough but you insist quiet loves aren't real
So I get smaller