Perhaps
one of the saddest things of all is
knowing the love I’ve dreamt of forever
will never come to be
my heart clings to the idea of you more than my hands can hold.

The version of love only a young mind could create and a naive mind could hold onto
every make-believe date
every possible first kiss
every midnight conversation
Yet to come to life.

Maybe it never will.

I hope you don’t because if you do your last excuse just ran out,
If you see me how could you not help me?
I wear my heart on my forehead waiting to be read
Scrubbed clean of all agony.

If you can see my suffering but do nothing
To help then you are just as bad as the rest of the world
I
Would
Help
You
From across the sea I would fly
I would scoop you up into my arms and shelter you from harm
I would hold you close and tell you it will be okay
I would make it all okay
I would help you hold your sorrow.

What doesn’t **** you makes you stronger.
I hope I live long enough to feel stronger,
I hope this was all worth it,
That I truly am a better person for holding onto the hope that tomorrow will be better
Will be easier.

I hope to god it’s true.

I’m not sure I can hold you in my arms
I am scared that you will feel my feverish heart and ask me what’s wrong

Well my darling
The world is just too much for me right now, the weight pressed against my chest each day keeps waking me up telling me to hide
It clings to my soul

To be seen by your bright blue eyes is to be seen by the universe itself and feel all together that I am not alone

My chest against your chest is the closest thing I’ve ever been to weightless
To be whole heartedly understood is to be loved and you my dear are my greatest love

Can you hear it?
that was the sound of all of the air leaving my chest,
The blood from my cheeks rushing to my toes.
I feel like I’m being crushed by some unseen force capable of separating my soul from my bones,
I will never be the same.

This vast distance between us leaves me feeling hollow and alone.
My mind thinks of nothing but you.
My ears don’t hear the warnings about you because my eyes are fixed on yours.
But my heart
The compass that guided me to you is
pounding in my chest telling me
Go
Run
Leave.
The pounding shoots pins and needles through my skin leaving doubt in my mind and a kind of ache that I can only describe as agony.
Do you love me?

All balance is off course.

The silence between us rips us apart as it pushes us away.
When I ask you again
Silence.
Please talk to me
Silence.
I know you are suffering
Silence.
Let me help you.
Let me in.
I know you want to shelter me,
Save me from your past.
But if love knows no bounds
I will endure.
Tonight is different
I need you to tell me to stay,
I don’t want to make this choice alone.
My heart is yours,
I am yours.
Just tell me to stay.

You stand there
Silent
Eyes locked with mine.
I turn away
Silent
I know you want me to stay.
I know you need me to go.
I know you love me enough let me leave.
We both know now is not our time but we still can’t let go.
I can’t let you go.

I wish you did something,
I wish I hated you.
But no love has been lost here, we just need time to grow.
I want to grow with you baby, but you are so quiet and I am so loud.
You need time to write your wrongs and the time is now.

Please listen to me when I tell you goodbye, it’s only for now not forever.
My heart is yours
I am yours and you are mine.
I will not stop loving you as fiercely as i always have.
Our eyes will meet again baby and when they do
Sparks
      Will
           Fly.

I saw you today.
I imagined walking up to you
I thought about what I might say
But I didn’t
I get nervous around you

So I’m telling you now

You hurt me
More than you know
You
Were
My
First
I thought the world of you
That the universe finally sent me someone to call home
Instead of giving me blessing it taught me a lesson
You
Never
Know
Who
Someone
Truly
Is

The boy I thought about for days on end
Talked to all the time
Imagined holding
Had a love already
But never said a thing
The happy butterflies that swarmed in my chest at the sight of you
Turned grey and faded to dust and with it
My
Love
For
You

What do you do when you aren’t sure about a boy?
When your brain and body are telling two different sides of the same story?

Brain:
I like the way he talks “ ladies first” “I’d never lie to you”
He looks like a kind hug and a warm night.
Do you show him who you are or cut him off?
The unknown is such a dark and scary place
Stories of girls with broken hearts and boys with grudges.
What do I do?

Body:
Red alert a unknown boy is getting too close and I don’t know how to feel!
He
Want’s
To
See
Me
What do I do?
He
Want’s
To
Hold
Me
With his hands
His hands.
I want to run and hide.
I want to be in invisible again, the pressure of attention is too unknown. Too close. No boy has ever been this close.

Parents tell their little girls to trust their instincts
Is this fear of the unknown or a warning from within? How do you tell?
Does love feel like a risk of self security?
People describe it as a jump.
Mixed messages and signals all over my skin I don’t know if I hate it or love it.
Is
This
Love
Lust
Or
Loneliness?
He want’s to call me baby, do I want that too?
He want’s to read beside me, is he real?
He want’s to
See
Me
Me
Me.